Friday, April 14, 2017
ONCE WAS ENOUGH
CONCEIVED I WAS
IN UNFELT PAIN
I STARTED DESCENDING
LIKE DROPS OF RAIN
AND DOWN TO EARTH
AS A SWORD, I FELL
WHILE HEAVEN CRIED
AND SO DID HELL
I LEFT THE GLORY
AND FOUND THE DIRT
I TASTED LOVE
WHICH BROUGHT THE HURT
AND MY LIFE STARTED
TO BRING THE END
AND I CRIED, BLOOD STAINED
FOR WAYWARD MEN
MY MOTHER HELD ME
MY FATHER TURNED
MY MIND, REPLAYING
THE THINGS I'D LEARNED
AND ALL THE WHILE
THE SHADOWS GREW
AROUND THE BLIND ONES
WHO SAW THE TRUE
THE ONES WHO HATED
THE ONES WHO LIED
AND TORE MY GARMENTS
THERE AS I CRIED
THE PAIN I BORE THEN
NO ONE COULD MEASURE
NO MAN APPRAISES
THE THINGS I TREASURE
FOR IN THAT DARKNESS
I HUNG ALONE
AND PRAYED FOR STRENGTH
AND WEPT FOR HOME
EARTH SPLIT ASUNDER
THE HEAVENS RANG
BLIND EYES WERE OPENED
AND CHILDREN SANG
BUT IN THAT MOMENT
OF UNKNOWN DEATH
MY LUNGS EXPELLED
THAT MORTAL BREATH
AND I AWAKENED
IN CAVERNS DEEP
WHERE MEN RAN SCREAMING
AND DID NOT SLEEP
THEY KNEW MY NAME THERE
THEY KNEW MY FACE
THOUGH THEY'D NEVER SEEN ME
OR KNOWN MY GRACE
AND I BEHELD THEM
AND HUNG MY HEAD
WITH SORROW BURDENED
FOR THE TRULY DEAD
ACROSS THE CHASM
I SAW THE OTHERS
MY LOVED ONES, WAITING
MY FRIENDS, MY BROTHERS
THEY SAW ME COMING
THEIR HANDS, THEY RAISED
THEY DANCED IN JOY
MY NAME, THEY PRAISED
I TOOK THEM WITH ME
UP TO THE SKY
NO MORE TO SUFFER
NO MORE TO DIE
FROM THAT DESCENT
I FOUND THOSE TO WHICH
I HAD BEEN SENT
AND LIKE THE LIGHTNING
AND LIKE THE RAIN
THE GLORY FELL
AND HEALED THE PAIN
TO AN ANCIENT PLACE
AND ALL IT'S PLEASURES
I CARRIED ALL
MY EARTHLY TREASURES
AND MANY HUNGRY
FOR THE LOVE I GIVE
WILL BE TRANSPORTED
TO THE PLACE I LIVE
VESSELS OF LIGHT
WHO'VE KEPT THE VOW
WILL BE TRANSFIGURED
THOUGH CLAY FORMED NOW
AND COUNTLESS CHILDREN
LIKE GRAINS OF SAND
WILL LIVE FOREVER
WITHIN MY HANDS
WOULD I DO IT OVER?
THE DEATH FOR SIN?
A MILLION TIMES
I'D DIE FOR MEN
BUT THERE'S NO NEED
TO AGAIN, REBUFF
HELL'S POWER IS BROKEN
ONCE WAS ENOUGH.
MAY 1, 2011
during a storm
sung by Elvis Presley, my cousin
a beautiful song that was written
by my other cousin, Mylon Lefevre
when he was 17 yrs old..................
sung by Elvis Presley, my cousin
a beautiful song that was written
by my other cousin, Mylon Lefevre
when he was 17 yrs old..................
Thursday, April 13, 2017
My mind is not tethered to my brain
It has an agenda of it's own
Frequently going off into the ethereal
Settling for the ephemeral
While hungering for the eternal.
I do not know myself, I think
Like God knows me
I am a stranger in my own eyes
And in the eyes of passersby
There is a heart cry
That few hear and no one heeds
It has been screaming out it's voice
Since the moment of my birth
And will continue on
Long after my death.
I don't even feel like God hears it
And if He does, He ignores it
And puts in on a list to be dealt with later
After galaxies, geothermals, sinners and saints
Have long been checked off.
Did you ever have the thought
That love is only given to those
Who have more love than they need
And never doled out
To those that need it more than breath?
Because I am one of those
The loveless, the lonely, the forgotten
Adrift on a friendless sea
Surrounded by sharks
And burned by a merciless sun.
