The Man Who Was Afraid of Love

The Man

 Who Was Afraid Of Love

I loved a man who was afraid of love

Afraid to let me see inside his heart

Afraid to let me know his inner soul,

Who ended love's attempts before it's start.

I laid my treasures bare before this man

My body, heart and soul, I let him see

I made a secret world where he'd feel safe

But he would never show his soul to me.

He said he could express himself in poetry

But his poetry never gave me much insight

Just question after question after question

And never one true answer came to light.

I tried to see the little boy inside him

I tried to find the hidden man within

I tried to plumb the depths there in his darkness

But in those murky depths I couldn't swim.

I made him laugh, at least I tried

I tried my very best

All my life, I've been known as a funny girl

But he couldn't see my funny side, I guess.

I don't know what more I could have done

For I did try just almost every thing

Gifts and poems and songs and smiles I gave him

Trying to raise a smile and make him sing.

But he would never let me in

Though his heart pleaded for love

And I sought help to help me help

From man and God above.

No answer would he give my questions

No matter how innocent

Vague or banal, no answer at all

I wasted the breath I spent.

Years I knew this mysterious man!

Knew his walk, the way he kissed

The shape of his head, when he went to bed

But I really don't think he exists.

He's a fantasy I made up

From the fantasies he fed me

He couldn't feel and they were not real

(At least in the ways he led me.)

He never asked me what I thought

Just bland generalities

Ignored my interest in his friends and life

And his ghostly family.

While I rambled on and on about mine

Told him stories of my youth

My past, my present, my future dreams

But from him,  got little truth.

No single promise did he fulfill

However trivial or deep

He gave me hopes and expectations

But of those, he did not keep.

From daylight to darkness in the blink of an eye

His sweetness would turn into rage

Offended at this, offended at that

And ignoring my love on the page.

I never knew what would set him off

I never knew the right words to say

I walked on eggshells at the end of it all

While his darkness took my sunshine away.

"That man's afraid to love." they told me

"From a distance is the best he can do."

"He can love you in a poem or song,"

But he can Not love you."

And I tried so hard to understand

(For I'm afraid of love myself)

But not so afraid that I won't take a chance

And stop living a life, bereft.

God knows my heart, He knows my soul

He knows the love in me

He put that love in me, Himself

For all the world to see.

But the man I loved could not see love

Nor receive what he longed for

So self destructive, self sabotaging,

In love's face, slammed every door.

I see it all so clearly now

The masks and the charade

Making me think his love was real

In every game he played.

And when the game, could not maintain,

Cruel accusations flew

Blaming me for everything

Knowing none of them were true.

My heart's a walled up city now

To break in, no man would dare

I loved that man so afraid of love

But I no longer care.

©by Voo Shining Stone