The Lost Man’s Journey
We were dreaming on tired feet
Running through thick gray clouds of ancient fog
Emerging from nightmare
And tasting of wine gone sour
My brother and I.
(Looking for you)
(Journeys are like lives
They never seem to end
And then they come to sudden halt
Whether fulfilled or left without harbor
Lost on the pathways and looking for light.)
Over mountain and stream
And valleys of mysteries
We stumbled without word
Or thought for the dawn
Of any cold sun that would rise without you.
(As we searched the world for your face)
How long we searched,
I do not know
I do not remember the nights
Lying in darkness with tears in my eyes
I do not remember because I do not dare.
You were there in the mist
Ethereal and ghostly, beckoning me
As you always have, with your angel’s smile
And a heart full of promise
That no man can read.
(You, with the water that quenches my thirst)
I barely remember the days
Dry, hot, cold, endless
Sunrise, sunset, twilight and morning
My brother scowling, as he scanned the horizon
Looking for reasons to keep moving forward.
We killed the men there on the road
Men who said they knew you
Men who smiled their last sad smiles
As they talked about your kiss
We killed them and we left them where they lay.
(Lives undone by the softness of your touch)
My hands were wearied of the sword
Wearied of the bow
Wearied of the dusty feet I walked on
And fearful of the journey’s end
Whatever that might be.
My brother sang
When he thought I was asleep
In the darkness of midnight
‘Neath the canopy of trees
He did not know I listened with heavy heart.
(A heart that holds no one but you)
In emerald forests, we found our food
Creatures, wild and wandering from home
They, and we, meeting on deadly grounds
That lead to extinction
And gave us strength for another day.
In strange noon darkness, we found the place of Shadows
That linger in the shades of time
Haunted things that had no recognition
That we were men,
But only other Shadows to be passed.
(Sometimes we wondered if you had crossed their paths)
Feminine forms, oft caught our eyes
From time to time
But only for a moment,
For we had no time to waste on borrowed lips
Even when they smiled with taste of honey.
Even when they reminded us of faded days,
Of home with evening fire and smell of bread,
Soft pillows and warm blankets
And nights beneath the stars
In arms of love.
(Those arms I needed to welcome me again)
My brother is a hard, hard man
At least to me
Older, wiser, with quiet eyes and quieter mouth
He did not share his thoughts
Nor complain about the journey.
The plan was made, the quest was given
And off we set,
Looking for the wayward woman
Who chose to run
Who brought dishonor upon our family name.
(Who took my heart and carried it as she ran)
Through thunderstorm we walked in rain,
Sunlit days as gold as glory,
The nights as black as windows down in hell
Trudging onward toward the great unknown
(And fighting sick despair within our souls)
We came upon a village fair
Children running, and sounds of laughter
Out of the fog, houses appeared
Tall sunflowers and barking dogs
Smells of cooking and sparkling skies.
(And there, upon the wind, we smelled your fragrance)
My heart, a racing, foolish thing
That leapt in hope
I searched the way for sight of you
Even as the bitter fury filled my face.
My brother’s eyes, unreadable and hooded
Looked back at me,
Nodded once, and hurried through the morning,
Through the trees, with dagger in his hand.
(Toward the sound of laughter that would fade away like dreams)
My courage failing,
Hesitation slowed me
Each step a hundred thousand deaths
Each heart beat, forty more
I walked as though a dead man, there in my brother’s dust.
What I would find, I did not know
What I would do, did not foresee
For I had not thought farther than
Your face, my only treasure
Shining once again upon the world.
(The treasure you had taken back as you forsook your vow to me)
A man lies dying by a garden gate
His blood, a crimson pool, mixed with regret
His mouth is opened, stunned, in disbelief
His hand is empty, reaching out
For a hand he thought was his.
How many men have reached for you, I wonder
How many dead and dying, for the wanting of your love?
I cannot think of that, now that you are near me
A wounded animal, I crash the door
With a raging, mad desire.
(And the dreams of all the old days coming back to life)
Your sweet voice beguiling
And pleading for mercy,
Your eyes catch my own as I stop, as in trance
Over his shoulder as his arms gather round you
My brother, your husband, with his arms hard as steel.
The journey ends
Without succor and no harbor
Finding you, I am tethered now to shadows
Like the Lost Ones encountered
On the road to your door.
(And all I can think of is your mouth upon mine)
Kissing your face, my brother smiles,
Perhaps for the first time in memory
“Never leave me.” he says in your ear
As you tear your eyes from me
Laugh, and shake back your hair.
“Never again.” I hear you whisper
Promising a wild heart that belongs to no man
I cannot look away, I cannot breathe,
Your eyes hold me tight as he gathers you tighter
Your lips, sweet as wine, tease with a smile like the sun.
(As I wonder how I ever thought him wise)
And I still believe that there’s a way
Beyond the mists, beyond the dust of yesterday
For me and you, my brother’s wife, locked in his arms
Until the dagger finds it’s mark
And the sun goes dark forever.
Returning home, I do not dream, I do not sleep, I do not speak
No wine can ease my pain or mend my soul
I eat no food nor does my brother offer it
And when we reach the place of Shadows,
He does not notice when I fall behind.
(No longer a man, perhaps I’ll find you there.)
©by Voo
June 1, 2010
2:30 a.m.