Nobody knows me
They lie to themselves
And think they do
But they don't
And they never will.
Because I am un-tethered
To the here and now
And tethered only to the immortal lands
Where legends live and angels sing
And every one knows one another by the Spirit.
How I wish I could go there to stay
Walk those golden shores
And feel the love that never ebbs,
Never dies and is never pulled out
From under the feet like a door mat.
I went there, once
One bright shining moment
That lives now in my memory
Like a lifeboat on a sinking ship.
It cradles me there
When life smashes me
With it's hopelessness and horror
And I can't stand to be here any more.
That memory is my gift, my hope, my faith
That there is more than this life, this world
Into which I have been born but do not live in
Only enduring to exist on while daily expiring.
My heart is a vast, uncharted chasm
Echoing back my own voice
As I wail out my longing
To a un-hearing planet.
I know that I am not the only one
There are millions of us
Billions, maybe, walking alone
On shores that leave no footprints.
One day when we have given up
And dropped our hold on survival
Eternity will reach down it's hand
And lift us to the celestial.
Lift us up to love
That we have never known
Lift us up to joy
That we have never tasted.
Lift us up to feast and banquet
To dine on the food that we are starving for
And the wine that our souls crave
Like a drunkard who has never had a drink.
I am un-tethered here
Like a balloon without a string
Bobbing here and there through perilous skies
Dodging crow and tree and bow and arrow.
But in my heart of hearts, I know
That when I have been shot down and shattered
The essence that is me, my spirit
Will straight way go to that other land
Where I am known.
The place I am tethered to, eternally
The place that can only be found in vision
The place that existed before terra firma was ever formed
The place that will feel like home.
Till then, I walk in shadow
And the sun does not shine on me
Because it does not see me
Nor does the moon know me
Nor do the passersby love me
Because I am only a vapor here
And to this place, I do not belong.
April 13, 2017
WARRIORS OF THE WAY
MAID OF MUD
My eyes flew open at first light. The sun was rising in the east and peeking through the trees in yellow wonder. I heard birds flitting hungrily from tree to ground in search of breakfast. The air had a crisp new smell to it as it often does after a downpour. Here and there, a few renegade drops of water fell from boulder and leaf and from the top of our arbor. I heard the horse chomping noisily on grass across the camp and the thud of impatient hooves. I thought then, surely, the last few days had been but a bad dream, nothing more than that. My father would not have let Starshine be taken from me after all of his promises. He would not let me stumble alone in unknown territory without my friend and companion. I ran my hands through my jumbled hair and attempted to braid it into a huge messy braid and threw it back over my shoulder. "My eye!" a voice exclaimed and the man threw back his coverlets and pretended to rub his injured eye in mock protest. "Thou hast blinded me, surely!" Hiding my face in my hands, I let reality rush over me and sighed to let go of hopeful wishes that were not to be. No dream, this. No Starshine waiting behind the boulder. He was gone forever. My father had told me an untruth. A surge of pain and anger flashed in my eyes and I looked at the man coldly.
"And what is this?" he said looking around him and checking his feet and hands and neck. "I have lived through the night unscathed? I am not killed in my sleep by the rescued maiden with hands of iron and sword of steel?" On and on he went, checking parts of his unharmed body and gathering up his sword and dagger and bow in amazement. I drew my knees up under my chin and watched his little performance. When he had run out of things to check, I said in an irritated voice, "If thou wert a jester in the court, I should have thee tarred and feathered and removed from the court! Thy jests lack humor, sir, and thy pantomimes, imagination! In short, keep thyself to thy cooking pots and leave the jesting to the......jesters." My chastisement trailed off into uninspired mumbling as I realized that the man was sitting there watching me in delight, his blue eyes fastened onto my animated hands and mouth and laughing at me in true good humor. "Hummmph!" I said in ending tirade and fell silent in embarrassment.
We sat there for some time on the damp bunk and looked at everything there was to look at except at one another. We looked at the odd trees with their smooth bark, the washed out camp and campfire, the sky filtered through the tree branches, the tall boulders standing there like guardians on the other side of the enclosure. I reached up and caught a drop of rainwater in my hand as it fell and held it there as a ray of sunlight suddenly caught it and made it sparkle like a diamond. A shiver went through me and I knew not why but the man reached out for my wrist and flung the drop away in sudden motion. "Why?" I asked him without speaking and he held me fast and gazed into my eyes with silent questions, probing, it seemed, my very soul. For long moments we stared, until the noise of a falling tree broke the spell and we jumped away from one another and busied ourselves with straightening our clothing and arranging the skins and blankets neatly in a pile. "I wonder what that was?" I said finally and the man gathered up his weaponry and jumped down from the ledge. He stopped and held out his hand to help me down and I hesitated. "Very well," he said, "Stay here and I will see to the commotion. Then I will see to my cooking pots and work on my humor." His tone was gruff and off putting and I did not know how to respond.
