EMBRACE An Apocalyptic Love Story that I dreamed in its entirety

Embrace

An Apocalyptic Love Story

(subtitled Alien Love)

a song heard on a radio in the dream

I dreamed on the morning of May 7, 2011)

I hope this write can do the dream justice

Here then, is the dream in prose form.....

                               Part One

I lay on the floor of a fall out shelter

In an unknown, un-named city

It was dimly lit and noisy, full of people all in turmoil,

Babies crying, palpable fear, 

Uncertainty and terror.

I lay on a mat of old clothes and rags,

Covering myself with a blanket

With my head cradled upon a soft white pillow

That seemed too fresh for that place

(Perhaps I had brought it from home.)

The sirens had sounded in the midnight hour

And all of us had rushed from our apartments

Either all fully clothed or partially dressed

As for me, a gown and a robe and a coat

And still I felt quite naked.

I was lying with my back turned to a man just my age

I did not know him

And had only glanced at him once

As I tried to make myself comfortable

In a situation that would never be that.

He lay asleep on a grayish pillow,

His hands folded under his face,

Long dark hair falling around his broad shoulders

Concealing part of a quite handsome face.

One look, albeit, a long look

And I scooted as far away as I could

Giving both of us our privacy here

Which meant nothing there

But even in chaos, still meant much to me.

As the lights were turned off, one by one

I heard stern men urging us to be quiet and to sleep

I heard an old man praying off in the corner

As he clutched an old book to his blue shirted chest

And asked God to protect us and let us see tomorrow.

I could not sleep, how could I, in that awful place?

I was used to my feather bed and my quiet apartment

To staying indoors and living alone 

As were we all, in these martial law days

And endless, ever lasting scenarios of war.

How long we had survived in that setting, 

I can't say

I only knew that it had been life as usual

For a very long time, and very few of us

Remembered any other way of life.

We were assigned numbers for names,

Told our jobs descriptions, 

And forced to do them behind the closed doors

Of small but efficent four room living quarters

Equipped with computers and cameras with zooms.

Life was very lonely

There were hardly any families around,

Few couples, no friends, and certainly no lovers

And all that we knew or were allowed to know

Was that if you do not work, you do not eat.

And then the raids had begun,

The takeovers, the bombings, the annilhilations

The armies marching throughout the earth

With covered faces and evil eyes

And with death in their competent hands.

The 3D- HD-LED curved screens 

Had projected these scenes at us on a now daily basis

Until we had all but blanked them out of our minds

Though some of us still fell to the floor when they came

And scurried away into dark corners in fright.

And now, the virtual had become reality 

Now it had come to my part of the world

No longer a movie to switch off in my brain

But an occurance to endure and a delaying of work

Until the sirens went off and my life could resume.

And so tonight I found myself, in this shelter under ground

With people I had never met and didn't want to know

Men and women, running there with families and babies

Outcasts, hidden from the law

Till the bombs drove them inside.

The night was long and stifling there

I tossed and turned, not sleeping

I couldn't breathe among other folk

And their breathing was so loud

Removing my coat, I stretched my legs and at last began to doze.

In the near cool darkness, after a time I cannot tell,

I became aware of a presence behind my back

It breathed quietly on my hair,

Touched me with a warmth of body heat I had never felt

And stirred me in a way I should not say.

I wanted to move away but I did not

In that drowsy state, I thought it to be a dream

But I knew it wasn't

For I'd had dreams I'd known were dreams

But this one was so real.

In his sleep, the man had moved

And lay very close beside me 

And I couldn't fault him for I'd also moved,

Kicked my coat off of my legs

Toward the old woman on my right.

I pulled the blanket up to my throat and snuggled ever deeper

Enjoying the feeling of another's form

Against my untouched back

With nothing between us but a gown and a robe

And the thrill of the unknown.

A breath. A sigh. A ragged whisper

Breathed into my ear

"Are you awake?" a soft voice asked

And I lay still and stunned

"No." I whispered into the dark and then forgot to breathe.

