DEAD FLOWERS IN A FRUIT JAR

            

Dead Flowers In A Fruit Jar

"See you around, girl!" you say hanging out the window

Trying to look sorrowful

"I left you some flowers over yonder to make you think of me!"

And I look toward the window on the porch by the swing

And see a fruit jar full of Black-eyed Susans setting there

Like little spots of sunshine on a cloudy day

And tears sting my eyes.

"Take care now." you post script hastily

And pull that loud ass Grand Prix out of the driveway

And burn rubber down the highway just as fast

As a crazy man can with forty dollars in his pocket

And a dream as big as Texas.

Watching that burnt orange color

As far as I could in the noon day sun,

I felt like a thrown away memory 

In somebody's childhood scrapbook

Standing there like a fool in my cotton dress

And the apron I made cause you said you liked the color yellow on me.

But never got around to buying me a yellow dress or a car or an iron

Or found time to give me that baby girl you always said you wanted

With my eyes and my hair and your smile and your imagination

I imagine I won't ever get that baby now. Or that iron.

I don't imagine I'll ever see your smiling face again in my lifetime

Not now, when you got everything you ever wanted

Waiting for you down the road with a big contract to sign

And shiny new guitars and movie stars to meet

(And of course, that willowy blonde that discovered you

At the roadhouse fifteen Saturday nights ago

Singing "Your Cheating Heart.")

Taking the wash off the line,

I bury my nose in your fresh blue shirt

And wonder if you'll remember that you forgot it

And come barreling back up the road,

Dust clouds twirling about your head like halos

In that ugly orange monstrosity you love more than me

But not as much as yourself.

For a moment I let myself

Look longingly down the road in hopeful wonder

And when minutes pass by

With only the sound of a dog howling

And angry bees in the apple trees buzzing

And that old grandfather clock in the living room chiming

Like the Death March at some body's funeral.

I shrug my proud shoulders and march over to the well,

Take off my wedding ring and throw that damned thing in

Not waiting to hear it ding against the walls

Or splash into it's cold wet depths

But turn and throw the laundry into the wind

Like confetti on Dick Clark's New Year's Eve.

The blue shirt ends up plastered against the side of the barn

Like a bull's eye waiting to get shot at

And I wonder if you took the gun

But feel too sad to shoot it if you didn't

"I hope you're happy." I say crossing the porch

And looking into my empty house,

Down the hall and at the unmade bed

Still strewn with all your empty promises.

A solitary tear runs down my face

And I let it fall into the dust

And say your name so quiet not even I could hear it whispered

"Oh, Lord, don't ever let him be happy." I pray.

And reach to close the door, my brown eyes falling

On the flowers on the floor

Black eyed Susans, your favorites

In a big glass fruit jar of unknown origin

Your parting gift, your way of saying goodbye

When you promised me forever.

In two week's time, they'll be dead and dry

But I'll keep them there until they disappear

And in two month's time, unbeknownst to me,

I'll draw that wedding ring up again

In a bucket full of cold water, shining like fool's gold

And clutch it to my heart

As your voice comes pouring through the radio.

©by Voo

December 5, 2005

2:30 a.m.

THE BOY WHO BIT HIS LIP my favorite thing that I've ever written

Tears On My Guitar instrumental

Adds so much to the story....

put it on loop and it'll keep playing

The Boy Who Bit His Lip

He was never big

Not even when he was full grown

He was small in stature

But had the biggest heart you ever saw.

I first met him

When I was nine 

And he was seven

And he had moved in next door.

He wore overalls

And had tousled hair

That fell in his eyes

And kept you from seeing inside.

I went over to help them move in

Cause I was a curious girl

And it was a long, boring summer

And I was tired of sitting round, grumbling.

"Ya'll need some help?" I asked

And the mama and the daddy just looked at me

And the boy and his baby sister smiled shyly

And kicked at the ground.

They didn't say much

But I dug in and helped carry boxes

Out of the back of the truck and into the house

And worked me up quite a sweat.

Later on, we all had root beer

And baloney sandwiches

And I learned their names

And where they had come from.

Me and the boy passed the summer

Fishing down at the creek

And climbing the hills and such

But he didn't open up much.

He had a sense of humor

Not like most people

His was quiet and dry

And found in the oddest places.

I never really felt at ease

At his house and neither did he

After a month or two in residence

We all started hearing shouting coming from next door.

Sometimes I'd be met on the porch

And told to go home

Sometimes his mother would pass the window

And I'd see bruises on her pale face.

School started and that is where

This story really begins

I loved school cause I was smart

But that school became a hell for my new friend.

Jimmy tried to blend in

Not in to the cliques

But in to the walls like a ghost

He tried to be invisible but he stuck out like a sore thumb.

They picked on him cause he was "country"

Cause he wore patched clothes and old shoes

Cause he looked different and talked different

And was different but I was sure glad he was.

Sometimes on the play ground

I'd see the bullies taunting him

And I'd walk over to eavesdrop

And be close by if he needed help.