So I sat back and watched him walk away, pulling up his boots and running his tanned hands through his hair. His shoulders were broad and strong and his legs long and athletic. I did not recognize the fabric or skin that he wore but thought to myself how handsome he looked in the black tunic and breeches with brown over-vest and cloak. Like the man in one of the story books my nurse had given to me as a child. A prince, maybe. A dragon slayer. A killer of dark beasts and rescuer of fair....maidens. Or...not. An outlaw, perhaps, a wizard, a renegade of the House of Fallon, the shapeshifters. A mind reader. Yes, he was that, most certainly! I would have to try to be more careful and not allow my mind to run free with thought as I was prone to do. At least I would try. There was something regal about the man, a high born quality about the way he carried himself though I did not understand the way he spoke in his mix of the language of the Kingdom and the casual phrasing of pronouns and verbs. Never had I heard this manner of speaking! It was strange and yet I liked it.
I rolled the word 'you' over my tongue and it felt odd but delicious."You! I shouted and laughed. "What meaneth You?" I jumped down from the bunk just as the man reappeared in my line of vision carrying a load of firewood. "You means Thou!" he shouted back throwing down the sticks and branches and preparing to make a fire. "Art thou always so noisy in the morning?" he asked as I made my way toward him and stopped at the edge of the grass. "Your boots are wrapped in your cloak in the arbor. Unless.....you like walking in mud." "It is no bother." I said haughtily and pulled myself up as tall as I could. Stepping carefully through the muddy mess, I came near to the place where he crouched and crouched there myself, watching him start the fire with some kind of flint contraption that he had produced from the pouch slung over his shoulder.
"The wood is wet," I said needlessly, "Wet wood will........." "Why don't you go find the cooking pot and utensils while I do this task?" he motioned to me. "The rain has washed everything away that was not secured." I did not see the pot anywhere near and wondered where I would eventually find it. "Findeth it, I will," I said confidently, "but first, tell me why thou didst what thou didst?" (referring to the violent grabbing of my hand and the flinging away of the raindrop.) A growling sound issued forth from his throat and he shook his head and mumbled something I could not hear. He worked furiously with the flint for a moment and then brushed the hair out of his eyes and looked in my direction, if not into my eyes. "Some things are best not remembered." he said and that was all. "Hmmm." I said back and walked around the perimeter of the camp wondering what that meant. I gathered up a big metal spoon and a few other objects strewn about but did not see the cooking pot. There was a water flask hanging from a small bent tree and a black tunic embroidered with silver leaves and a crest I did not recognize. Strange symbols were woven there interspersed with others somewhat familiar. I determined to examine the garment more closely and hung it back on the tree.
Observing the path that the flood waters had taken, I followed it in my bare feet, enjoying the feel of cool mud between my toes until the bare dirt gave way to wet grass and dripping forest. I thought to myself how dark it seemed in that part of the wood and questioned whether or not I should venture there. Hesitantly, I stood until I heard the man shout "Don't go too far! And don't go into the forest!" And having heard that, quite naturally, I took my first step into the dark stand of gnarled black trees. Who was he to order me about so? No one ordered me but my father and of late, there had been no order and no command, no word at all from that quarter. Not even the still small voice in my heart had spoken to me that I could recall. I had been, at least in my own eyes, abandoned by everyone I had ever loved.
"I am a warrior!" I said to the trees in an angry voice. "I need only...." and hushed myself before speaking words I would later regret. Impulsiveness had always gotten me into trouble and even quicker word and thought had gotten me out but then, why get myself into trouble in the first place? "The mouth is a deep pit." my old teacher had said to me. "Thou openeth it to devour others and falleth into it thyself." I shuddered at the memory and of the punishment that had followed my impulsive words and actions those long years ago and quickly mumbled "Mouth, shut thyself. I command thee." I tripped over the blackened handle of the stew pot and picked it up as I fell against a tree that felt slimy and cold.
