The Adorable Lawrence Park

His Arrival Was Foretold...........

Amaze Your Friends!!!! Be A Floater!!!!!

Actual Complaints....hysterical idiocy

THESE ARE ACTUAL COMPLAINTS RECEIVED BY "THOMAS COOK VACATIONS" FROM DISSATISFIED CUSTOMERS:

1. "On my holiday to Goa in India, I was disgusted to find that almost every restaurant served curry. I don't like spicy food."
2. "They should not allow topless sunbathing on the beach. It was very distracting for my husband who just wanted to relax."
3. "We went on holiday to Spain and had a problem with the taxi drivers as they were all Spanish."
4. "We booked an excursion to a water park but no-one told us we had to bring our own swimsuits and towels. We assumed it would be included in the price."
5. "The beach was too sandy. We had to clean everything when we returned to our room."
6. "We found the sand was not like the sand in the brochure. Your brochure shows the sand as white but it was more yellow."
7. "It's lazy of the local shopkeepers in Puerto Vallartato close in the afternoons. I often needed to buy things during 'siesta' time -- this should be banned."
8. "No-one told us there would be fish in the water. The children were scared."
9. "Although the brochure said that there was a fully equipped kitchen, there was no egg-slicer in the drawers."
10. "I think it should be explained in the brochure that the local convenience store does not sell proper biscuits like custard creams or ginger nuts."
11. "The roads were uneven and bumpy, so we could not read the local guide book during the bus ride to the resort. Because of this, we were unaware of many things that would have made our holiday more fun."
12. "It took us nine hours to fly home from Jamaica to England. It took the Americans only three hours to get home. This seems unfair."
13. "I compared the size of our one-bedroom suite to our friends' three-bedroom and ours was significantly smaller."
14. "The brochure stated: 'No hairdressers at the resort.' We're trainee hairdressers and we think they knew and made us wait longer for service."
15. "When we were in Spain, there were too many Spanish people there. The receptionist spoke Spanish, the food was Spanish. No one told us that there would be so many foreigners."
16. "We had to line up outside to catch the boat and there was no air-conditioning."
17. "It is your duty as a tour operator to advise us of noisy or unruly guests before we travel."
18. "I was bitten by a mosquito. The brochure did not mention mosquitoes."
19. "My fiancée and I requested twin-beds when we booked, but instead we were placed in a room with a king bed. We now hold you responsible and want to be re-reimbursed for the fact that I became pregnant. This would not have happened if you had put us in the room that we booked.

1. BE AWARE ...THEY WALK AMONG US
   BE AFRAID..... BE VERY AFRAID

                                                                                                   

Nuggets

Nuggets

Candy used to be a rare sweet treat

(But candy kills you now)

Don't drink that milk, it'll make you sick!

(But Lord knows, I don't see how.)

Stay away from ham and cheese

Only drink green tea

Stay away from sugary things

(So, stay away from me.)

They say that good taste matters not

Good taste is bad for you

Only eat things that are bright green

And nothing organically true.

Plastic beef and rubber bread

Genetically modified

Impossible patties made from improbable meat

(But still, they must be fried.)

Fake diet colas, they set it off

This new world banquet spread

Stuff with no taste to slim down your waist

(But your taste buds will wish you were dead).

Jelly's made of petroleum now

And marshmallows are made of wool

Processed so fine they can fool a weak mind

(Naw, haha that's a whole lot of bull.)

Tomatoes taste like...well, they don't taste like nothing

I don't know any produce that does

I miss the gardens full of  live growing things

I miss the way it was.

The kids think chickens are hatched as nuggets

And come with a special sauce

And fish are square, like their buns lying there

And salads all come tossed.

I wonder what humanity will do

When real seeds all disappear

No wheat, no grains, singing sad refrains

As they drink their fake diet beer.

Now we're told to keep our distance

From other human folks

Bad for our health as masked men rake in that wealth

(Remember the egg whites and the yolks?)

How they said the yolks were killing us?

And we must only eat the white?

So we threw away the protein

And gagged on the rest alright.   (yuck!)

Then they terrify us 'bout bacon

And we pledge our pinkie swears

Believing that stuff will kill us all

(But it's so good nobody cares.)

What am I saying? (I don't know what I'm saying)

This corrupt world has driven me mad

Up is now down and square is now round

And they've changed all the good things we had.

We're stuck with hybrid GMOs

Eat factory made fruit clones

Robots make our food (excuse me, our fodder)

That taste delish like a mix of pine cones.

We're idiots now, just cattle in herds

We buy what they say that we must

And the next thing you'll see them selling on your t.v. 

Will be FDA approved packages of dust!!!

(enriched with vitamins and minerals

and red food dye!)

©by Voo

July10, 2020

1:49 a.m.

(bake your pine cones for 30 minutes at 350 degrees.

Lightly dust with sugar-free chemicals and enjoy with a glass of

all natural city tap water imported from Flint, Michigan. Yum!)

Chinese fake food site