Lying here trying not to think,
I think of you against my will, against my want
As though bidden by some dark pulling
That cannot be broken by force.
I seem to feel your eyes
Looking for me in the moon's light
Raking across the ceiling of your room
Willing me to look for you.
But there's no me for you to find now
My form has gone where the broken go
To the valley of trampled hearts
And misdirected dreams.
I went unwillingly,
But of necessary need
For self-preservation
And fear of unanswered questions.
Oh, I still feel you, still see you faintly
Maybe not with the usual five,
(Senses that all beings have)
But with a sixth sense unusually honed.
You see, I've never been ordinary, not really
That's what drew you to me,
Led you to me, made you love me,
Bound us in unexplainable, unbreakable chains.
You needed no enchantments for that,
No candles burning at midnight,
No murmured chants, no recitations from ancient books,
No magic at all or ever.
It was love that drew us,
Led us, found us, bound us
Encircled us with her hands
And threaded us together as one.
But it was love, as well,
That broke the threads, the binding,
The defining and entwining
And put out the fires flickering in the dark.
It was love that healed and love that cut
And love that lost it's way
And yet tonight in quietest quiet
Your heart still calls to mine.
Your need has no definition,
Your wanting burns as though unquenched,
Your desire screams without a voice,
As your arms hold to my memory.
I feel you, even now
Across the miles and marbled mountains
Tossing and turning like an ocean's wave
Drawing me to you willingly, as before.............
And failing that, against my will.
And failing that, against my will.
©by Voo Shining Stone
9/19/2020
1:39 a.m.
What an interesting and extraordinary bond of two who have lost each other because of circumstances and the struggle of one to want to put it in the past and the haunting memory that will not leave, yet wanting to draw her to him.
ReplyDeleteI love these lines:
It was love that drew us,
Led us, found us, bound us
Encircled us with her hands
And threaded us together as one.
I can relate to this in my own way.
Thank you. D'Sal. This just flowed out of my soul in the middle of the night.
ReplyDeleteMy soul seems so conflicted. I take 3 steps forward and two steps back. The farther I run, the
lesser the distance between Yet, I know, that if I again ran toward...the quicker love would
run in the opposite direction. Is love worth all this madness? Is love merely expressed in words, real love at all or simply poetry from the heart of one who cannot love in deed? I wonder......If faith without works is dead, as the scriptures say...isn't that true, also of love? Love without works is dead??? Merely an emotion only felt by one and not the other? What is that, I ask you? An emotional river, dammed by logs, with no where to stream to.....a living thing soon turned to stagnation and unable to breathe. Is that love? Or living death? And what a waste of life!
Love is definitely an action and not just a word. For instance water! Water in essence is a tangible substance that is essential to life. But if it just sits there such as in a pond, and never flows anywhere, then it becomes stagnant. Unfit for anyone.
ReplyDeleteLove is a tangible thing that when put in motion, can be life giving to the soul of it's recipient..... But life with no action might as well be bottled up and stored away. It's of no use, becoming stagnant.
If I say "I love you" to someone and do nothing to show it, then it's really not love. It's just a feeling that goes nowhere. But if I truly love them, then I would literally go to the ends of the earth to find them. But for love between two to be complete it must be given in return with no strings attached.
If you love someone regardless if it's returned or not, your love is flowing onto the other person. It isn't stagnant at all. It's just on a one way street. Then you're just loving them from afar. If you're content with that then life goes on and you're happy. But if you're not, life still goes on and a decision to finally let go has to be set in motion. It's not an easy path but one that must be taken to preserve your own life and sanity. Don't let it become a living death to you. Life is precious.
So tell me Your Graciousness, why are you so conflicted? What are you running from or to?
an old love...a new love. Both, neither....both beautiful, both unbearable, same difference:
DeleteImpossible, star-crossed. Yet achingly desired. Is that enough conflict for you, D'Sal? haha
When I go, I go all the way, wouldn't you say? I am, after all, Voo, Warrior Princess both running from and toward...a man who doesn't really exist except in an unfinished book. Maybe I should finally get back to Warriors of the Way and find out once and for all how it all turns out. I'll let you in on a little secret....sometimes when I write something in poem form or story...that very thing tends to happen to me in real life. So I have to be careful what I write
because I never know until too late if my words will manifest in reality. I know that may not make sense, only one person possibly could understand it and that person is out of my life because he could never really understand me at all, could never make me feel secure enough to trust him even though I wanted to with all my heart. But at least now I know what true love feels like, just like the girl in our book. Love is pain without measure and desire without end. Terrifying, rapturous, and apparently, only truly exists on a level that I have yet to attain in this life. Everybody knows me, nobody knows me. Everybody loves me, nobody loves me. The never ending story of my life. Conflict, within and without. Following that carrot dangling on the end of the stick to entice one to keep moving forward...commonly known as Love. There! I have answered all and none of your questions, amigo!!!! lol Thank you for your lovely and touching words. I know you see the lost little girl inside me, probably more clearly than anyone else ever has and for that, I thank you. You truly have the Father's heart and He works through you in wonderful ways.🧡😊
We're not too much different you and I. In one sense, everyone knows me, and yet they don't know me. They know how I think, yet they don't know what I think. No one has gotten that close. When I go all out, I lay it on the line.