Terrible things, they said to him

Made up insults that only bad children can say

Circling round him like little vultures

Picking on him like he was dirt.

But Jimmy never said a word

He just looked at the ground

And shuffled his shoes and waited

Till they got tired and walked away.

"Why do you take that mess?"

I asked him one day when I couldn't stand it anymore

"Fools will always be fools." he answered quietly

With more wisdom than most grown folks.

And years passed

And he grew stronger but not much taller

Sometimes he came to school with a black eye

And he trembled when I sat with him on the bus.

Sometimes, I reached over

And held his hand and he tightened his grip

In a grateful way and I let him know

I'd come over and beat me some butt if he needed me to.

His daddy drank, we found out

Had lost the family farm and all they had

Loved to beat up on weaker folks, like women and children

And was just meaner than a junk yard dog.

My daddy wanted to go over sometimes

And beat the hell outta him when we heard the yelling

But my mama was scared and wouldn't let him

But later on, she wished to God she had.

When I was thirteen and he was eleven

We came home from school one day

To see the sheriff's car parked out front

And the coroner's wagon loading up the baby sister.

Oh, God, it was awful

That poor, sweet little towhead

Her daddy had wrung her neck

And her mama was screaming like she would never stop.

The sheriff couldn't find him

Cause he had jumped into his old Chevy

And hightailed it out of the state

Drunk and swerving and running like the coward that he was.

Jimmy tried to console his mama the best he could

But he took it hard in his heart

And down by the creek, I'd put my arms around him

And he'd cry like a baby.

When he graduated with honors

I was so proud of him, sitting beside his frail mother

But she was worried, I could tell

And later on, when the draft board papers came, I understood.

Just before he left for Vietnam

We were lying on a blanket down by the water

Eating hot dogs and drinking cherry wine

And trying to hold on to childhood.

"I'll never love no other girl but you." he said softly

Touching my face and brushing back my hair

"You're the kindest, sweetest person in the whole world."

And I blushed, knowing it wasn't true but glad he thought so.

I was a grown woman and I had a job

But I knew I loved that boy by the time I was eighteen

And he was sixteen

And I knew I always would.

The bullies had grown up

But they still picked on him

Started fights and played dirty tricks

But Jimmy never said a mumbling word.

He was eighteen and a half

When that bus pulled up on the town square

And he set down his old suitcase and kissed his mama

And held me so tightly in his arms that I became part of him.

"You come back to me, you hear?" I whispered in his ear

"Don't you go and get yourself killed or maimed." I warned him

"And don't you go and get yourself married to some body else." he pleaded

"I wouldn't do that." I promised "I love you, Jimmy. I always will."

It was three years before we saw him again

We had written letters back and forth

And kept my mailman so busy he was threatening to retire

"Here's one from your boy!" he'd say and grin a big grin.

I lived for those letters

I lived to touch something that he had touched

And read them over and over trying to feel what he was feeling

And see what he was seeing.

He didn't describe the horrors of war

Instead, he told funny stories about the guys he knew

About how lush and green it was over there

And how he couldn't wait to see my face again.

One evening I came home from work

And my mama and daddy and his mama

Was standing on my front porch talking quietly

And my heart just jumped up into my throat.

"Hurry up and turn on the television!" they cried

And I unlocked the door and threw my purse on the floor,

Turned on the tv and yelled, "What channel? What channel?"

And we all gathered round the set and waited till the tubes lit up.

"This is a special presentation from CBS News." Walter Cronkite intoned

And a fuzzy black and white film came on and there he was, my Jimmy

He was battered and bruised, surrounded by enemy soldiers, yelling at him

Threatening him with guns and knives and smiling with their mean mouths.

He had been captured, Cronkite said

While leading the Viet Cong away from the survivors of his platoon

They had tortured him, almost killed him

But he had said nothing and given them no information.

"That boy always did bite his lip." his mother said, crying

"Even when he was a little bitty thing, he was always brave like that."

And I put my arm around her and held her

As the news story continued and we held on to every word.

The film had been eleven days old then

Sent in to show what happened to soldiers that wouldn't cooperate

Sent in to instill fear and make our enemies look big and strong

But they were just the same old bullies on the school yard.

Just before the bulletin ended and Cronkite faded away

I saw a soldier hit Jimmy across the face, hard

"You tell us! You tell us now!" he screamed in his Asian accent

And Jimmy raised his head and I swear he looked straight into my eyes.

We never saw Jimmy again

Not alive, not dead in a casket, not ever

He was called a hero in the papers, a song was written about him

Medals were sent to his mother and letters from the President.

But my shy sweet boy never came home

He was a POW and an MIA

He never again held my hand or touched my face

And he never grew older like the rest of us.

Three years later, the news came

They had found his no account daddy dead in a car crash

Drunk and skinny, looking like a haint in a graveyard

There was a newspaper in the car with the headline and picture of his boy.

I went with his mom to the funeral

Not cause I had any respects to pay

But because I wanted to make sure it was him in that coffin

And I had to hold myself back from screaming in his face.

