Utter Nonsense and Other Pages From My Diary
Stereo blasting in full color
Bright blues for blues
Grays for emptiness
And equalizers throwing gasoline
On red hot torch songs about darkness.
But no one saw her
It was one of those days
When the nights never end
And camels stop
To fill up their tanks before
Heading into Los Angeles.
There was nothing to do about it
The ufo just hovered there
Like the one above Travis Walton's head
And I kept hoping it'd beam me up
Or knock me senseless but it never did.
Icicles hung from the sun
And snowmen melted
On the truck beds of 4th of July parade floats
While children threw candy
And taunted Santa Claus with wish lists.
I can't stand this stuff anymore!
No body writes about my life
It's like I don't have one or something
I must just be somebody's dream
On some far away planet
In the middle of an ocean of dishwater.
Is there any way out of here?
The banana cook flipped his pancake
And stared at me like I was cornflakes
On a hot afternoon
But he had it all wrong: I was Fruit Loops.
You need a drink, he said
You look like chocolate milk
On a prehistoric playground
Here, drink this.
And he handed me a rubber plant
And a straw.
There's no ending to this story
I could go on and on and on and on.....
Like a cabaret singer
With a thousand songs in her soul
And a mike so hot it burns her hand.
I see you out there reading this
You're thinking: Damn!
I should play chess more often
I had no idea how insane the queen was.
Well, I am insane
But I'm never boring
These words prove that
These words prove
That you can make a poem outta anything
And somebody will read it and say
My God, she's brilliant!
But that's just a fact
In a constellation of a sea of fiction
Oranges don't grow on trees, baby!
And girls like me
Don't come along every day.
Which is why the earth is spinning
And global warming is popping corn in the fields
In the middle of December
Al Gore knows the truth: He invented it
Just ask his wife.
If the world turned upside down
Would the oceans fall on our heads
And would we drown in self pity
And fish for tuna in the tops of trees?
I really need an answer to that question
I really do.
Oh, wait, the CIA is at the door.....
(They wanted to know my sources)
They wanted to know if I was a double-knot spy
And if I knew the way to San Jose
I told them to hang a left at the Dollar Tree.
My therapist does my therapy for free, you know
He said it amuses him
And that he finds my vocabulary sexy
But I won't lie down on his couch without protection
I wear an inner tube and hold a flamethrower.
I'm in love with this guy
Who lives in my stereo CD player
And sings to me about gravity and purple things
We have this love/hate relationship
I love him but he refuses to eject so I hate him, too.
Buffaloes roam in the canyons
I think they fell out of the ufo
I'm not sure. I'm sure of that
Being sure of unsurety keeps me grounded, you know?
I tried to lasso one once but it got away.
( A buffalo, you moron!)
What did you think I meant?!
I may be insane but I'm not stupid!
Except on Tuesdays but then everybody's
Stupid on Tuesdays, right?
I think I read that on a menu somewhere.
Crickets are calling my name
I must run.............
You could probably catch me
On your little frog legs if you wanted to
But there's a 99.9 % chance
That I won't kiss you if you do.
Some people live
For that 1%, however.......
Oct 25, 07
spur of the moment write
out of pure boredom
please don't ask me what it means
Just Enjoy it.