DeleteYou're not alone when it comes to conflict within. Me! The guy who sees love as it is and can be, has his own conflicts. Yet love eludes me. I can write about it because I've lived it and am passionate about it, yet I feel alone.
As for WOTW, I'm more like D'Sal in your story(since he has no name yet). I can relate to him well. And yes, go and finish the story. I think it's time.
I see more of that lost little girl than you realize. Your poems tell me at times. But in our conversations on your blogs, emails, and so on, I see it. When I read them I see your vulnerability. You're a tough but sensitive little cookie! That's one of the reasons I stick up for you by not wanting you to feel as if you're alone. You're not. But my compassion is also my driving force. And it really is His heart and love working through me. I'll never deny it nor withhold it. It wouldn't let me even if I tried.
You've gone through a lot in recent months. Even now, life has overwhelmed you. I could see feeling alone after all that. But I'm an optimist. I see the glass as only half full. There's room for more to put in it. People have wondered why I don't give up on anything. I don't see that as an option yet. So I continue to push forward, but only on the things that I have purposed my heart, soul, and mind on. Something with purpose.
I've talked much too long.
Maybe I've answered some of your questions!!!
D'Sal
You are a wonderful man and you deserve all the joy and happiness in this world. Your
Deletefriendship has uplifted me more than you know. I've been on this obstacle course since 2014. In December, it will be 6 years! I hope going into this 7th year that I will get my "day of rest" and my Jubilee. I've been tried and tested in every way a human being can be tested. I prayed on The Feast of Trumpets or Jewish New Year feast day yesterday that my name was written in the Book of Life for a sweet year ahead." I believe that's how the Jews pray on that day. I sure could use a sweet year.....Lord willing! And I hope I didn't fail God too badly. If I did, I repent..........smile. bless you, my friend for being you.
Thank you for the compliment. Honestly, I don't think I deserve anything at all. But I am grateful for what I do have and what I can do.
DeleteI didn't know I was an uplifting guy! Thanks!
I'm praying that you do have a sweet year ahead. And you haven't failed God! You may have disappointed Him but you didn't fail Him. He loves you too much to see you fail. But He will pick you up and dust you off and send you back out. If He was through with you He'd call you home.
You've been on a heck of a roller coaster ride, making all those twists and turns, but you haven't given in. I'll be here to keep you company. And I'll always be me.
D'Sal
Hey Warrior Princess, how are feeling? Have you given anymore thought on what you said in your quote above?
ReplyDeleteQuote:
"Maybe I should finally get back to Warriors of the Way and find out once and for all how it all turns out."
I had a thought earlier. Don't give him, you know, (the unnamed D'Sal guy) a name! Leave it mysterious. Because she has not asked his name maybe it's because she wants to hang onto the mystery he has brought into her life. I know it's your story, but each time I read an excerpt from it this is what comes across to me. It keeps it romantic.............. just giving you my thoughts.......D'Sal
I honestly haven't even thought about his name, actually. I know it may sound
Deletestrange but this story wrote itself, literally. I never had an idea what was going to come out
of my fingers. None. I keep waiting for the "muse" or whatever you want to call it to just say
"Ok, it's time. Start typing. But here's something I haven't talked about before....shhhhh
I am having a major problem with my eyes for a while. This stupid LD eventually affects every
part of your body. It's worked itself into my eyes now. It's so frustrating. Sometimes I can't even see to type or read or anything. Scary. Sometimes I type something and find it days later and it's just a mess of typos! That's one reason I feel so isolated and lonely lately. I didn't
want anyone to know. But what the heck! If it gets worse and I disappear, people need to know why. I have an appt on Nov 20th so we'll see what happens then. Just pray for my eyes. Can't do
anything without my eyes, right??? Sigh. Thank you for being so patient. I know those characters
are sick of being out there in limbo......as am I. This book, this story. .has been so close to
my own journey...you have no idea. hugs
You poor thing. I pray for you daily, so you don’t have to worry about that. I’ll add your eyes as a special request. Keep me posted over time.
DeleteAbout the story. Don’t mind me. I’m not impatient. I’m just trying to keep you motivated. Just take care of yourself.