"Are you afraid?" he murmured low

And I felt his fear reach out

"I guess." I said, "But what can we do

But wait till it's all over?"

"And what if it's really over, what will we do then?"

I didn't know how to answer that

So I lay quiet and trembling

Waiting for his voice to come and stir me once again

But it did not come again and I lay there with wanting

Something strange and terrifying that poured out of my soul.

If time stands still, it stood still then

As I waited in his silence

He didn't speak and so I said, 

"Then our lives have had no meaning."

"If it's really over, I mean, and our lives come to an end." 

And after a while, I felt him inch

His body closer to me

His chest against my back, his legs against my own

He threw my blanket over us both

And I thought my heart would stop.

For hours we lay there in that place

With a secret, seething fever

Electric charges running down and up and over us

His warm breath over my shoulder, soft,

And a pounding in his chest.

We touched, and yet, we did not touch

Except with our desire

Inching closer, ever closer, his body and then mine

Until the tears ran down my face

As we burned there in that fire.

"I need to hold you." he said at last, "I need to feel alive."

"I know." I whispered, "I know. I know."

"But I don't know how to hold you."

And he pulled me hard against him then

And his arm went round my waist.

Outside, we heard the bombs of war

Beyond the war, inside

 "It's alright, be quiet." we heard someone say

As the babies awoke with the noises

"Go back to sleep, no need to fear, you'll all be safe in here." 

But they would not quiet down

And they would not stop crying

No matter how they hushed them

Until they turned on the radio

And a song began to play.

And all of us with our scared hearts 

Listened to the music

The man, with his hand holding mine

And his lips near my ear

"That's "Alien Love," a woman cried, "I've heard that song before!"

Long ago when music played

And the people danced to music

Long ago when people loved and it wasn't an alien thing

Long ago before love was outlawed

And became something that nobody practiced.

"I'd like to love before I die."

He said, pulling me closer

"I'd like to know just how it feels to have someone love me."

And the music stopped and the babies slept

And the night grew quiet again.

"So would I but I'm afraid." I said, turning my face

And he pulled my hair aside and kissed

My cheek and then my throat

A groaning in him became a growl

And in fright, I pulled away.

"I'm sorry." he whispered intensely, yet

I didn't think he was

"I don't know what's come over me and I don't know what to do."

And neither did I but I caught the eye 

Of the old woman next to me.

"Are you in love?" she smiled at me

In the dusky dim lit darkness

"I was in love when I was young before they took him away."

And she gave a sob and closed her eyes 

And fell back into grateful slumber.

"Hold me!" I said and slid my body back

Wondering if I too, had gone mad

And his arms pulled me tightly against his wild heart

Curving softly together

Like two spoons in a drawer.

"So this is love," I thought to myself

"This crazy alien feeling."

I let the joy wash over me like a madness in the brain

Wishing the morning would never come

When I would be lonely again.

I gasped when his hand ran up my thigh,

The heat melting through my clothes

As though I wore no gown and robe, as though I lay exposed

But I made no objection, no, I did not

For I was drowning in the feeling.

Then I was jolted to my senses

When his hand to my breast moved

"We're not alone!" I scolded him and pushed his hand away

No hand had ever touched me there

In fact, no hand had ever touched me.

"Forgive me!" he said as he righted himself

"My hand seems to have a mind of it's own.

It's never touched so soft a rose

Or a beautiful thing, like a woman."

And we lay there and marvelled at that, lost in the mystery of love.

At last we slept, in each other's arms

Till the lights came on in the morning

"What's this?" they shouted, "Are you two married?

Then you shouldn't be over here!"

"If you're not married, then you're in trouble for this is not allowed!"

I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and looked up at the shouters

"I'm sorry, I am not awake."  And I didn't know what to do

"Yes, we're married." I heard him say as I hid my astonished face

"Alright," they grumbled, drawing a crowd, 

"But you're on the wrong side of the room!"

