ORPHAN repost

Orphan

Outside looking in, I stand

Like an orphan at a window

Gazing in at happy scenes

And families 'round the room.

Is there no one to look out at me

At my little lonely face?

Why is my smile un-welcomed

And my hand untouched and shunned?

Though years have passed and I’m now grown

I’m still outside that window

Still an orphan looking in

Still waiting to belong.

I feel like a bit player

In the movie of my life

With someone else in the starring role

While I’m standing in the background.

I’m a footnote in a dusty book

With my name upon the cover,

An unsung song, a passing thought

And a poet under ground.

Not all artists find fame at death

(Nor do I want to be known then)

If I cannot know the taste of love

While I walk upon this world.

I only want a taste of it

A little taste

A little light shining in the window

When I get to my home.

A little touch upon my back

When I am tired

A little crumb of the bread of love

In this famine that is my life.

A family,

A love to love

A face to call my friend

That’s all, that’s all, that’s all I ask.

My well has run dry and my soul is in drought

I have given much out and received little back

I am dry, I am dry, Lord, I am so dry

Like the Sahara in the summer.

I have suffered for my art

And now my art has become my fortress

I am a book that no one reads

And nobody understands.

The wallflower standing at the back of the room

While the dancers feel the music

Invisible and un-noticed

Like the paisley on the walls.

The third wheel, an unwanted guest,

The object to maneuver around

With no one bothering to wonder and see

If the object should have a soul.

I have no birthdays to celebrate now

For all the people that knew I was born

Are gone

I’m just a number now and a unpaid bill to pay.

I was born an orphan

A foreign thing in a family full of strangers

Be  quiet! Hush! Get out of the way!

Why can’t you be like the others?

Did you not see

How badly I wanted to be like the others?

Mother, could you never hear

How desperate I was to be heard?

I have been quiet all my life

While crying and shouting and screaming inside

Like a butterfly too weak

To break out of it’s cocoon.

I am so tired of being invisible

So tired

So tired of waiting for the tide to turn

And the miracle that waits ’round the corner.

I was born in the wrong era, I guess

Two hundred years ago, I wouldn’t know

That the phone only rings

Because it’s a wrong number.

Two hundred years ago,

I wouldn’t wait and wonder

Why there wasn’t a letter

In the mail box for me.

I wouldn’t know

But now in ways, I can no longer count

My rejection, my un-needed-ness

Surrounds me like a fun house mirror.

I know I am written on the palm of my God

And someday I will know the love I do not know now

And someday I will be among the millions

And still be loved as if an only child.

But that is then and this is now

And now I want, I crave, I yearn, I burn, I need

A taste of that, that I can only just imagine

A little drop of rain on the desert of my heart.

A little taste

For this little orphan

Standing at the window watching

For someone to notice me.

©By Voo

April 14, 2011

11:14 p.m.

Invisible

My favorite song....A Place Called Love

by Johnny Reid

37 A Final Promise ( a movie and soundtrack I recommend)

😎

Anyone who even halfway knows me, knows

I am not your average run-of-the-mill girl.

I don't like Top40 music or fads or pop culture

or blockbuster movies or doing the latest thing.

I am Me. I like anything that has Soul. That

touches me, makes me laugh, makes me cry.

I love finding obscure films I've never heard of

and finding incredible stories and characters

and music in them. Finding people who remind

me of me or people I think I could love if I met them

in real life. 'Cause God knows I don't have a lot of

people in real life that I love or that love me. So if I

find something special, I want to share it here, on my blog

whether anyone sees it or reads it or hears it or not...

It's here if you want to get inside my head and heart.

And if you don't, then it's your loss. 'Cause I got a lot of

love, music and funny in me and who knows, you might

 you like it.  Voo 💗🤪😮😄

*********************************************

This movie isn't for everyone

but I highly recommend it. I saw it recently

and could so much relate to it, despite all the F

bombs which I HATE...but it's a great movie, based on

a true story and has some great music in it. 

