Funny Sayings

Funny Sayings to make you smile 

Some funny things that I hope will bring you a smile
 and make for a happier day! :) 

🤡

Light travels faster than sound.........
 This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak. 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered
 assassinated instead of just murdered? 

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? 

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"…
 but it's only a "penny for your thoughts?" Where's that extra penny going to?

What disease did cured ham actually have? 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out 
it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby"
 when babies wake up like every two hours? 

Why do people pay to go up on tall buildings and then put money
 in binoculars to look at things on the ground? 

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? 

If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME stuff,
 why didn't he just buy dinner? 

If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons? 

Is Disney World the only People trap operated by a mouse? 

If pro is the opposite of con, what's the opposite of progress? 

Ninety-nine percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name. 

Borrow money from a pessimist — they don't expect it back. 

Time is what keeps things from happening all at once. 

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. 

I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

Never answer an anonymous letter. 

It's lonely at the top; but you do eat better. 

I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. 

Always go to other people's funerals, or they won't go to yours. 

Few women admit their age; few men act it. 

If we aren't supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat? 

No one is listening until you make a mistake. 

Give me ambiguity or give me something else. 

We have enough youth. How about a fountain of "Smart"? 

He who laughs last thinks slowest. 

Campers: Nature's way of feeding mosquitoes. 

Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else. 

Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. 

There are three kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can't. 

Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? 

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it. 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine. 

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory. 

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools. 

Laugh alone and the world thinks you're an idiot. 

The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it. 

You can't have everything; where would you put it? 

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check? 

We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse. 

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. 

DNA: National Dyslexic Association. 

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried. 

I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges. 

Eat right. Stay fit. Die anyway. 

Nothing is fool proof to a sufficiently talented fool. 

On the other hand, you have different fingers. 

Dyslexics of the world, untie! 

I don't find it hard to meet expenses. They're everywhere. 

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back. 

Don't steal. The government hates competition. 

Humpty Dumpty was pushed. 

National Atheist's Day April 1st.

All generalizations are false. 

The more people I meet, the more I like my dog. 

Work is for people who don't know how to fish. 

If you don't like the news, go out and make some. 

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you have got. 

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure. 

I can handle pain until it hurts. 

No matter where you go, you're there. 

If everything is coming your way, then you're in the wrong lane.  

Gravity always gets me down. 

This statement is false. 

Eschew obfuscation. 

They told me I was gullible…and I believed them. 

It's bad luck to be superstitious. 

According to my best recollection, I don't remember. 

The word "gullible" isn't in the dictionary. Go ahead, look it up. 

Honk if you like peace and quiet. 

The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened. 

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. 

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular? 

Save the whales. Collect the whole set. 

A day without sunshine is like, night. 

The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 

Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines! 

Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! 

Life is too complicated in the morning. 

We are all part of the ultimate statistic—ten out of ten die. 

Nobody's perfect. I've been told I'm a Nobody. 

Ask me about my vow of silence. 

The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread. 

The last thing on earth you want to do will be the last thing you do. 

Diplomacy is the art of letting someone else get your way. 

If ignorance is bliss, then tourists are in a constant state of euphoria. 

If at first you don't succeed, don't try skydiving. 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends? 

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them! 

I intend to live forever. So far so good. 

What happens if you get scared half to death twice? 

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out. 

Energizer Bunny arrested; charged with battery. 

I didn't use to finish sentences, but now I......... 

I've had amnesia as long as I can remember. 

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks. 

Vacation begins when Dad says, "I know a short cut." 

What's another word for Thesaurus? 

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time. 

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

 VOO

Deeds, Not Words

 

Unchained Melody

 

DON'T LET THEM TAKE YOU TO ROOM 101

   
                               

                 music by NatureWorld 1986.......                          

 

                         start music on loop now for full effect

Don't
     Let Them Take You 
                               To Room 101




Down the corridor, in the dark, there's a room
Where the end of your dreams comes to pass
Where the night swallows day and all hope fades away
And you kneel on the shards of black glass.

Where they take you when you don't obey
When you stand up for reason and right
Where the tormentors meet you to play
And you have no more strength for the fight.

In a house without freedom on a cruel city street
With no knowledge of good or of bad
Where the men march like puppets to a song they can't sing
In a world, like a nightmare, gone mad.

We've seen them take the dissidents there
Heard them scream for long hour after hour
We've cleaned up the blood of the penitents
Who gave in to the power of Power.

Up high on the hill, there's a tower
That listens to every breath that you breathe
Records all your thoughts and reports them
And then runs them through a memory sieve.

They cannot have rebellion here
They cannot take the chance
Before joy takes hold and you've grown old
They take your song and dance.

And all the armies of innocent men
To war and death, they run
They tell us we must kill and die
Till all the world is One.

