My mind is not tethered to my brain
It has an agenda of it's own
Frequently going off into the ethereal
Settling for the ephemeral
While hungering for the eternal.
I do not know myself, I think
Like God knows me
I am a stranger in my own eyes
And in the eyes of passersby
There is a heart cry
That few hear and no one heeds
It has been screaming out it's voice
Since the moment of my birth
And will continue on
Long after my death.
I don't even feel like God hears it
And if He does, He ignores it
And puts in on a list to be dealt with later
After galaxies, geothermals, sinners and saints
Have long been checked off.
Did you ever have the thought
That love is only given to those
Who have more love than they need
And never doled out
To those that need it more than breath?
Because I am one of those
The loveless, the lonely, the forgotten
Adrift on a friendless sea
Surrounded by sharks
And burned by a merciless sun.
Nobody knows me
They lie to themselves
And think they do
But they don't
And they never will.
Because I am un-tethered
To the here and now
And tethered only to the immortal lands
Where legends live and angels sing
And every one knows one another by the Spirit.
How I wish I could go there to stay
Walk those golden shores
And feel the love that never ebbs,
Never dies and is never pulled out
From under the feet like a door mat.
I went there, once
One bright shining moment
That lives now in my memory
Like a lifeboat on a sinking ship.
It cradles me there
When life smashes me
With it's hopelessness and horror
And I can't stand to be here any more.
That memory is my gift, my hope, my faith
That there is more than this life, this world
Into which I have been born but do not live in
Only enduring to exist on while daily expiring.
My heart is a vast, uncharted chasm
Echoing back my own voice
As I wail out my longing
To a un-hearing planet.
I know that I am not the only one
There are millions of us
Billions, maybe, walking alone
On shores that leave no footprints.
One day when we have given up
And dropped our hold on survival
Eternity will reach down it's hand
And lift us to the celestial.
Lift us up to love
That we have never known
Lift us up to joy
That we have never tasted.
Lift us up to feast and banquet
To dine on the food that we are starving for
And the wine that our souls crave
Like a drunkard who has never had a drink.
I am un-tethered here
Like a balloon without a string
Bobbing here and there through perilous skies
Dodging crow and tree and bow and arrow.
But in my heart of hearts, I know
That when I have been shot down and shattered
The essence that is me, my spirit
Will straight way go to that other land
Where I am known.
The place I am tethered to, eternally
The place that can only be found in vision
The place that existed before terra firma was ever formed
The place that will feel like home.
Till then, I walk in shadow
And the sun does not shine on me
Because it does not see me
Nor does the moon know me
Nor do the passersby love me
Because I am only a vapor here
And to this place, I do not belong.
April 13, 2017