This movie is showing on TUBI...possibly You Tube  IDK

   

       

  

      

  

Little Drummer Boy

Little Drummer Boy

There he sits in the background, as usual

In the dark, behind the stars

 

He waits for his solo

Patiently, but not always

Sometimes, he has to play

To let go of the rage

To get all the pain gone

And beat the hell out of the demons

When he gets like that

The other members turn to look

Stand to the side

And let him have the floor

Play, little drummer boy, they chant

And the audience stops in their tracks

It's those times he lives for

Those moments he shines like the star he is

You can hear the drum beat in heaven

You can feel the roll in hell

The room races with the rhythm

And his heart comes alive with the beat of percussion

Play, little drummer boy, play, I say softly

As I watch him from my corner

And as he plays and marches to his own beat

I feel the earth move under my feet

I feel my pain shatter like glass

And fall away like rain gone dry

On and on he pounds those drums

Softly now, wilder now, wilder now

And the cymbals crash in silence

As the crescendo peaks and falls

We catch our breath

And hold it, afraid to exhale

The moment is magic

It's healing, it's deliverance in a drum

The crowd goes wild

And for a moment, the spotlight holds him prisoner

Then it's over

And the stars begin to sing again

The people rush to the dance floor

Full of energy, full of renewed release

And in the background

The little drummer boy sits in the dark

Tears fill his eyes, he is alone

His hands hurt, his fingers tingle

But the anger is gone now

The rage subsided, the demons quieted

He has played his heart out once more

And nothing else matters to him for awhile

And he is at peace

©by Voo

Dec 1, 08

7 p.m.

For Todd

The Eyes Of Old Men

The Eyes of Old Men

We've seen your heart in the eyes of old men

Taken under your wing every now and again

You gave them a home and a laugh, and a meal

You gave them a refuge and some peace they could feel

God was pleased with your compassion, I know

I don't need anyone to tell me it's so.

You grew up strong and you grew up wild

To your parents, a gift and an only child

You got their blessings and cursings, too

For their only desire was controlling you

But you honored them with all that you had

Even though it would often make other folks mad.

When I was a child, you were busy and gone

And left us there often in our hills and our home

At times you were hard and seemed to us, cruel

Provoked and provoking us like we were tools

At times you were gentle and spoke with a soft voice

And we wondered what happened when you made that choice.

You were such a strong bodied and willful man

Guiding us all with your strong, willful hands

Even now as you lie there all broken and weak

You're still making us cower like we're tiny and meek

We try hard to honor you just as much as we can

But we take our guidance now from Heaven's strong hand.

Father, up there You must know just how much

We struggle and long for our Dad's gentle touch

A word of concern, or a soft loving glance

Some interest in our lives. Is there any chance?

Please reach down, I beg You and open his heart

For all we are growing is farther apart.

For we are, as those old men, so lonely and cold

Friendless and untouched, much like things bought and sold

Betrayed by his hard looks, cruel laughs and mean words

Orphaned by his father's heart. Oh, Lord, it's absurd!

We are cut to the quick till the tears sting our eyes

While we reach out in vain for his love like a prize.

Oh, Lord, hear the prayers in our unhealed childish hearts

Resolve and restore before death pulls us apart

We've waited so long for a Daddy that cares

And who smiles with his eyes and doesn't pierce with his stare

We just want the same love that we know he has shown

Open armed to the outcasts, to these outcasts at home.

Daddy, we've seen your heart in the eyes of old men

Homeless old beggars, and you took them in

But Daddy, we need you, to look now at us

Your children, grown up in a world without trust

Trusting in God now to guide from above

But we still need your kindness, we still need your love.

Look now upon us, six trees standing tall

We are your children, you fathered us all

But we need a daddy and we need a friend

And all of those things that you've never been

We're motherless now and soon you'll be gone

While there's time, won't you reach out and make us feel at home

In the eyes of an old man...............