But if you dare and if you care
They knock you to your knees
You must conform or you will harm
The other worker bees.

So they take you to the house of pain
And all your memories skewer
Regard them with their cold dead eyes
And replace all that was pure.

Our brother was one, such as this
With dreams and schemes and plans
He was a rebel, wayward, bold
Who disdained their demands.

They took him in the dead of night
They put him in a cage
With hungry rats to claw his eyes
He howled away his rage.

So he's a conformed comrade now
His orders take, with pride
His body marches with the rest
But there's no one inside.

They took his soul in room 101
And ground it in to dust
So we all do our best to exist
Like the leaders say we must.

There is no place for private thought
Or feelings that upset
We must rewire our feeble brains
Or they'll make us regret.

And all our lives, we work and die
For the leaders that we trust
And give our all to that great Call
Until they're through with us.

Still, in the night, when it is quiet
We whisper in the gloom
Ask questions till someone shushes us
With a reminder of "the Room."

Down the corridor, in the dark, in the house
Where the tormentors laugh at our fear
They know we will do whatsoever they say
For there are no men living here.

We are just numbers, we have no names
We have no dreams left to dream
They've erased all our minds, made us willing and blind
But they can't make us forget how to scream.

   

©by Voo

April 26, 09

1:29 a.m. 

https://leohohmann.com/2022/02/23/everything-you-see-going-on-in-the-world-right-now-is-pushing-toward-implementation-of-global-digital-id-and-global-digital-money-system-the-fourth-reich-is-rising/

from todays headlines

*pics from the film 1984

Watching The Worker Bees

Watching The Worker Bees

Those eyes, those eyes

Those ever present eyes

See them? No, not really?

But they see you.

We have our blinders on now

Handed out at red carpet affairs

By handlers who handle Hollywood

And all it's luminous stars.

Look! A new HD show starts!

Isn't it fascinating?

See how they laugh in our faces

While hiding the plan in plain sight?

Years ago when innocence still lived

(At least in me, but no, not now)

I thought kings were good and ruled in wise judgement

And queens and princesses, benign and so fair.

But they have taken off their masks now

And their iniquities are revealed

So arrogant are they, they, with their blue bloodlines

And reptilian eyes.

Look! No, don't look!

(It was a camera zooming in)

Don't let them see you see

Or the men in black suits will be calling.

When I was a kid

A big brother was a marvellous thing

Someone to be adored and followed

Not something to be feared.

I don't like this world anymore

It is not my world, nor is it yours

Despite the fact that you still live here

And you still believe what they tell you.

I would shake you by your shoulders, friend

But would that wake you?

No, I thought not

I'm just a lunatic, full of paranoid conspiracy theories.

You know the old joke?

Just because you're paranoid

Doesn't mean they're not out  to get you

Oh, look! Here they come now! Ha Ha.

I had a dream last night

I dreamed that a knight on a white horse

Came to rescue me and I was so happy!

But when he found me, he cut off my head.

We can't even escape in our sleep now

Their influence is everywhere, everywhere

See, my body is shutting down and there's no cure

So I have to take medicine to sleep and wake up.

Look! Is that a black heliocopter?

Is he taking our picture, that guy, with the goggles?

Well, get used to it. It happens all the time now

Yesterday I found myself on Google holding a Bible.

My grandmother told me to

"Come out from among them heathens!"

When I was a child and didn't know daylight from dark

But now I do, but I don't know where to go.

Perhaps you'd better not hang out with me anymore

It could get you in trouble

See, I know too much. (Not nearly enough)

But enough that they want me silenced.

Did you hear that?

There's someone on this line!

Hello? Hello! Are you taping me?

Haven't you got enough evidence yet?

You know what?

I don't care anymore

Like Mulder said:  The Truth is Out there!

And it's in here, down here in my heart.

I just want to tell everybody that truth

I just want everybody to Wake Up

And see what's happening before our faces!

To know the Truth so the Truth can set you free!

Friend, you really have been a friend to me

And I appreciate you listening and feigning interest

Sometimes I think I'll go crazy knowing what I know

But you've been there and I appreciate it so much.

Who are you talking to? Is someone there?

Oh. I thought I heard another voice on your line

Well, I guess....oh, hold on a minute, there's someone at the door

*Door crashes in* *Phone is dropped* "Down on the floor, traitor!"

My God, this cell is so tiny

I can't breathe, I can't see the chemtrail laced sky

I hear sounds outside that I don't want to think about

Was that a scream? Was that something falling?

Oh, look! A little light pierces the darkness

Who's there? Can you help me? Who are you?

And a camera flash destroys my vision and I sink to the floor

And eyes of every shape and size blink on and watch me while I cry.

©by Voo

October 20, 08

5:49 p.m.