They moved us to the opposite side and made us share our blanket

The married people looked at us with bewilderment in their eyes

There were not many and not many children

But they seemed to know one another

 But they knew not us and nor did we, 

 Not even each other's names.

For days and nights, we were held there

As bombs fell on our city

Locked beneath the ground we were

With our lives in the hands

Of strangers who we did not know, but gave us daily bread.

We slept with my coat jammed between us

For we were afraid to touch

We kept our eyes downcast and cold

So they wouldn't see the sparks

And every night we yearned to breach that barrier in the dark.

After many days of living that way

They said the war was over

They said that soon they'd let us go

And we cried aloud in joy

But some of us in sorrow wondered 

 What we would go home to.

Part Two

One day I woke to find the shelter

Emptied of the families,

The little children I had tended

And so had come to love

The elderly had gone then too and all the sick and lame.

"Come, my love!" my new love said

And reached to pull me upwards

"It's time to go, go see the world, or what is left of it."

And hurriedly I put on my coat and scanned the still full shelter

"Goodbye, my friends. I wish you luck." and they took us to the door.

The sunlight was so bright to us

Our eyes could barely see it

We stumbled over sticks and bricks

And stones and bones and men

We made our way as best we could till we could see again.

The city lay in shambles

The buildings lay in ruins

Holes in every thing we saw

The trees, the ground, un-glued

Black smoke rising up to the sky that was no longer blue.

An old man crying on the street raised his fists to us

"Test tube babies, you've killed us all!"

"There's no God in you to trust!"

And my companion pulled me away 

As the old man fell down dead.

I turned to see his book fall out

And see it's pages flutter

In the growing wind that smelled like sulphur

That made me catch my breath

"Holy Bible" the title read and then it blew away.

"I don't understand." I said to the man

"Please tell me what is happening.

I'm a test tube baby, are you one, too? But why blame us for this?"

And the man looked down at the blackened ground

And shook his head at me.

And then we saw the babies

And then we saw the wives

The husbands and the children

Who had just given their lives

Every where that our eyes looked, the dead lay all around.

And then the poison in the air

Began to fill our lungs

We covered our mouths with handkerchiefs

And coughed and began to run

But where to go, we did not know but we ran any way.

"I think I know why they let us go." 

The man stopped in his tracks

"And it's my fault, my God, forgive me! How you must hate me now!"

"Because you told them we were married?" I said

And he nodded and we saw the truth.

"They're building a new world out of the ashes of this,

With all of the old values gone

All of the families, the babies, true born,

The lovers, the believers, the old

Who remember the life, remember the love

Before hearts of men grew so cold."

"How much time.....?" I began to say

And he stopped me with his kiss

"I do not know but this much I know,

That I will not die like this."

And he grabbed my hand and away we ran

To the beach and it's dirty sand.

Coughing, stumbling, we ran and ran

Toward the sea with it's filthy water

Filled with rotting fish and fowl

And the screams of dying dolphins

Till we found a tiny makeshift shack

And we ran inside, exhausted.

There was a cot there on the floor

And he threw his coat upon it,

Stripped himself of all his clothes,

And fell upon the bed

Reaching his arms out to me, I barely hesitated

Threw my clothes off as I ran 

And fell into his arms.

"Before I die, I want to know the feel of flesh on flesh

I want to know your silken skin and what it is to love

All of my life, I've been alone, just working for my keeping

I've never touched another's hand

Or been a true--born man."

And oh, how wonderful it was

As we melted there together

His heart against my heart 

 And his hand gently in my hair

His legs entwined with mine

And all the wonders we found there.

I'd never known my parents

I'd never had a friend

I'd never known what life was like

Till it came to an end

I'd never known the world before

That would never be again.

"I just want to hold you."

He said with eyes of love

And my tears fell upon his face

"I swear to God above."

And I held him and he held me

And that was more than enough.

The poison wind swept through the shack

Like a demon, howling now

My eyes stayed fastened on his face

My heart holding on somehow

"I love you." I said with dying lips

And smoothed his furrowed brow.