©by Joy and Voo

Jan 07, 08

For our dad
who died in 2014
Don't know if he ever read this or not
but we sent it to him
There are 4 of us left now
and he never made his peace with us

Being Home

Being Home 

I miss the sweetness of the day 

The twilights and the dawns per se 

The rain that fell on old tin roofs 

And the pounding of my horse's hoofs 

The country side so green and fair 

The hills in winter, the County Fair 

The Spring in May, the flowers so wild 

The joy in just being a child 

I miss the dinners on family tables 

The love that made us all feel able 

To face the world so cold and mean 

The beauty in life that can't be seen 

The cows in the meadow, the fish in the creek 

The hay in the hay fields fresh smelling and sweet 

The rabbits that ran when we ran through those fields 

The way we were then when our young lives felt real 

But most of all, I miss the love 

I miss the wonder of skies above 

I miss the way I longed for life 

And never knew then of the oncoming strife

I miss my mom and I miss my dad 

And all the good times we all had 

My brothers and sisters and the farm of my youth 

Working the earth and knowing the truth 

For the truth now escapes me 

As my life slips away 

And the twilights have taken 

All my sunrises away 

How I miss those sweet days 

And the joy I have known 

How I miss feeling loved 

How I miss being Home.

©by Voo 

October 31, 2004

 2:15 a.m.

The Green Hills...... in Memory of my brother

   going to the farm.....

The Green Hills

The green, green hills of Tennessee

Were tall and full of glory

As they always were and ever will be

To a barefoot child who ran there.

The skies were bright blue,

Filled with clouds of white cotton

Floating along lazily in the azure expanse,

In the wrath of a gold, blazing sun.

It was an involuntary journey,

Going back into the past

That had molded and made me

Who I was, who I am.

I didn’t want to be there, like that

A stranger, a visitor coming home from the world

One that had run from those wild, wandering hills

As fast as my young legs could take me.

I didn’t know what to do, where to look

I didn’t know how to feel, how to act

It was as if I walked in a long dreamless dream

Where everything was familiar but foreign.

There was family there

Some that I barely knew,

People who wanted to know and love me

But really, had no idea how.

It was strange

And beyond strange

In that pastoral setting

Such a postcard of a place that never quite was.

It was where I learned about life

And how not to live it

Where I learned how to die

And how to avoid it.

My hometown,

A scene that seems never to change,

Those hills rising high in the mists of the morning

Like castles in a little girl’s mind.

It was there I created a world

That would never be mine

Lying in meadows, fishing in creeks,

Praying into blue skies with my eyes full of tears.

Looking for answers

To a heart full of questions

Wondering how, why and when that the answers would come

Listening for whispers that I’d never hear.

That beautiful place

Was my prison, my dungeon

Jailed in that Eden by the need to control,

The need to suppress and the need to possess.

I was my father’s daughter

But he was hardly "my Daddy"

Just the despot of paradise

And a cloud blocking the sun.

Now,

He still lives where the hills make a hollow

Crippled and bitter, with a heart slowly dying,

Failing from disuse, still congested with scorn.

We buried my brother beneath that green earth,

Buried someone so gentle

And someone who was good

In the place of a man who could never show love.

There was a peace there

In the arms of the forests

It crept in with the terror

And the fear of the unknown.

It tried to comfort me, tried to hold me

But I couldn’t see it through my tears

Now, maybe I can feel it’s touch

Now that I’m far away.

I laid my brother’s funeral rose

Against my mother’s tombstone

Her sisters sang, (the two that’s left)

Old hymns from yesterday.

It was surreal, like life and death

And sadly bittersweet

Like a photograph you have to take

But you never want to see.

What is it about going home

That makes you feel so old?

Makes you remember your every thought

And relive your every dream?

There were some mysteries solved

But I left with different questions

So many scars were opened up

That I thought had long been healed.

How can ugliness live in a place of such beauty?

Innocence die, in the face of disdain?

I do not understand, Lord, I do not understand!

Shouldn’t there be answers now, shouldn’t there be love?

I feel like such a child again

A new-born child sent back in time

To the place that formed this wounded woman,

Birthed poems of joy and dark despair.

I don’t know how to write of this

Mere words somehow cannot convey

The pictures painted on my mind,

The flood that’s raging through my soul.

Those green, green hills of Tennessee

My hell, my heaven, my childhood home

Faded now with sunset in the rear view mirror

And I’ve never felt so all alone.

©By Voo Shining Stone

August 28, 2011

the occasion of my

brother Mike's death