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Cats In This Neigborhood Episode ONE

Every year is the Year of the Cat, baby!!!

My sidekick and roving feline reporter, Roscoe Ratcatcher

REPORTING ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT.................OR NOT...........

😽😾😿🙀😸😹😺

THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD......

DO THE 

ORDINARY THINGS CATS DO.......

                         

                                                    They go to the tanning salon................

                                                    They teach the ways of the Einstein..............

                        They play video games on those damn computers 24/7 

                           instead of reading newsworthy articles like this one!!!!

Some of them are great hunters and chefs at local restaurants😉

Some are friendly receptionists......on occasion..

However.........................

                                                                         

                                                    We're almost sure 

                                that there is a cold blooded killer among them....

                                                                              😱😦

                                   Especially since Sensei Wang Dang Doo went missing


                                            😮


                            The kids are alright as kids go.....🤪

                                                 At least till bath time...........



                     If they get out of line, they go before Judge Pawker, the hanging judge

🚀🚀

                                          One little fellow is training to be an astronaut..............

                                           🚀

                                                            "Old Willie" 

                     likes to hang out on dating sites and insult humans...............

                                                      Then there's Bruce............

                                       the paranormal expert who loves to pop up 

                                        when you least expect it.............

                                      💀 👀

                                  We never paid the local Meow Militia much mind until

                             this poster started showing up on neighborhood telephone poles 

                                                 and on the internets.................

                                Several of us started arming ourselves 

                                                  🐶  with bulldogs and laser light pointers....

                                             

                                         Oh, some of them are quite talented.

                           For instance, Snowball plays The Grinch every Christmas at the

                                         FELINE THESPIAN FUNHOUSE THEATRE.................

                                                        Here' s Mickey Meat Loaf, 

                               who usually wins all the local bike-a-thons..

and Garfield look-a-like contests.....

when he's not in prison

                                      Brothers  Huey, Duey, Looey, and Clyde 

                                do double duty as window washers and peeping toms......

   
                                                                 

                                        Yesterday Donald was caught by his brother's cell phone 

                                                                     sticking his tongue out at his mom.

                                                     (he is now grounded for six of his nine lives)

One of my personal favorites is the preacher cat, 

The Right Reverand Moochie Mewhard, 

who goes about casting the devil out of his fellow felines ......

whether they need it or not...................

This guy is a Rock Star wannabe who practices 

falling backwards into mosh pits at any given opportunity. 

He can't sing or play guitar, he just.....falls

Here we have Manny Moo at the kitchen table today

after the Vet told his Mom to put him on a diet.

 Needless to say, Manny did not appreciate the carrot and

 Buttermilk Smoothie.....

Well, I think this hidden Cat Cam 

clears up the mystery of a killer loose in the neighborhood.

I wondered why I hadn't got a paper the last three days....................

Spockles has really been enjoying all the new Star Wars series, he says 

but is fighting for a part in the next Star Trek franchise.......coming soon 

But he said he's tired of all this Non-Human exclusion 

in Hollywood at the Oscars. Calls it Catism Racism.

He can walk a red carpet just as well as 

Lady GooGoo Ga Ga .......  Whatever

Local meowers, The JellyBellies performed the 

only song they know for the big charity event CATSRUS last night....

The song?  STUCK ON YOU by Lionel Richie. They sung it 47 times

before being booed off the stage.

In other news..........bad brothers Bobby and BoDiddly have been up

to their old tricks, stealing toilet paper  and paper towels out of any open bathroom 

windows they can find. Traces of it literally litter the whole neighborhood.

It's a crime and a shame how some cats turn out. But....that's what catnip will do to you.

Local businessman....er...cat, Bojangles Popeye Church, explains his new fried chicken

 proposal to potential investors at KFC HQ.  (Kittens Felines and Cats) 

It was later said that he did quite an impressive

PowerPoint presentation even though nobody knew how it ended because he threw up

a hair ball on the keyboard and it kind of went down hill from there.

Also, as a lesson to all the high schoolers..........

this picture was circulated amongst them 

Friday to remind them not to be like Jolly.

 (Jolly won't eat anything if it's not in capsule form)

Don't Be like Jolly.

As most of you know, General Bonkers 

went live on the Cat News Network tonight to try to calm the masses

after a huge UFO was seen hovering over Mrs. Bailey's back yard. It took out all of her bird feeders and seven squirrels. Please contact  General Bonkers at the Feline Flying Force Base 

(the shed behind the garage on Baker Street) if you have any information. We suspect Claude Jay, the kid who likes to build model airplanes and stuff but have no concrete proof.....

