Couldn't Have
Perched on the edge of the sea cliff like a
Bird contemplating flight I stood stock still
And let the wind caress my face and blow
Back my hair in long black streams.
Down below and out in the distance
The raging sea beckoned to me
With it's little white hands of salt and foam
It was a gray day full of clouds and fog
A perfect day to leave the world on and in
Does anybody care? I asked out loud
More a plea than a question, more a prayer
Than a plea. Is anybody there? I asked the sky
I waited for an answer that I never expected to come
And felt my heart drop to my stomach and my stomach
Rise up into my chest
Just then a sea gull flew by and I thought I heard it say
Don't do it.
Didn't it? No, couldn't have. Gulls don't talk
I thought of all of the loves I had lost and all
Of the loves that never had been and all of the anguish
I had passed through in ever growing depth and length
Enough was enough.
Just then a ship out on the ocean passed by and I
Thought I heard it's deep bass horn say
Don't do it.
Didn't it? No, couldn't have. Horns don't talk
Nobody will miss me, I thought. Nobody gives a thought
To me. Nobody. Better to do it now and get it over with
Just then a plane flew over my head just below the clouds
And I thought I heard it's engines say
Don't do it
Didn't it? No, couldn't have. Engines don't talk
I'm crazy, I thought, I'm insane
I'm grasping at straws and trying to find reasons
When there aren't any. Why wait? Just do it
Just then a voice behind me in the mist
Startling and sudden, spoke out loud
In a tone I'd never heard before
And I thought I heard it say in foreign tongues
Don't do it.
Didn't it? No, couldn't have. There was no one there
Nobody cares! I screamed to the winds and the winds
Carried the sound of my cries out into the sea
Echoing off the cliffs and joining with the throng
Of strange white birds that suddenly appeared
Out of nowhere, that hovered there below me
And above the craggy rocks with broken peaks
I'm doing this! I shouted, I'm getting this over with
And nobody can stop me! Nobody on earth!
Then positioning my body like a precision
Olympic diver and letting the icy tears spill down
My determined face, I gave one last look around the
Awful world that had forsaken me and said, Goodbye
Then with courage and despair filling me like helium
I stepped off the cliff into weightless air and waiting death
And anticipated peace............
And I jumped.
I don't know how long I fell
My eyes were closed and my senses resolved to feeling
Pain unspeakable for the last time but only for a moment
I just wanted it to be over
I prepared to hit the ground with a velocity that took
My breath and the wind of my falling dried the tears
That still clung to my eyes and twisted my hair
Into long snake like dreadlocks wet with the mist of the ocean
Now! I thought and braced myself in anticipation. Now, it ends!
Just then, two strong but strangely tender arms broke my fall
And caught me before the moment of impact on the rocks
Swept me up into the sky like a space ship at warp speed
And I opened my eyes and saw that I was surrounded
By the throng of strange white birds that were no birds at all
But shining beings with wings and shields and swords
I looked at them in awe, dozens and dozens of them, hovering there
And back to the one who held me in his arms like a broken doll
I looked into his eyes and tried to fathom what I beheld there
But I could not. It might have been love. I don't know, never
Having known it but it felt like love. We told you not to do it
He said without opening his mouth. You are greatly loved whether
You know it or not. Greatly loved.
And then like an eagle he flew
With me and all the others back to the safety of the cliff top
And set me down in a place I had not noticed before
Green with flowers growing and soft breezes touching me
Like whispers. Live! he said and bounded to the sky with his friends
Forming a V formation and flew into the West like a
Silent white cloud and was gone before I blinked
I fell to the ground and lay there for hours and slept.
I must have slept. I must have! It must have been a dream
Towards evening time, I picked myself up and started towards
Home, feeling strangely alive and refreshed and renewed
What have I done? I asked myself in amazement. Am I dead or alive?
I did not know. I had never felt alive before
Just then a cloud of white, white birds flew over me without a sound
And for some strange reason I thought the cloud spoke to me
And rained compassion down on me and kindness
No, couldn't have, I thought, Clouds don't talk
Couldn't have. Couldn't have. Couldn't have.
Then my eyes picked up a speck that fell in my direction, falling fast
I watched as it drew near me quiet as snowflakes, white as snow
It fell into my outstretched hands like a longed for gift
A present to a child on Christmas Day. I caught it in my hands
And clutched it to my heart.
And I have it still......and it still speaks to me........
It speaks of love and life and I no longer want to die....
I cannot prove what I have told. I cannot convince a soul
I barely convinced myself! But there it lies in it's silver case
Under lock and key, more precious to me than gold:
The white feather that talked
And you say, It couldn't have
But it did and it does.
©by Voo Shining Stone
Jan 13, 2005
9:30 p.m.
Across the Bridge Where Angels Dwell
by Van Morrison
