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Wednesday, September 2, 2020

Boy Bandz In 5 Minutes ....Voice Play Wow



The Green Hills...... in Memory of my brother



   going to the farm.....






The Green Hills



The green, green hills of Tennessee
Were tall and full of glory
As they always were and ever will be
To a barefoot child who ran there.

The skies were bright blue,
Filled with clouds of white cotton
Floating along lazily in the azure expanse,
In the wrath of a gold, blazing sun.

It was an involuntary journey,
Going back into the past
That had molded and made me
Who I was, who I am.

I didn’t want to be there, like that
A stranger, a visitor coming home from the world
One that had run from those wild, wandering hills
As fast as my young legs could take me.

I didn’t know what to do, where to look
I didn’t know how to feel, how to act
It was as if I walked in a long dreamless dream
Where everything was familiar but foreign.

There was family there
Some that I barely knew,
People who wanted to know and love me
But really, had no idea how.

It was strange
And beyond strange
In that pastoral setting
Such a postcard of a place that never quite was.

It was where I learned about life
And how not to live it
Where I learned how to die
And how to avoid it.

My hometown,
A scene that seems never to change,
Those hills rising high in the mists of the morning
Like castles in a little girl’s mind.

It was there I created a world
That would never be mine
Lying in meadows, fishing in creeks,
Praying into blue skies with my eyes full of tears.

Looking for answers
To a heart full of questions
Wondering how, why and when that the answers would come
Listening for whispers that I’d never hear.

That beautiful place
Was my prison, my dungeon
Jailed in that Eden by the need to control,
The need to suppress and the need to possess.

I was my father’s daughter
But he was hardly "my Daddy"
Just the despot of paradise
And a cloud blocking the sun.

Now,
He still lives where the hills make a hollow
Crippled and bitter, with a heart slowly dying,
Failing from disuse, still congested with scorn.

We buried my brother beneath that green earth,
Buried someone so gentle
And someone who was good
In the place of a man who could never show love.

There was a peace there
In the arms of the forests
It crept in with the terror
And the fear of the unknown.

It tried to comfort me, tried to hold me
But I couldn’t see it through my tears
Now, maybe I can feel it’s touch
Now that I’m far away.

I laid my brother’s funeral rose
Against my mother’s tombstone
Her sisters sang, (the two that’s left)
Old hymns from yesterday.

It was surreal, like life and death
And sadly bittersweet
Like a photograph you have to take
But you never want to see.

What is it about going home
That makes you feel so old?
Makes you remember your every thought
And relive your every dream?

There were some mysteries solved
But I left with different questions
So many scars were opened up
That I thought had long been healed.

How can ugliness live in a place of such beauty?
Innocence die, in the face of disdain?
I do not understand, Lord, I do not understand!
Shouldn’t there be answers now, shouldn’t there be love?

I feel like such a child again
A new-born child sent back in time
To the place that formed this wounded woman,
Birthed poems of joy and dark despair.

I don’t know how to write of this
Mere words somehow cannot convey
The pictures painted on my mind,
The flood that’s raging through my soul.

Those green, green hills of Tennessee
My hell, my heaven, my childhood home
Faded now with sunset in the rear view mirror
And I’ve never felt so all alone.



©By Voo Shining Stone
August 28, 2011
the occasion of my
brother Mike's death






Mask


Dark Piano

Mask

I wear a mask these days
These long, long days of apple green
And cherry red hues of violent fire
Flowing ever constant through my veins.
No one should see this
This me that lives inside my head
This soulstruck, angry being
Shoveling coal in an imaginary hell.

What is it about me
That terrifies myself as nothing else can
That wakes me in the deepest night
To lie awake working out unsolvable puzzles?

I love..I can love…I do love
I love with a persistence that denies dream
Denies fault, denies substance and begging
And clings to invisible strings dangling in the darkness.
Yet in the morning
I wear a mask and a cloak of hiding
Covering breaks in the mind
And tears in the seams of a ragged heart.
I do this for protection
Not for myself but for the world
That must not be exposed to the hurt
Hanging from my eyes and shadowing my footsteps.
I am a phantom
A ghost living among the living
Not participating in the life
But still remembering it’s taste.
Here and there, now and again
I meet another, like myself
Shrouded in mist and howling in silent pain
And we stand and stare as if in a mirror.
And oft as not, we do not speak
But nod in recognition and bow
To a fellow sufferer of these dark days
And endless, everlasting aching.
Once, I was young and beautiful
Vibrant with life and running over with love
Joyful as dawn and undaunted by the setting of the sun
And the world was my happy playground.
But now the midnight
Wraps me in it’s icy arms
Caresses my face with cold sleepless fingers
And kisses I do not want.
It tells me that here I belong
Here, abandoned by love and deserted by hope
I must dwell now always, hiding my ugliness
Behind this mask of the forsaken.
What a hellish, lonely thing life is!
Outwardly, I have not changed
I am still beautiful there, still young, still very much alive
It’s only on the inside that I am terrifying
It’s only on the inside, that it’s dark
All the time.



by Voo
Sept 22, 07
copyrighted



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