And then his lover's eyes turned dark

And the light in them was gone

And I clung to his arms and cried

Afraid to be alone

Then death flew in upon that wind

And took my breath from me

And life and love was the very last thing

My eyes would ever see.

And there we lay in each other's arms

Till to dust our bones did fall

Married forever in our untouched hearts

That found that true love after all

Locked in embrace, in eternal embrace

All too human in need of the flesh upon flesh

Yet still so unsullied in that defiled world of man

Not even God could begrudge it.

©By Voo 

May 10, 2011

2:44 a.m.

SUNDAYS AND IRONIES

                                           

                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                   

Sundays and Ironies 

　 

　 

I was sitting there 

Sipping cold hot tea 

Reading yesterday's news 

In a newspaper that was barely 

Big as a handkerchief.

Outside, it was raining 

In the middle of a sun shower 

And all the unborn tulips screamed 

To shove their way up from muddy Spring graves.

My nosy neighbor (who had not yet died) 

Sloshed across the yard 

And stood in my line of vision 

Holding an arm load of soggy mail.

"Postman left it at my house." he said 

And waited while I put on my bunny shoes 

And slipped out into the morning, scowling 

For I was not a social butterfly, to say the least.

"Thank you." I muttered 

And went back into the warmth, 

Slammed the door, locked it, 

And kicked it for good measure.

I won't repeat here what I repeated then 

For all the mail was wet and opened and read 

Even the bills (and it was Sunday for pete's sakes!) 

And all my love letters from you were missing.

I threw everything in the trash 

Swallowed the last drop of tea, 

And made my way to the den 

To watch the broken t.v. that only had sound.

Same ole same ole...... 

The cat dropped down out of his hiding place 

Above my head, from the third row of classics, 

Books about travels, and my father's comics.

He gave me a glare 

Because I had shifted defensively in the chair 

And instead of my comfy chest, 

He landed on my knobby knee and the remote control.

"Serves you right!" I scolded 

"Always dropping in uninvited." 

And he gave me the look, you know the one, 

Licked my hand and then bit the hell out of my face.

The telephone didn't ring 

Most probably because I hadn't paid the bill 

And somewhere off in the distance, 

(Well, in the next room, actually) a faucet dripped.

Ah, Sundays! The day of rest and relaxation 

The day of cats and rain and cups of tea, 

Boring newspapers and nosy neighbors, 

And indescribable loneliness.............

I felt like growling 

But decided that the cat would take that 

As a call to arms and so kept my growl inside 

And pulled him to my chest and purred.

Two hours later 

A siren wailed it's way through the neighborhood, 

Down my street, and came to a stop next door 

And to my neighbor who lay sprawled on his front porch.

"What's happened?" I inquired, still holding the cat 

And peeking over the emergency crews' shoulders 

"Looks like a cardiac arrest." one said, eyeing me 

"Must have been something he read."

And then I saw the pile of white envelopes 

With Air Mail stamps on them 

Flown over from France and Spain and New Guinea 

Your letters, to me, from you, and not, him.

They were opened 

And splotched with rain, 

The ink running down precious pages 

Filled with sentences that ended in my name 

And meant only for my eyes.

"Why the dirty, low down.....!" 

And I snatched up the letters and dropped the cat 

And almost stumbled over the fallen mail thief 

As I looked into the open door of his kitchen.

There, on his untidy table 

Lay a note pad and a pen, 

A dozen more letters, 

And an envelope addressed to me.

"My Dearest Beloved....." 

The note pad read 

"I have loved you from afar 

Lo, these many, many years 

And now I must needs spill my heart."

"What the h---!" 

I exclaimed and grabbed the letter, 

Brought it up to my puzzled eyes and read 

So many things I wish I had never read.

"Your lover is a cad." he wrote 

"He does not love you and is not faithful." 

In one letter he describes his affair with a Countess, 

And in another, a pole dancer from the French Riviera."

