SAFE ANYMORE.....a love story

Falling To Pieces

Safe Anymore

I heard someone say recently,

An actress actually, that I've always liked

Without really knowing why

But someone asked her to tell them what love is

And I held my breath

And was amazed at her answer

As tears sprang to my eyes and rolled down my cheeks.

(I've cried more in the last two months than I have in years)

But my tear reservoir seems to be inexhaustible

 And is filled to overflowing

And it doesn't take much now to break that dam in me

But what she said, after some thought, was this:

"I think love is feeling safe with someone."

And I realized that her observation 

Was so very true and so very simple

 That no one could argue or misunderstand.

And I realized that "feeling safe"

Was what made me love you and what made me feel loved

For that's what I felt until just yesterday

I felt safe, understood, cared for... and loved

In ways I've never felt before with anyone else.

Understood for the first time

 In my whole life,

Appreciated  for all the nuances

 And layers of me

The core and the complexities  

And the compartments of me.

Until you pulled the rug out from under my heart

And in the falling, my eyes flew open

And I saw that I didn't really know who you were

And that most evidently........

You didn't know me

Or understand or appreciate who I truly am

So how could you love me?

It was a revelation almost beyond the bearing,

Heartbreaking, torturous...getting slapped in the face

Murdered after being made to feel so alive

Alive in your eyes, your kiss, and your arms

In every word spoken and every line written

And I could not and do not feel alive anymore.

How can I?

Nothing is real or realistic
 Nothing clearcut or hardset or firm

Nothing is etched in stone like I thought

Nothing is tangible or without doubt, confirmed

The beauty of the bloom has faded,

The melody of our song, gone quite off key

The prose has become just long strings of words

Images once real, ghostly things I can't see.

I wonder if someday I'll forget how it was

How I felt taken for granted and alone one sad night

And to my amazement, you sent me a song

That told me you loved me and would never do that

(And I cried for hours at that gesture so sweet)

'Cause it was so beautiful, like an answer to prayer

And I felt how in tune and connected we were. 

And how just out of nowhere

In some wondrous way

When I expected it least and needed it most....

There you were on the other side of the world

Across the mountains, and the deep sea of blue

Sending a message.....with the words....... 

I see you.

You will never know how happy that made me

How cherished I felt, how safely secure

You'll never know

Because now, what can I say?

You took the joy and the sunshine away

You were my friend and my love to adore

But I no longer feel loved or safe anymore.

©By Voo Shining Stone

June 16, 2020
 6:46 p.m.

Forgive Me