Lola and Hauser..Love Story

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The Green Hills...... in Memory of my brother

   going to the farm.....

The Green Hills

The green, green hills of Tennessee

Were tall and full of glory

As they always were and ever will be

To a barefoot child who ran there.

The skies were bright blue,

Filled with clouds of white cotton

Floating along lazily in the azure expanse,

In the wrath of a gold, blazing sun.

It was an involuntary journey,

Going back into the past

That had molded and made me

Who I was, who I am.

I didn’t want to be there, like that

A stranger, a visitor coming home from the world

One that had run from those wild, wandering hills

As fast as my young legs could take me.

I didn’t know what to do, where to look

I didn’t know how to feel, how to act

It was as if I walked in a long dreamless dream

Where everything was familiar but foreign.

There was family there

Some that I barely knew,

People who wanted to know and love me

But really, had no idea how.

It was strange

And beyond strange

In that pastoral setting

Such a postcard of a place that never quite was.

It was where I learned about life

And how not to live it

Where I learned how to die

And how to avoid it.

My hometown,

A scene that seems never to change,

Those hills rising high in the mists of the morning

Like castles in a little girl’s mind.

It was there I created a world

That would never be mine

Lying in meadows, fishing in creeks,

Praying into blue skies with my eyes full of tears.

Looking for answers

To a heart full of questions

Wondering how, why and when that the answers would come

Listening for whispers that I’d never hear.

That beautiful place

Was my prison, my dungeon

Jailed in that Eden by the need to control,

The need to suppress and the need to possess.

I was my father’s daughter

But he was hardly "my Daddy"

Just the despot of paradise

And a cloud blocking the sun.

Now,

He still lives where the hills make a hollow

Crippled and bitter, with a heart slowly dying,

Failing from disuse, still congested with scorn.

We buried my brother beneath that green earth,

Buried someone so gentle

And someone who was good

In the place of a man who could never show love.

There was a peace there

In the arms of the forests

It crept in with the terror

And the fear of the unknown.

It tried to comfort me, tried to hold me

But I couldn’t see it through my tears

Now, maybe I can feel it’s touch

Now that I’m far away.

I laid my brother’s funeral rose

Against my mother’s tombstone

Her sisters sang, (the two that’s left)

Old hymns from yesterday.

It was surreal, like life and death

And sadly bittersweet

Like a photograph you have to take

But you never want to see.

What is it about going home

That makes you feel so old?

Makes you remember your every thought

And relive your every dream?

There were some mysteries solved

But I left with different questions

So many scars were opened up

That I thought had long been healed.

How can ugliness live in a place of such beauty?

Innocence die, in the face of disdain?

I do not understand, Lord, I do not understand!

Shouldn’t there be answers now, shouldn’t there be love?

I feel like such a child again

A new-born child sent back in time

To the place that formed this wounded woman,

Birthed poems of joy and dark despair.

I don’t know how to write of this

Mere words somehow cannot convey

The pictures painted on my mind,

The flood that’s raging through my soul.

Those green, green hills of Tennessee

My hell, my heaven, my childhood home

Faded now with sunset in the rear view mirror

And I’ve never felt so all alone.

©By Voo Shining Stone

August 28, 2011

the occasion of my

brother Mike's death

Mask

Dark Piano

Mask

I wear a mask these days
These long, long days of apple green
And cherry red hues of violent fire
Flowing ever constant through my veins.

No one should see this
This me that lives inside my head
This soulstruck, angry being
Shoveling coal in an imaginary hell.

What is it about me
That terrifies myself as nothing else can
That wakes me in the deepest night
To lie awake working out unsolvable puzzles?

I love..I can love…I do love
I love with a persistence that denies dream
Denies fault, denies substance and begging
And clings to invisible strings dangling in the darkness.

Yet in the morning
I wear a mask and a cloak of hiding
Covering breaks in the mind
And tears in the seams of a ragged heart.

I do this for protection
Not for myself but for the world
That must not be exposed to the hurt
Hanging from my eyes and shadowing my footsteps.

I am a phantom
A ghost living among the living
Not participating in the life
But still remembering it’s taste.

Here and there, now and again
I meet another, like myself
Shrouded in mist and howling in silent pain
And we stand and stare as if in a mirror.