Disgusted, I brushed off my shoulder and looked around for the utensil in the shade that seemingly could not be penetrated by sunlight. "What a horrible place!" I said out loud and my voice rang like a bell in the eerie silence. Surely the pot was close to it's handle! Surely, it had not rolled back into....that dark and frightening nightmare of a wood! "I can live without stew." I thought. The man could hunt and eat his kill with bare hands for all I cared. I wasn't about to go further....and then I heard a crunch and then a sound like a whisper and to my right, I saw a movement so swift I could not tell if it were beast or bird. I started and then calmed myself with brave words quoted inside my heart, learned at my teacher's knee and again while walking beside him as he illustrated his words with scenes from nature. "Fear not." he said to me over and over until I wanted to hit him and make him fear me! "Fear keepeth us alive!" I had shouted at him one day quoting my friend the shepherd boy who had much wisdom in my eyes. "Fear maketh us to run to liveth another day!" "Fear holdeth thy heart captive!" he shouted back. "Fears enslaves and grinds and torments! Fear not, beloved student, but live in freedom!" "How canst I live in freedom when mine every footstep is overshadowed by thy shadow?" I had yelled back to him as I fled up the face of a cliff while he struggled to catch up with me, clutching for the hem of my garment. I had been seven and it was my birthday. All day I had waited for my father's call to come to his chambers but it had not come and I was hurt and angry. My teacher understood but in his unmarried and childless way, he did not know how to make it better. So he attempted yet another lesson on how to be fearless, telling me that someday I would have need of his teachings and for his trouble, his impudent student had led him around the whole of the village running through briar patches and rose gardens, horse stables and under storage sheds. The children of the village and court watched us excitedly, urging me on, shouting at me new places to hide under and to run through while my teacher had followed my every step, stumbling and fussing and threatening me with dire expectations.
At the end of the day, remembering his face when he had fallen into the pig pen on the far side of the village, (as he attempted to stop me as I walked around the top of the fence like a circus rope walker), had been the best birthday present I had ever had. I laughed beneath my bed covers far into the night and when I fell asleep, I dreamed I was laughing and when I awoke, a smile was still on my lips. "I hope thou art happy." my teacher sniffed as he began the next day's lessons, inspecting his arms and legs for imagined injuries and pulling out his charts and books. "Quite happy." I said honestly and smiled at him in feigned innocence. Impulsively, I went to him and put my little arms about his waist and embraced him. Looking up into his stern face with brown eyes big as saucers and sparkling with mischief, I had said as sweetly as I could, "Beloved Teacher, thou has done well. When thou wert falling into the pig pen and being eaten by the swine, I was not afraid! I remembered all of thy teachings and lessons that lasted for a thousand years, and I feared not! Wast thou afraid, Teacher?" And holding me close against him without my knowing if I would be rewarded with swat or sweet, my teacher began to shake in helpless laughter which could not be contained and which exploded into gales of mirth that soon encompassed us both and ended in a happy dance around the teaching room. And to this day, was a treasured memory kept within my heart.
"I fear nothing!" I said through clenched teeth, peering into the depths of shades and shadows in that unwelcoming wood and gathering my courage from the spirit of my teacher. A tiny beam of sunlight pierced the gloom unexpectedly and I squinted my eyes to see the cooking pot there yards ahead underneath a particularly evil looking tree. "Oh, no!" I groaned and brandishing the stew spoon as a weapon, I decided to run like lightning, grab the pot and get out of that cruel place in three beats of my heart. One step, two, very slowly, three...though my heart was racing like a wild thing in my breast, I inched towards the beam of sunlight. "Run, thou fool!" I admonished myself but did not heed the warning. "They art only trees! Thou canst outrun them!" The sound of a soft growl reached my ears then and a snap of twig and a gust of icy wind whipped around me and grasped me in it's chill embrace, then let go of me so quickly that I fell to the dirty, mossy ground.
Scurrying to collect what I'd dropped, I whirled around in fright so many times that I lost my sense of direction and for a moment, felt more afraid than I had ever been. "Fear not, child!" I seemed to hear my teacher say in a calm and loving voice and the sound of it quieted me. When I began to breathe almost normally again, I realized that I could hear the sound of loud breathing not my own and chills went down my spine. Keeping my eyes on the pot lying in the ray of sun, I gathered every drop of bravery that I could find within me and holding the spoon like a sword, I ran toward the thing with feet that flew as with wings. Amidst cracking noises and deafening breathing and trees that seemed to grab at me with menace, I grabbed the pot, swirled and ran toward the forest's opening that seemed somehow to be a thousand miles away. But on I ran, hearing the rush of feet behind me and the chase of something bigger than I and more terrible than my mind could conjure. I ran to the opening of the trees, into the grassy field and sunlight, into the muddy, bare brown dirt and toward the camp and blazing fire that looked more welcome to me than anything I had ever seen. "I have found it!" I shouted, holding up the pot and spoon and rushing excitedly toward the man and as far away from the forest as I could get. "I knew you would." the man said to me, watching me run but not knowing why I hurried so. "And in good timing too as I have found our breakfast and made the fire ready."
