Cats In This Neigborhood Episode ONE

Every year is the Year of the Cat, baby!!!

My sidekick and roving feline reporter, Roscoe Ratcatcher

REPORTING ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT.................OR NOT...........

😽😾😿🙀😸😹😺

THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD......

DO THE 

ORDINARY THINGS CATS DO.......

                         

                                                    They go to the tanning salon................

                                                    They teach the ways of the Einstein..............

                        They play video games on those damn computers 24/7 

                           instead of reading newsworthy articles like this one!!!!

Some of them are great hunters and chefs at local restaurants😉

Some are friendly receptionists......on occasion..

However.........................

                                                                         

                                                    We're almost sure 

                                that there is a cold blooded killer among them....

                                                                              😱😦

                                   Especially since Sensei Wang Dang Doo went missing


                                            😮


                            The kids are alright as kids go.....🤪

                                                 At least till bath time...........



                     If they get out of line, they go before Judge Pawker, the hanging judge

🚀🚀

                                          One little fellow is training to be an astronaut..............

                                           🚀

                                                            "Old Willie" 

                     likes to hang out on dating sites and insult humans...............

                                                      Then there's Bruce............

                                       the paranormal expert who loves to pop up 

                                        when you least expect it.............

                                      💀 👀

                                  We never paid the local Meow Militia much mind until

                             this poster started showing up on neighborhood telephone poles 

                                                 and on the internets.................

                                Several of us started arming ourselves 

                                                  🐶  with bulldogs and laser light pointers....

                                             

                                         Oh, some of them are quite talented.

                           For instance, Snowball plays The Grinch every Christmas at the

                                         FELINE THESPIAN FUNHOUSE THEATRE.................

                                                        Here' s Mickey Meat Loaf, 

                               who usually wins all the local bike-a-thons..

and Garfield look-a-like contests.....

when he's not in prison

                                      Brothers  Huey, Duey, Looey, and Clyde 

                                do double duty as window washers and peeping toms......

   
                                                                 

                                        Yesterday Donald was caught by his brother's cell phone 

                                                                     sticking his tongue out at his mom.

                                                     (he is now grounded for six of his nine lives)

One of my personal favorites is the preacher cat, 

The Right Reverand Moochie Mewhard, 

who goes about casting the devil out of his fellow felines ......

whether they need it or not...................

This guy is a Rock Star wannabe who practices 

falling backwards into mosh pits at any given opportunity. 

He can't sing or play guitar, he just.....falls

Here we have Manny Moo at the kitchen table today

after the Vet told his Mom to put him on a diet.

 Needless to say, Manny did not appreciate the carrot and

 Buttermilk Smoothie.....

Well, I think this hidden Cat Cam 

clears up the mystery of a killer loose in the neighborhood.

I wondered why I hadn't got a paper the last three days....................

Spockles has really been enjoying all the new Star Wars series, he says 

but is fighting for a part in the next Star Trek franchise.......coming soon 

But he said he's tired of all this Non-Human exclusion 

in Hollywood at the Oscars. Calls it Catism Racism.

He can walk a red carpet just as well as 

Lady GooGoo Ga Ga .......  Whatever

Local meowers, The JellyBellies performed the 

only song they know for the big charity event CATSRUS last night....

The song?  STUCK ON YOU by Lionel Richie. They sung it 47 times

before being booed off the stage.

In other news..........bad brothers Bobby and BoDiddly have been up

to their old tricks, stealing toilet paper  and paper towels out of any open bathroom 

windows they can find. Traces of it literally litter the whole neighborhood.

It's a crime and a shame how some cats turn out. But....that's what catnip will do to you.

Local businessman....er...cat, Bojangles Popeye Church, explains his new fried chicken

 proposal to potential investors at KFC HQ.  (Kittens Felines and Cats) 

It was later said that he did quite an impressive

PowerPoint presentation even though nobody knew how it ended because he threw up

a hair ball on the keyboard and it kind of went down hill from there.

Also, as a lesson to all the high schoolers..........

this picture was circulated amongst them 

Friday to remind them not to be like Jolly.

 (Jolly won't eat anything if it's not in capsule form)

Don't Be like Jolly.

As most of you know, General Bonkers 

went live on the Cat News Network tonight to try to calm the masses

after a huge UFO was seen hovering over Mrs. Bailey's back yard. It took out all of her bird feeders and seven squirrels. Please contact  General Bonkers at the Feline Flying Force Base 

(the shed behind the garage on Baker Street) if you have any information. We suspect Claude Jay, the kid who likes to build model airplanes and stuff but have no concrete proof.....

General Bonkers is offering a $25.00 reward and all the rats you can eat......

which probably will preclude any humans turning him in.............

AND TO ALL OUR HUMAN READERS.......

In closing this week.....just a friendly reminder this winter or next

Remember your feline friends...

because they never forget a slight...........

😾

We will return soon with more

 Cats In This Neighborhood News..............

until next time.....Farewell and Meow from your Oh, so Human Reporter.....
Voo Ima Standingby and the ever cool Roscoe "Sup" Ratcatcher

psstttt!!!!!!!!!

Francis, the Angry Feline

will be back with his popular editorials

in two weeks. He has been in intense pychotherapy

as of late trying to get over his life long anger

at the world in general and at me and Roscoe in particular.

I think it's because we discovered that he was named after 

Frank Sinatra by a crazy cat lady who'd had a crush on 

Ole Blue Eyes from childhood.

(He hates the name Francis)

but don't call him Frankie either.

(he hates everything)

🙀🙀🙀

From the MOBK.org  (Mothers Of Bad Kitties)

(pd adverisement)

Attention you thugs and alley cats.....and

especially you, A. Catinova Wisenheimer!!!!

PLEASE STOP THE VIOLENCE!!!!!!!

                                         (Man! I've got to find myself a new audience!)