Wednesday, April 5, 2017



          I don't know how long I lay there resting my head on my dead horse. I had fallen asleep and gone tumbling down into a mindless, restless realm populated by running horses and children, golden vipers and strange men in white hooded robes. I awoke to find the world still there and Starshine, a lifeless form with no sign of his equine spirit and wisdom. I was totally disheartened. I lay aside all of the equipment that he had carried for us and pondered what pieces I could carry myself and discarded the rest. I could see no way to bury my faithful friend outside of digging his grave with my bare hands and I had no strength for that. I formulated a plan to cover him with stones and began the task of doing that, a long and tedious chore that took many hours.

      As I looked for stones and carried them, I let myself go to places I should not have gone to in my mind but nevertheless, I could not stop the going. I had experienced many things in my life: death and life, illness and miracle, joy and hope delayed. But being strong of spirit and sure of my calling, I had endured and grown stronger with each new setback. I was my Father's daughter. I was independent but totally devoted to him and to doing his will. My course had been set at birth but I had often deviated from that course except during the long months of my sickness. And even that had been ordained to ensure the quietness of my youthful spirit and the teaching of my soul and mind that could not have been achieved had I been awake and well. For I had been a rebellious child in my heart and had no desire to be mature and serious. Then a teacher had been assigned to rein me in and raise me up in the way I should go. And I made his life miserable though I loved him with all of my heart. Until the day that he, too, had absented himself from my life. Like all the others....................

     But this! This, I could not bear. I had been promised that Starshine would be with me until I did not need him and I could not imagine my life in which that day would occur. He had always been there. His face would appear at my window every morning when I awoke as a child. He would call and laugh his almost human laugh and I would fling myself up and over his neck still in my nightclothes and off we would fly through the courtyard until my Father's servants would catch us and scold us into stopping. 
The chickens would screech and scatter, fruit baskets would overturn and children would scream in laughter and cheer us on. Those were my earliest memories and my happiest times. Having no brothers or sisters and never having known my mother, Starshine had been my closest companion. And now he was dead. Murdered. By a creature not of this world. Of that I was certain

     Having journeyed throughout the land for many years, I had seen and known and touched and experienced almost everything that the  world had to offer (or so I thought) and in no place and time had I ever seen a viper such as the one that had struck down my horse. The thought of the thing made the blood boil in my veins, made my hands turn into fists, made my heart give way to hate. The thing my Father had warned me about. Hate. The one thing that could destroy love, he said. Never hate, he warned me. Love only and live peacefully with all things, if that be possible. And having said that, he trained me in every type of warfare and fighting mode and skilled me with sword and bow and dagger and cunning strategy. 

     But now all his teaching dissolved in me as I explored this new emotion and let it turn me in it's tide. As I covered the still form in a mound of stones and hid it with branches, I wondered what I might do now that I had no one to talk to and no one to help me bear the burdens. Until this day, I had ever looked forward to tomorrow and hardly known a misdirection or loss of insight. My life now seemed like a blank slate, cleared of all mission and purpose.
 I completed the task of hiding Starshine's body and picked up the items I thought most needed and started down the hill, refusing to look back. For the first time in my life, I could not connect with Starshine's thoughts in my mind and I could not feel his spirit walking with me. He was gone and I was abandoned and that's all I knew. 


     I walked for miles until I came to a brook flowing with crystal waters and shaded by willow trees and tall flowered bushes and hanging full of berries and strange fruit. I had no appetite but drank gratefully of the water and lay exhausted upon the soft grass staring into the changing sky, my face darkening with sun and anger. Then I began to question. And I began to twist within my mind all of the promises that had been made to me and I began to doubt. And with the doubt, I began to lose all sense of direction and with that, last of all, I began to lose hope. My mind became my enemy.

                                          TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE THREE...........

                    "Cold" - Jorge Méndez (Sad Piano & Violin Instrumental)