I wondered if the creature in the forest would pursue me here and I opened my mouth to tell the man of the danger, when in my haste, I slipped in the mud and went flying across the camp still holding the spoon, and came at last to rest at the boot of the owner of it. I was covered in mud and looked, I was sure, like a wild thing and worse. My hair flew into my eyes and tangled itself around my body like a vine. My long tunic swirled around my waist and my bare legs stuck out like a broken doll's. I thought to cover them but saw that they were already covered in thick mud. I raised one humiliated hand to push the hair out of my eyes and unknowingly wiped a trail of mud from cheek to forehead. All was quiet for a while as I sat there trying to get my bearings and then the man with sky colored eyes said, with laughter in his voice, "My, my my! Aren't you a lovely thing fresh from the morning, covered in dewdrops and with flowers in your hair? Never have I seen anyone so anxious to return to my company and to my cooking and so enamored of me that thou hast thrown thyself down at my feet!" And I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry so I did neither. I just sat there looking up at him and holding the spoon and thinking about my teacher.
TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE EIGHT..............
please read and comment.......Voo
Wednesday, April 12, 2017
WARRIORS OF THE WAY
NIGHT WITHOUT END
The night and it's thunderous storm seemed never ending. Given that I had thoroughly mortified myself by being caught in an impulsive and childish act made it all the more unendurable. Shame flooded through me and kept me silent and withdrawn while at the same time, more confused than ever. Could the man read my very thoughts? How was that possible? What kind of being was he? Did I dare trust him? Had he been the watcher who had watched me by the brook? The tangible feeling of evil had preceded his appearance, had it not? Were they one and the same? My mind raced down every avenue that presented itself as my memories began to surface. The white bird, I saw in my mind's eye again and remembered the eerie song and the farewell gesture. The sparkling water of the brook, the chilly bath and the what? Something there in the water. Something wonderful. Something...magical. I shook my head to clear it and sighed in frustration. My memory refused to co-operate. What could I not see? I replayed every thing that I could grasp in thought. Starshine. The viper. The grave. The long trek down the hill into the brown valley. So tired. So alone. Walking for miles in my grief. The lush oasis with it's green grass and willow trees. Falling on the blanket in exhaustion. Waking alone..........
The man stirred beside me and murmured in his sleep, disturbing my recollections. Why did he have to be so beautiful? I thought distractedly. Had any other man in past or present ever possessed such eyes as he? Blue as mid morning skies and unique in all the world. I marveled at their color and wondered at the man. He had been kind to me, had he not? He had fed me and sheltered me and hid me from the storm. He had......he had....and then it came to me as clear as day and as frightening as the night. The man....there at my camp! My sword drawn and taken from me like one who had arms of straw! He had held me, freshly dressed and still damp from my bath! Watching me from beyond my view. While I sat.... doing what? My head swam with the futility and my face flamed with the knowledge. What thing had transpired between the dressing and the vanquishing? I covered my mouth with my hands so that he could not hear my shameful sobs. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I strove to remember the missing details.
The warrior in me fled away in fear and worry and I burned in misery as though I walked in flame. "I did not see you." he said softly, turning in the tangle of coverings to face me as I trembled there, grateful for the crashing thunder and noise of rain. The wind changed suddenly and rain blew into my face in cold, icy sheets, catching me by surprise. The man reached and pulled me back against his form out of the rain's reach and covered our faces, our breath meeting there together warm as sun. "I did not see you." he said again and I did not pull away from him although I meant to. I shivered, once again alarmed at the way he had answered my unasked question. Was I mad? Had the viper bitten me as well as my horse? Delirium surely ran through my brain! Lightning struck close by our arbor and I screamed at the shock of it and huddled myself even closer to his chest.
