I Don't Mind

I don't mind

I don't mind the tears

I just hate all the crying

I don't mind being dead

I just hate all the dying.

©Voo

Sept 3, 2017

8:48 p.m.



You There song

EVERY ONE LEAVES ME BEHIND

Every One Leaves Me Behind

Constant, perpetually, always

Words that describe my grief

And bitterest sorrow

Words that rake across my heart

Like ice cold wind

On a howling December dawn

I hate those words

I hate the way the meanings changed

When all the love left my world

I hate the way my soul broke

And memories became torture devices

Instead of sunny days

Eternally, everlasting, evermore

Words that use to be valentine cards

And not a diagnosis of my pain

Words that fill me with despair

And not the joy they once did

When I knew what joy could be

I hate the way my head hurts

When I think of everlasting agony

Without a hand to soothe my brow

I hate it.  I hate it!  I hate this...........

Loneliness without end and

Days filled up with emptiness

Nothing means anything anymore

Not even nothing

When there used to be nothing that I wouldn't

Do for love

Now there's no love to do anything for

Not in my life, not in my mind

Love has departed holding hands with hope

Perpetually slamming it's door in my face......

Gone where all the good things go

Things I never could hold on to

Even if I found them outside of a dream

Whether it's true or just in my mind........

Everyone leaves me behind.

© by Voo

Aug 28, 2017

2:11 a.m.

IN THE FOREST OF THE FULL MOON

 in the forest of the full moon

slipping my tiny hand into yours,
I felt your big hand close around it

and you smiled down into my eyes 
and sparkled like a beautiful diamond

for a moment in the growing darkness.....

and I felt so safe.

It felt as though I had known you forever....
you were so kind, so thoughtful

so warm, so all knowing and powerful

like the daddy I never had, like the brother I always wanted,
like the friend  I never knew
like the lover of my soul they always told me would come my way.

you made me laugh, you made me hope, you made me trust

meeting you was like the fairy tale come true,
the three wishes granted,

the waking to find the dream was real..........

I couldn't smile big enough.

we walked and talked all through the day,
stopping for treats and tea and flowers picked 
and rainbow watching and running in the rain

so wonderful a world I had never known! 

the people looked at us as we walked side by side, hand in hand
and they smiled upon us as if bestowing us with honor 
due a princess and a king...........

and I glowed in the basking of the love
and let it heal my wounded heart.

toward evening, I asked you where you were taking me 
and you patted my little shoulder and softly said.....
somewhere where you'll be safe, where you'll be cared for 
and wanted and loved forever and ever
and never be afraid.

those words caressed my mind with tenderness
and I sighed a sigh of relief and thanks that at last
the orphan in me had found a loving home......

we walked on and the familiar gave way to strange landscapes
and the day slipped down into fiery sunset 
and hurried on it's way into the dark.

at the edge of the forest, I felt a tinge of fear within me
but brushed it off as your hand pressed mine in reassurance 
and I saw your white teeth gleaming in a loving smile.........

everything will be alright, you promised and I nodded, 
trusting in your words and loving you with everything in me
because you loved me....
the lost and unloved child of the streets and earth 
and fatherless/motherless family.

promise? I asked so quietly I could hardly hear myself
and you said, promise!

and I let you take me into that dark wood
with it's thousand trees and thousand birds and thousand eyes 
that suddenly stopped their rushing and went silent as a stone.

I heard you breathing, fast and faster 
and felt the pulse in your hand speed up and race so furiously 
that I pulled my hand from yours in confusion
and you made a sound that I had never heard before.

quick as a flash, the moon came up 
and sped high into the sky before my face
and lit up the ground on which we stood,
showing the brook nearby rushing over large and tiny shards of rock
and the trees that appeared to me to be like castles, 
huge and overshadowing the two of us, so tiny in their sight.

taking in the scene, I looked for some semblance of a house
or home or tent or arbor, some place welcoming 
and warm with fire and sheltering from wind and woe

is this where we're going? I asked..........puzzled 
and turned to search your face now turned from mine 
and hidden in a shadow I could not penetrate with my unadjusted eyes.

yessssssss.... you whispered in a voice not yours,
not warm, not kind, not known, not.....human

and there in moonlight, bright as day,
with clouds circling it's rocky roundness 
and birds as quiet as whispers and night as still as death.........

my cherished friend, my new found love, my hero and protector 
became a beast.

a changeling, huge and evil and terrible in it's face and form

a nightmare come to life with ravening mouth 
and eyes full of horrible, man-less hunger
I could not move. I stood and stared.........
and then I shed a tear and put out my hand, my little hand 
that moments ago had held yours in blissful friendship.

and you took it...and crushed it.........
threw back your head and howled an endless screaming howl

no trace of the man there any longer.........
and without one word of apology or warning,

you devoured me and my trusting heart
threw my bones into the brook and ran into the darkness growling.

and here I stay unto this day, a child ever remaining
my spirit haunted and haunting the place of my betrayal, forever
in the forest of the full moon

watching and waiting for your return.........

bringing other trusting children to their dark despair and lonely ends

smiling that gleaming smile.......
and holding their little hands in yours.

©by voo 

Aug 6, 2005 

7:47 p.m.

for all the abused...and trusting victims of monsters, 

human and otherwise