And oft as not, we do not speak
But nod in recognition and bow
To a fellow sufferer of these dark days
And endless, everlasting aching.

Once, I was young and beautiful
Vibrant with life and running over with love
Joyful as dawn and undaunted by the setting of the sun
And the world was my happy playground.

But now the midnight
Wraps me in it’s icy arms
Caresses my face with cold sleepless fingers
And kisses I do not want.

It tells me that here I belong
Here, abandoned by love and deserted by hope
I must dwell now always, hiding my ugliness
Behind this mask of the forsaken.

What a hellish, lonely thing life is!
Outwardly, I have not changed
I am still beautiful there, still young, still very much alive
It’s only on the inside that I am terrifying

It’s only on the inside, that it’s dark

All the time.

by Voo

Sept 22, 07

copyrighted

So Cute...so Cuddly...

Wicked Game by Hauser on his wicked cello....omg

On The Other Side of The Other Side

On The Other Side of the Other Side

Out there in the cold gray dawn

I see you in the mist

Your face so sad and vulnerable

Needing to be kissed.

I cannot bear to see it

I cannot bear to feel

And yet I do not really know

If it is false or real.

You raise your hopeful eyes to me

A tear runs down your face

You plead with me yet silently

To all your fears, erase.

And I don't know the way to go

To make you smile again

Two lovers, we, so wild and free

That started out as friends.

Then love stepped in and pulled us

Down to love's dark depths

So star-crossed, we, so love starved, we

Needing love, despaired, bereft.

And the more we loved, the more we wanted

The more it slipped our grasp

And futures bright bade us goodnight

And slipped into our past.

What good is love if it can't live

Within the present time?

What good is love if it can't exist

Outside the tortured mind?

I ache to hold you desperately

In my two arms so tight

To bid you stay here in the day

And banish the lonely night.

But wishes are only wishes

And hope is just a yen

And yearning is just a dream undreamed

Of what might have, could have been.

I see you in the mist of dawn

Your head bowed on your chest

Waiting for me to come to you

And give your soul a rest.

But here between the two of us

There stands an invisible door

'Twixt tangible and ethereal

And it won't open any more.

I've tried to break it down with tears

I've tried a hammer's pounding

But the hammer bounced back in my hand

And in my tears I just fell, drowning.

I watch you in that mirror now

There on on the other side

Waiting to see if you can find the key

To the place where I reside.

What cruel, cruel fate, the two of us

Have been assigned and yet

We're sentenced to recall the rise and fall

And the love we can't forget.

My love, I know you hear me

There on your side of this

Unhappy world where boy and girl

Were wedded with one kiss.

Then torn apart with breaking hearts

To exist in the world alone

Watching one another fade

Till the two of us are gone.

©by Voo

for the man that faded into the mist

9/09/19

2:29 p.m.

The Wrong Road To The Right Place

The Wrong Road To The Right Place

Whistlin' in the dark

As I traverse this here dark road

This road that ain't found on no road map

Nor on no piece of paper

Nor drawn on a napkin by a "greasy spoon" waitress.

No, this road don't rightly take you no wheres

Didn't start no wheres and who but God 

                      Knows where it ends..................

I don't. Or I didn't.

I just closed my eyes as I stood there

At the fork in the road and threw a stolen rose

Over my left shoulder

                 And it fell to the right............

And that is how I ended up

        On this here dusty road tryin' to get to Heaven......

Honk HONK!!!! Get out  of the road, you OLD fool!!!!

(Some kid feeling his oats in his daddy's car, I reckon)

NO.....some wanna-be gangster boy from up North

wantin' to mess with somebody out here on these back roads.....

What am I lookin' for?

    You tell me........boy!

You're the Son of A Gun askin' the questions!

I didn't ask you nothin'

And I reckon that's what I 'll get.....

Story of my life.....Always nothin'!.

The Bible says: You have NOT

  'Cause you ASK not............

But I don't know what to ask fer

(I don't want to get...smited) (SMOTED?) Kilt...

Lord, I don't know....God always uses such BIG words...

My brain can't hardly ascertain the little ones

Like thee and Thou and How Now Brown Cow....