Somewhere I heard the horse call out and heard the stamp of heavy feet but did not look out of the enclosure. Finally, with no air left to breathe, we lifted the cover off our faces and breathed the night air into gasping lungs. Our eyes met in a flash of light and we laughed, timidly at first and then out loud, our laughter strange and alien in that place. In the pale glow of the trees and the intermittent flashes, my eyes searched his with questions I could never ask. At least not now and perhaps, not ever. "You must forgive me if I hold you thus," he said finally, "but this night demands it and your safety commands it. I will not allow you to be frightened or tormented." "Tormented?" I asked trying to put on a strong face and tensing myself against his hold. "Why dost thou assume....?" And let it drop at that. How could I hide thoughts from one such as he? "You have not been dishonored...in any way." he reassured me, pulling me to him in quick embrace and letting me go just as quickly. "I saw only what I needed to see and nothing else. The one who guides me warned me of your...vulnerability and protected your modesty." Frowning deeply, I squinted my eyes in puzzlement, searching his face, and he said in a quiet and sober voice, "In my life, I have seen many things. Some I should not have seen, some I should like to see again, but in my travels throughout this world in which we have been planted, by reason of experience and by guidance sure, I have learned when I should look.....and when I should look away."
Feeling somewhat reassured by his words, I let the tension flow from my body and let his arm cradle my head and hold me close there in his warmth. The rain began to slow and fell in drowsy, cold drops. Never had I been so close to another person, not physically, at least, except for Cy-nythia, my childhood nurse and never had her embrace felt like this! I smiled into the darkness at my thought and felt the call of slumber beckon me. Suddenly, I asked, compulsively, "How is it that thy speech is so? Thy way of phrasing strange and curious? From what land dost thou come and why hast thou come here?" A flood of questions issued forth from my lips tumbling over one another too fast to answer. The man laughed softly at my eagerness and whispered "Shh! One at a time! But first, you must answer me my question and then I shall do my best to answer yours." "That is fair." I said and waited for his words then trembled when they came. "How is it that thou...... who speaks in the manner of the Royal House have come to be in this wide, wild land alone and friendless? And why didst thou not know that I saw you at the tree.... and followed you?"
Bewilderment turned to anger and anger to renewed fear and I pulled myself away from him and huddled at the bunk's edge, wet with rain. Oh, would this night never end? I wanted to run away and hide myself from this unknown stranger who seemed to know all there was to know about me and yet he asked the question I could not answer as though he did not know. I didn't move or make a sound and willed myself to sleep to shut out the thoughts that ran through my mind like snakes. Once again I was uneasy and once again uncomfortable and cold. "Never mind," he sighed against my back. "You will tell me when you are ready. Forgive me if I have upset you, little one. Now go to sleep and regain your fearsome strength. The night is passing and in the morning you will see.......I have a surprise for thee!"
TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE SEVEN.......................
What if there were no star shine
Or moon light's gleam
What if there was no golden sun
Sparkling up the stream?
What if there were no bird song
Or melody in the heart
What if there were no lantern glow
Lighting up the dark?
What if there were no sweetness
To sourness, counteract
What if we lost everything
And couldn't get it back?
What if there was no beauty
And ugliness did reign
What if there was no comfort
And all we knew was pain?
What if days were endless
And nights, a moment's bliss
What if lips were hungry
And couldn't taste a kiss?
What if life was temporary
And this time was all we knew
I wouldn't care about any of that
As long as I had you.
April 12, 2017
Beautiful In Love
He makes me feel like a woman
When he smiles
I am enveloped in warm honey and moon glow
I am bathed in sunshine and sweetness
And I am so glad to be alive.
He sees me like I'm beautiful
And always has
Even though I know I am not fair
Or fine or lovely as the girls he painted
On the canvases of his youth.
He shines me like a diamond
With his artist's hands
Outlining my features with his fingertips,
My mouth, with the curve of his thumb
I am subtly, and permanently, imprinted.
He holds me like a treasure
As though I were fragile
And I let him think I am
For my strength would only make him feel
Oh, but when he touches me
In the darkness!
In the cocoon of love he spins there
Dancing to the music of my joy
Flying as one, on a single pair of wings.
Without light, I forget his eyes are blind
And cannot look upon my face
Cannot see the sunrise, or the setting,
The full moon hanging in the sky, or storm clouds
Unless he sees them through my seeing tongue.
He gives me more than I can give to him
Because my eyes are full of life
And his are full of memory and of wonder
Gifts he finds, on the midnight paths he walks
With sharpened senses I will never know.
He's painted all my sorrows now with beauty
In tender shades of love and light,
Traced my heartbreak with knowing hands
Until it disappeared
And cast it far into a hidden sea.
The world he paints for me
Is more magical than the one he remembers
When his eyes were whole and unwounded
And his brush yielded poetry to hang on the walls
In a world that could not be framed.
I did not know how blind I was
Until he found me and showed me the light
That love only illumines in a life that's gone dark
I did not know that my unlovely face
Could look back from a portrait, and be beautiful in love.
