Hallmark Moments That Never Were

 

Hallmark Moments

that never were

I had a Hallmark moment once

With my dad....................

The trouble is, I don't remember it

And looking at this photo here

We both looked scared too death

Of one another.........so.....

What is it

I am supposed to remember

And would I want to remember

Anything if I could?

And I wonder what it was

That he remembered about me
In the long icy years 
Before he passed from this life?

I remember my Pa, my daddy's daddy

And how much fun we had together

And how he laughed at all my antics

As we went fishing or riding

Or  just to the store
Where he'd buy me Grapettes and candy 

And I'd always want more.

I remember horses and cattle barns and sawdust at auctions

And how excited they'd be cause they thought it was slick

When I'd run down and do my "horse whisperer" trick

Coming home with a truck full and most of them, free

Cause they couldn't be tamed by nobody but me.

I remember playing cowboys and indians

And robbers and cops

Setting the sawmill on fire with my little friend, Eddie

 And how bad we felt

When the whole thing went up.

I remember I loved all the animals

And they all loved me

But I really loved horses

And I hadn't a care

I would sneak out and sleep in the stables beside them

And Mama would scream when she found me there.

I remember Mama's song writing

And singing and ironing

Her fried chicken and biscuits

And Ma's apple cakes 

The country way Ma talked

Calling asparagus "Sparegrass"

And it was embarrassing to us kids

But boy, she could bake!

I remember the creek and the bridge

And the swimming hole in summer

Sitting on the stock-gap and up in the trees
Playing circus and clowns
With my brothers and sisters

Writing poetry for hours

'Bout the birds and the bees.

I remember sharing Ma's secrets

And going through her treasures 

Stealing chocolate covered cherries
That she thought I couldn't see

And how she would rail then

But she knew it was me.

I remember pet cats and dogs 

And squirrels and horses

Rabbits and pigs

And geese and goats

Cows and chickens

That Pa sold me for pennies

Like peacocks and turtles

But I hated the guineas.

I remember Mama dressing up

In outrageous costumes

Coming round to the door

And fooling our dad

Who thought she was a stranger

And how we all laughed

But he never saw funny, he always got mad.

I remember  gallons of ice cream and Ma's baby brother

Visiting the kinfolk that lived far off a ways

Working hard in the summer and sneaking off on Ole Dan

Riding up in the hills and staying all day.

I remember a lot of things

And some of them good

But most times were bad

Just because of my Dad

And to make a bad rhyme here:

That is so sad.

I wish I could remember him loving me 
Like a daddy should love

His own little girl

And him making me giggle

And buying me toys

But all I remember is his sad, angry world.

And in light of that memory

I've tried to make all my life

One big Hallmark moment

In the joy and the strife.........

And sometimes, I failed

And sometimes I succeeded 

But there have been many and I'm proud of that.

©By Voo 

June 17, 2017

10:47 p.m.

dedicated to Fathers everywhere

Please make happy times

For your kids to remember

For after all,

what else is left of you when you go
but the memories?

                                                         Remember by Sarah Mc Lachlan

Giving Away  Laughter by John Trudell

Man Of Contradictions

 

(The Man of 
 Contradictions)

I loved a man of contradictions

Who none of his promises kept

He wrote pages of poetry about wiping my tears

But he was the reason I wept.

I told him all about myself

My dreams, my fears, my hope

But when I queried a simple question

With that he could not cope.

He wrote of gods and goddesses

Of Poseidon under the sea

He wrote long poems about mists and mysteries

But few of his love for me.

And if he did, it was a series

Of questions without end

That took you down such winding roads

And back where they'd begin.

And you never got an answer

To any question asked

Not about the future

And not about the past.

The more you learned, the less you knew

And life went on the same

And all  you knew at the end of the day

Was his last and given name.

Oh, he could tell you about magic

Or Medusa with snakes in her hair

And he could write books about  Lilith's good looks

But about him, he had little to share.

Such a contradiction, was this man

Always secretly, carefully contained

He could charm and be bold till the unknown turned you cold

He could obtain love but could not love sustain.

He didn't lie but didn't tell you the truth

He just omitted all the everyday facts

We'd talk for hours about joy and pain

But I never knew the man behind the mask.

How can you love a man that you don't really know?

How can you long for one who can't seem to care?

How can you believe he'll ever be there for you 

When every time you turn 'round, he's not there.

The man of contradictions

The darkness and the light

Rolled into one, the fear and the fun

But only real in the dreams of the night.

I never was sure where I stood 

Never was sure how he felt

He seemed to think I should  just be so happy

With the mysterious cards that he dealt.

But I was never happy

And never satisfied

For he never gave me enough to be

And the gulf was always wide.

His joy could be contagious

And you hoped that it was true

Then from out of nowhere in the blink of an eye

He'd turn and blindside you.

And you never saw it coming

Or knew from whence it came

You wondered what on earth you'd done

And why you felt such shame.

Eggshells were the carpets you walked on

You had to tread so light

Because you never knew what made

His sunshine turn to night.

I loved him, oh, I loved him!

With all my heart and soul

But I never was a priority

A need, desire or goal.

I don't know what I meant to him

If indeed, meant any thing

In light of the way it all fell away

When I woke from that indecipherable dream.

The man of contradictions 

And complexities so deep

He'll never share his heart with me 

And his secrets will always keep.

Our love will fade into the mist

Like a cloud into the blue

And none of the dreams I shared with him

Will I ever see come true.

I stood and I waited, he walked away

I wanted the joy, and he chose the woe

God put together what his fear tore asunder

And that fairytale ending now, we'll never know.

©by Voo Shining Stone

😥💔