Later, at the graveside

Jimmy's mother took herself two big ole handfuls of dirt

And flung 'em just as hard as she could on top of that casket

"That's for my baby girl, " she shouted, "And this is for your son!"

"I don't reckon you'll ever see either one of them again,

Cause there ain't no way the Lord will let you into heaven

And I know neither one of them are there in hell!"

And I held her while the grave diggers waited and I spit on that old man's grave.

Life went on, like it always does

But the sweetness had faded and the sun didn't seem as bright

People came, people went and the war ended

But all I could taste was bittersweet and hopeless grief.

I often think, "I wish I could go back."

Go back to those days when eternity was just a word in a hymn book

Go back and let my daddy beat the stuffin' outta that old drunk

Go back and take that little girl and hide her somewhere so she would be safe.

Go back to that creek

And drink my fill of the sweetness of those shy lips

Hold that body in my arms so tight he couldn't get loose

And go off and be a hero in that old war.

The only time Jimmy never bit his lip

Was when I told him I loved him

He always lit up like a Christmas tree when he heard that

And he always said, "Say it again, girl! Say it again!" and I would. 

©by Voo Shining Stone

Nov 16, 08

5:30 p.m.

Time Bandits Band I love these guys

 

The Beast Calls

 

The Beast by Rhythm X Revival

The Beast Calls

The Beast Calls

The beast calls at midnight
When the moon is full and high
And I hear his mournful wailing
Like his soul's about to die.

I can hear him in my dreams
When I'm lying fast asleep
I can hear him running toward me
Up the mountain tall and steep.

I can hear his ragged breathing
Hear his panting in my ear
Hear him beg me to go with him
Though I pretend not to hear.

I can see his eyes upon me
Devouring me with lustful mouth
I can feel his teeth cut through my skin
Though the door has kept him out.

But he stands outside my window
Sending secrets to my brain
Telling me how much he loves me
And wants to be with me again.

But I cannot let him near me
I know I can't let him inside
For the man that once he had been
Is a wolf, the man has died.

But he begs me oh, so pitifully
That it breaks my loving heart
For I loved him, how I loved him
When our romance had it's start.

But the wolf girls took my lover
Took him in the full moon's glow
Kept him till he gave compliance
And they would not let him go.

So they hit him and they bit him
Changed his nature from a man
And they made him into something
That I could not understand.

But he will not leave me here alone
He will not give me up
He tells me we'll be lovers once again
If I'll just drink of his cup.

And I tell him no time after time
I won't give in to his plea
But I do not know this very night
He has planned to deceive me.

A woman comes then to my door
Knocking softly like a friend
Smiling sweetly she asks if I 
Might be so kind to let her in.

And not thinking this could be a trick
I open up my door to her
And she pulls me out into the night
Into arms that feel like fur.

And they take me to their lair in chains
The wolfen girls that he has sent
Hold me prisoner till he comes for me
Behind iron bars that can't be bent.

I'm so frightened I can barely breathe
I can hardly stand to see
Then I feel his breath upon my face
As he puts his claws on me.

Please don't take my life away from me
My form, my face, and all I know
I beg softly to the man he was
But he shakes his great head, no.

Then I feel his sharp teeth ravage me
And I scream with all my might
I hear him say he's sorry 
For the thing he does tonight.

Then he licks the blood off of my skin
Cradles me within his arms
And I drift away to deep darkness
Sheltered then from further harms.

In the morning I am still myself
As the me I know to be
 I look at my hands and feel my face
Fearing what I might soon see.

The change is slow and deadly certain
And I  can feel the savage blood
Flowing violently through my veins 
Like my sisters said it would.

And they took me from my prison
Then removed the chains from me
Gave me clothes to hide my body
And they let me just go free.

I hid myself from all of nature
Hid myself from lion and loon
I hid from every living creature
But there was no hiding from the moon.

And the midnight came and took me
To the meadow bright as day
And the full moon did it's magic and
Took my human-ness away.

I became a thing I did not know
And I did not want to be
Screaming out my pain to Heaven
Then I saw him watching me.

Coming to me in the moonlight,
I saw the man turn into beast
And he howled out an invitation
To attend his ghastly hallowed feast.

And he took my hand and ran with me
Through the forests dark and green
And I saw with sight I'd never had
Things that I had never seen.

As we ran, my inhibitions fled
And I embraced what I'd become
My body changed, mind rearranged
And the forest began to feel like home.

I could feel the joy within him
I could see love in his eyes
Finding our love had never died
Was to me a great surprise.

I never realized that creatures
Not humankind, could still feel love
Even wolves, slaves to the bidding
Of the full moon up above.

And as time passed, I so adjusted
To the life that I now led
Hiding in my human costume
With pure wolf thoughts in my head.

Longing for the lunar phases
To do their cycles and begin
To see the moon in all her fullness
And to run free once again.

©by Voo
Feb 17, 2019
8:12 a.m.

"AAooooooooooHHHHHH"

Wildfire