He makes me feel like a woman
When he smiles
And when I tease him with silence, he reaches out,
Touches my lips, my heart, my soul
And sees the sun shining on my face.
July 29, 09
So We Got a Little Crazy
So we got a little crazy
When the clock struck twenty-three
As the waiters in their penguin suits
Served champagne to you and me.
"Come here often?" asked your dark eyes
"No, not once." replied my own
"Then, you're lost and I have found you."
"Can I escort you back home?"
"You're a bold one aren't you, darling?"
"No, I'm really kind of shy."
And we did a silent tango
As you looked me in the eye.
"Care to dance?" you asked politely
As you pulled me to the floor
"No, not really." I protested
"I don't do dancing anymore."
"Is that a fact, now?" as you swirled me
And my hips began to sway
Your hand gliding down my bare back
As inhibitions fled away.
"More champagne?" you breathed in my ear
"I dare not." I tried to speak
But you pulled me closer to you
And my lips fell on your cheek.
"Waiter, bring another bottle!"
Sliding back the velvet chair
And we talked for thirty hours
Till no waiters waited there.
Then I sat on the piano
As you played "Tenderly" for me
In your bare-feet and my bare-feet
Till the clock struck eighty-three.
I was just in town for four days
You were just in town for ten
And you had no time for chasing
And I had no time for men.
But there was something in your dark eyes
And the way you sang a song
Made me wish I had a songbook
And that I could sing along.
Round 'bout dawn we heard a bell chime
And a sleeping waiter's snore
We put our shoes on and we tiptoed
Through the room and out the door.
In the shadow of the awning
You pulled me to you in the mist
Kissed my mouth with such conviction
That I knew that I'd been kissed.
"It's been great." I murmured softly
"Yes." you said with some delay
Then we got a little crazy
And both turned and walked away.
April 11, 09
TENDERLY on piano...............I love this
Tuesday, April 11, 2017
one of my favorite songs ever!!! Beauty Queen of Cucamonga!!!!!
Crime Scene "my song"....baby!
some great songs on this CD.................Enjoy!!!!
check it out on youtube or CD Baby
please rush out and buy this CD today so Gary can stop bothering people in front of Starbucks for change...................lol
Love ya Gary!!!!
Monday, April 10, 2017
Piano, Play Me
Piano, play me
With wordless tune
Through breezeless desert
And 'round the moon.
Piano, play me
On black and white
Pale ivory chords
That gleam in night.
Piano, play me
Like footprints, written
To guide me on.
Oh, let me hear
Your thunderous roar
Your soft, sweet ebb
Upon the shore.
Like starlight falling
From skies above
Raise me up high
To fall in love.
Your keys have glory
And notes of gold
Soothe newborn tantrums
And hearts grown old.
How many masters
Composed and wept
Upon your keyboards
While dreamers slept.
Piano, play me
Let me draw near
To music's kingdom
Within my ear.
Piano, play me
Like rain falls down
In hands of rapture
Oh, let me drown.
May 3, 09
Sunday, April 9, 2017
No Silent Bells
It is hard to leave this world quietly
There is something in us that cries out for recognition,
For acknowledgement, for fame, whatever fame might be.
It is hard to fade away into oblivion
When everything in us is screaming for validation
And we are consumed by the fear of our unworth.
It is hard to kick against the thorns
Jesus said to Paul
As he walked to Damascus with his eyes full of pride.
It is hard to be a human being
Here in a world full of money and machine
While every day in every way, they take away our humanity.
It is hard to love outside ourselves
When inside our inner souls, voices cry out
Needing forgiveness and finding little within our own hearts.
It is hard, it is hard, it is so damned hard
And yet, we stumble on because we must
For if we do not try, then what can living mean?
There must be someone here to ring the bells
When the world has drowned in sorrow
And the survivors hide in shadow as tomorrow turns to gray.
The bells in shattered belfreys wait
For us to climb, for us to strive, for us to reach
To ring out our departures and the arrivals of new life.
It is hard to leave this world quietly
There is something in goodbye that tastes of terror
And as I die, I ring this bell in fervent hope, that someone out there hears.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear the.....bells.....?
Promise me they will never go silent, promise me
That you will take my place........
Feb 20, 10
In The Back of a Black Limousine
I always wondered what went on
In the back of a black limousine
When I was a child, I watched in awe
As the “centipede” car inched it’s way
Down the street, hiding celebrities
And famous unknowns
Looking at my own curious little face
In those dark tinted windows.
I was sure it was a movie star
(Aren’t they all?)
Some glamorous somebody
In gold lame’ and chinchilla fur
Rhinestone sun glasses
And men at her feet
Passing through our insignificant town
On the way to somewhere important.