General Bonkers is offering a $25.00 reward and all the rats you can eat......

which probably will preclude any humans turning him in.............

AND TO ALL OUR HUMAN READERS.......

In closing this week.....just a friendly reminder this winter or next

Remember your feline friends...

because they never forget a slight...........

😾

We will return soon with more

 Cats In This Neighborhood News..............

until next time.....Farewell and Meow from your Oh, so Human Reporter.....
Voo Ima Standingby and the ever cool Roscoe "Sup" Ratcatcher

psstttt!!!!!!!!!

Francis, the Angry Feline

will be back with his popular editorials

in two weeks. He has been in intense pychotherapy

as of late trying to get over his life long anger

at the world in general and at me and Roscoe in particular.

I think it's because we discovered that he was named after 

Frank Sinatra by a crazy cat lady who'd had a crush on 

Ole Blue Eyes from childhood.

(He hates the name Francis)

but don't call him Frankie either.

(he hates everything)

🙀🙀🙀

From the MOBK.org  (Mothers Of Bad Kitties)

(pd adverisement)

Attention you thugs and alley cats.....and

especially you, A. Catinova Wisenheimer!!!!

PLEASE STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!!!!!

                                         (Man! I've got to find myself a new audience!)

Hallmark Moments That Never Were

 

Hallmark Moments

that never were

I had a Hallmark moment once

With my dad....................

The trouble is, I don't remember it

And looking at this photo here

We both looked scared too death

Of one another.........so.....

What is it

I am supposed to remember

And would I want to remember

Anything if I could?

And I wonder what it was

That he remembered about me
In the long icy years 
Before he passed from this life?

I remember my Pa, my daddy's daddy

And how much fun we had together

And how he laughed at all my antics

As we went fishing or riding

Or  just to the store
Where he'd buy me Grapettes and candy 

And I'd always want more.

I remember horses and cattle barns and sawdust at auctions

And how excited they'd be cause they thought it was slick

When I'd run down and do my "horse whisperer" trick

Coming home with a truck full and most of them, free

Cause they couldn't be tamed by nobody but me.

I remember playing cowboys and indians

And robbers and cops

Setting the sawmill on fire with my little friend, Eddie

 And how bad we felt

When the whole thing went up.

I remember I loved all the animals

And they all loved me

But I really loved horses

And I hadn't a care

I would sneak out and sleep in the stables beside them

And Mama would scream when she found me there.

I remember Mama's song writing

And singing and ironing

Her fried chicken and biscuits

And Ma's apple cakes 

The country way Ma talked

Calling asparagus "Sparegrass"

And it was embarrassing to us kids

But boy, she could bake!

I remember the creek and the bridge

And the swimming hole in summer

Sitting on the stock-gap and up in the trees
Playing circus and clowns
With my brothers and sisters

Writing poetry for hours

'Bout the birds and the bees.

I remember sharing Ma's secrets

And going through her treasures 

Stealing chocolate covered cherries
That she thought I couldn't see

And how she would rail then

But she knew it was me.

I remember pet cats and dogs 

And squirrels and horses

Rabbits and pigs

And geese and goats

Cows and chickens

That Pa sold me for pennies

Like peacocks and turtles

But I hated the guineas.

I remember Mama dressing up

In outrageous costumes

Coming round to the door

And fooling our dad

Who thought she was a stranger

And how we all laughed

But he never saw funny, he always got mad.

I remember  gallons of ice cream and Ma's baby brother

Visiting the kinfolk that lived far off a ways

Working hard in the summer and sneaking off on Ole Dan

Riding up in the hills and staying all day.

I remember a lot of things

And some of them good

But most times were bad

Just because of my Dad

And to make a bad rhyme here:

That is so sad.

I wish I could remember him loving me 
Like a daddy should love

His own little girl

And him making me giggle

And buying me toys

But all I remember is his sad, angry world.

And in light of that memory

I've tried to make all my life

One big Hallmark moment

In the joy and the strife.........

And sometimes, I failed

And sometimes I succeeded 

But there have been many and I'm proud of that.

©By Voo 

June 17, 2017

10:47 p.m.

dedicated to Fathers everywhere

Please make happy times

For your kids to remember

For after all,

what else is left of you when you go
but the memories?

                                                         Remember by Sarah Mc Lachlan

Giving Away  Laughter by John Trudell