"WWWWhaat?" I cried, disbelievingly 

"When did my William write such garbage?" 

And I tore open the letters and scanned them, shocked 

And sank down onto the grimy yellow kitchen floor.

"Lady, are you okay?" 

The medics called as they continued their job 

Of reviving an unrevivavable man 

(And for his sake, they'd better fail! I thought.)

I waved my hand in answer 

And got back to my feet, 

Sat at the table and finished reading 

The story of my pathetic, unsuspecting life.

"I have always watched out for you." 

He wrote, "And always kept the burglars away" 

"I've mowed your lawn and you never noticed, 

Fed your cat, and brought in the mail when you were gone."

("Yeah, you creep, you brought it to your house!") 

I cursed below my breath and read on 

"You are my sunshine and the joy of my life," he wrote 

And I will always, always, until my dying day, love you truly."

"But yesterday came the news that your darling cheating boy, 

Had decided it was time to settle down 

(He's probably out of money)

And was asking you to marry him

And I couldn't let that happen before I wrote to you."

Signed............ 

Signed what?! He didn't sign it! There was no signature! 

And then I realized that I didn't even know his name 

After all those years of living right next door.

"He's gone." 

The medics said quietly, their job finished 

And one of them looked at me and whispered, 

"I'm sorry."

I got to my feet 

And watched them load him into the ambulance 

As the rain began to pour harder through the pale sunshine 

And as they pulled away, I felt a strange and bitter thing.

My cat ran in the open door 

Wet, and exasperated as only cats do 

Wound himself around my ankles and sighed 

A wonderful feline sound, yet oddly human.

I gathered up all my letters 

And the letter yet unmailed, 

Looked around for strings untied and tied them, 

Turned out the lights and pulled the door closed behind me.

Halfway across the lawns 

Between his house and mine, 

I saw a red tulip pop it's head out of the ground 

As if to say, "Hello! Farewell! Auf Wiedersehen! Goodbye!" 

And I remembered that I had never planted tulips.

Running back into the shuttered house 

I found the note pad laying where I'd left it 

Took up the pen and brushed stray rain drops from my eyes 

"THANK YOU FOR LOVING ME." I wrote and ran.

Five months later 

A new man moved in next door 

I sat and watched him carrying boxes inside 

It was a sunshiny day and the lawn was ablaze with color.

It was ablaze with color 

Because I had worked all summer to make it so 

Me and the cat 

Because he, too, missed the man who had given him free milk.

"Beautiful place here." the new man spoke 

Rousing me from my reverie at the open window 

"Yes, it is." I said shyly, for he was very good looking 

"Welcome to the neighborhood."

"Thank you." He said, turning 

And I remembered. "Wait!" I cried 

And handed him a letter. "The post man left it here by mistake." 

"Hmmm." he said, taking it from my hand, puzzled

And I hoped he wouldn't notice the tears and tape.

Not married, 

Not a playboy,

Not a doctor,

A plumber.......

And that was good to know. 

　 

©by Voo 

March 28, 2010 

5:06 p.m.

RED CURTAINS

Red Curtains

Leaving home, I looked back one more time

At the little yard that needed to be raked

The old car that cried out for new tires

The flower garden that refused to grow a rose

And my heart jumped into my throat.

Dewey, the dog, barked once

And then sat there staring at me

With big, moist eyes as if he knew

He'd never see me again.

It was dawn and the dew was cold

On my bare feet

For I had crept out silently

Carrying my shoes and my suitcase.

"Goodbye, Mama." I said under my breath

"Goodbye, Daddy." "Goodbye, house."

For you were waiting down the highway

And when they'd awake, I'd be long gone.

Then a bluebird on the rooftop

Started singing and it made me cry

Starkly contrasted against Mama's red curtains

In that window frame of white.

How that image has stayed with me

All these years down all these roads

Dewey's eyes and the bluebird's song

And those red, red curtains

Faded now, I'm sure, to pink.

©Voo

July 28/07