Oh, wait! That ain't scripture, is it? Or is it?

Shoot! I don't know nothin. I'm half heathen, I guess

But I AIM to make HEAVEN my HOME!

WHERE AM I GOING?

   you just full of questions, ain't ye???

Dang fool Yankee!!! (sotto voce)

You don't hear me goin' off half cocked

Askin' you jack! 

                  Mostly, 'cause I don't care

And secondly, 'Cause I don't CARE!

I got enough problems fer the both of us 

                     Plus everbody in WhyNot, Mississippi  

Damn! I sure could use me a good ole cold drink!

You got a RC cola on ye? Or an Orange Crush?

Pepsi???! Damn, son, we don't drink no Pepsi down here!

Might as well drank swamp water......Pepsi!!!!!  Goll durn...

Hey!! HEY!!!  No use gittin' all riled up about it!!!

What you doin', boy???? CALM THE HELL BACK DOWN!!!

What a little feller like you doin' with a BIG ole GUN like that???

Naw, I ain't gonna be quiet! Naw, hell naw! Didn't yore Pa told ye

Not to point no PISTOL at nobody lest you aim to....to.....

No..............I can't help ye with no gas money....

I ain't got no Money, son! If I did, you thank I'd be out here

 hitching in this here hot sun tryin' to find my way to Heaven? 

                                    Nooo...not that HEAVEN.......!!!

Heaven, Alabama. Where the purtiest girl in the Whole WORLD live!

You got a girl, son? Anybody on Earth love your sorry ass?

No..no..I didn't mean nothin.....Just talkin'. 

No need to get all bent outta shape.........

I done tole you I ain't got no Money! I can't give you Nothin'  but ADVICE!

C'mon, man......Don't do me that a way...I ain't lying'. I try not to lie......much...

I wants to go to HEAVEN one day. (I just don't Want to go right NOW....

you know what I'm sayin?)                Quit that now! That hurts!!!

No need to kick a man when he down!!! Lord, have Mercy!!!  Here...Here..

 I got a five dollar bill here in my shoe...You can have THAT. Just don't hurt me. 

No...I ain't got no MORE...

I ain't got nothin' but some Juicy Fruit gum I'm saving fer supper.

What??? 

You gonna take that too? Well, if that ain't a damn cryin' shame...! 

 I bet yore Mama sure would be proud of you 'bout right now, wouldn't she????

No, no, not trying to talk about yore Mama! Not meaning no 

Dis Respect to nobody.... let me go now, boy..I gots to git on down this here road

fore it gits too DARK to see...LET ME GO NOW!!!! Dadblame yore hide!!!

No, I won't tell noBody...I promise.  I won't report you to no POLICE... I won't TELL,

I swear to GOD....let me go NOW.....I won't.......

                                                      BANG!!!!

LORD GOD, son!!! You didn't have to do THAT!!! Why You want to KILL some old

NOBoDY like me???? I didn't mean you no harm....here, take this JUICY FRUIT.

Take it! You wanted it a minute ago! Here, boy.......

A little blood won't hurt ye.... I don't need no gum where I'm goin'...

                                           Where am I Going?????              

WHY.....Heaven, Alabama, OF COURSE!!!! Where my girl at....She waitin' on me down there.

She been WAITIN' a long TIME.  She love me, she says last time I seen her. 

I love her too, I shorely do!  Hot damn! She gonna be happy to see my ole raggedy butt!!!  Hee Hee

LORD..it shore is Bright out heres. I can't hardly SEE, it so BRIGHT. 

What's goin' on here? I feel like I'm fadin'.....jest fadin' away....

         right here in this dirt with the Sun in my eyes.......

Where you goin', BOY???? Come back here!!!! Why you runnin???? 

THEM ain't nothin' but angels.....

 Them ain't nothin' but.......................ANGELS....????!!!!!   Lord God....

Come to thank about it...I thank that ole rose fell to the LEFT! 

I should a done took that OTHER ROAD.................................

         I don't thank this 'un is goin' to Alabama..........

                                                      no, sir....not to no Alabama.........

                                     Not to no Heaven...........Alabama.....
                             Not to no...........................................................no

©By Voo Shining Stone

August  16, 2019

4:22 a.m.

copyrighted