Sometimes it was a gangster or a politician
Hard to tell the difference
When you’re a child
Or a grown up
They all wore hats, smoked big cigars
And smirked in our faces as they passed us by
Tipping those hats in benevolence
Before the windows zipped up in a flash.
One day a famous singer came through
And the crowds lined the streets
Trying to get a glimpse of his shiny white teeth
And his golden voice
We wanted his autograph.........
But all we got was a blasted recording
Of the latest big hit coming from the speakers
And a trail of his glossies flying out the windows
(I went home and burned his ole records
And tore up my fan club membership card.)
When I was older
And the world had lost it’s silver sheen
I marched in peace marches,
Rebelled against everything and anything
Did sit-ins, stand-ins, lay-ins and sleep-ins
Carried homemade signs that changed daily
According to my whim
For I was a sheep.............
(I was a rebel and non-conformist
But still a sheep following a crowd of sheep)
But that soon got old
And I fell into convoluted conformity.
One day before I became jaded forever
A man in a black limousine
Stopped at the curb where I walked in a haze
Put down the window, and concocting a smile
Asked me if I wanted a ride or a drink
And still fascinated by those big long black limos,
Limping along in my tattered Flip Flops,
I hesitated with a quivering heart
Then climbed in and said yes to the man and his offer
(And the rest, as they say, bla bla bla bla..... is history.)
He took me to California
To New York and to Paris
His tanned greedy hands in my hair and my heart
Promising me paradise and giving me hell
I sang, I danced, I posed for the magazines
I laughed on cue and I cried on cue
I lived on cue and I died on cue
He cut and dyed my hair to gold
And he changed my name to Candy.
The audiences seemed to love me though
They gave me awards and legions of fans
Followed me everywhere that I went
Flashbulbs a-popping like the 4th of July
Blinding my eyes, even behind the dark shades
I blew them fake kisses and signed 8x10 glossies
Made myself thousands and my manager, millions
And traveled the world in a black limousine.
Champagne flowed and glasses clinked
Surrounded by roses and the smell of new money,
I was The Girl, the golden girl of the hour
With a string of new romances and none of them, real
They made me all over until there was none of me left
My biography faked, my hometown now, changed
My name, my hair and even my face
And for ten long years when I looked in the mirror
I was always shocked at the sight.
Every dog has it’s day, they say
And I had mine too, I guess
Or at least they told me I had it
It all went by in so much of a blur.........
Famous friends and Latin lovers,
Duets and dances with the cream of the crop
Laughing on the outside
Crying on the inside
Running to and away from
All at the same time.
My driver drives for hours
He never knows where we’ll end up
A seedy dive, or a Malibu beach
A cemetery full of matinee idols............
Or sitting and crying on an ex lover’s lawn
He never knows but he doesn’t care
He’s paid by the hour and he earns every cent.
Sometimes I have company
As we go on those drives.............
A famous politician, a mafioso don
A gigolo, a hanger on, a wanna-be new star
That fell down from the sky like me
Into the hard hands of fate
I offer them no sage advise, I usually only listen
For that is what I’m good at..........
I have no opinions for I have learned
It’s wise to have no thoughts of your own
When someone is pulling your strings.
I like to drive through little backwater towns
Like the one I am from
Like the one I never went back to
After my kid-napping and meteoric rise
Plundered of innocence and curious dreams
I like to drive down Main Streets at noon
And watch the residents stop and gawk
Wondering who's there behind the dark windows
Wondering what it’s like to be rich and famous
And important and glamorous with the world on a platter.
But mostly now, we drive by night
And past night into dark mornings
I like to ride in the rain and listen
To the way the tires sound on a shiny, wet street
I like to put down the dark tinted windows
And let the wind blow back my newly black hair
Sometimes I play the radio or listen to my old songs
But mostly, I ride in silence and wish that I was loved
Occasionally flashing my movie star smile
At the startled faces of fans.
But here's an opinion that I'll always have
and one that I want YOU to hear..............
Sometimes it’s good not to be too curious
Sometimes, you should look away and then let it go
Don’t wonder, don’t wish, don’t stop and don't stare
Let the motorcades pass on their way through your lives
And don’t envy the glory
Of the pedestals of men...............................
We were born only humans,
Not meant to be stars
Those cold, distant things birthed in dark, icy space
Shiny and lonely, blazing up to burn out
Flashing brilliant like flashbulbs
In the faces of men
Sitting, waiting, in the back seats of black limousines.
Sept 11, 10