SHADOW SEER

shadow seer

from darkness thick as thieves they come

but only to the edge

of peripheral sight hidden in night

they cling upon the ledge

of mind and madness, watching there

each movement and each step

they know where all the treasures are

and where your dreams are kept

insinuating into human hearts

they journal every thought

and teach their cohorts how to win

the battles so hard fought

the shadows come, the shadows go

and men go their way, blind

unaware that they are there

like quickenings in the mind

oft times they hide in midday's shadows

oft times they hide in stars

their whispers carried to ears of strangers

who don't know who they are

the shadow people, the shadow kings

the rulers of the night

unseen by few, the gifted, who

can see through dark like light

our eyes meet sometimes now and then

the shadowkind and me

we stare each other down in silence

till we cannot stand to see

but both aware that we are there

on opposite sides of light

me, in my sunlit world of man

and they, in their endless night.

                           

©by Voo

May 24, 2005

 8:42 p.m. 

UN-TETHERED

Un-Tethered



My mind is not tethered to my brain
It has an agenda of it's own
Frequently going off into the ethereal
Settling for the ephemeral
While hungering for the eternal.

I do not know myself, I think
Like God knows me
I am a stranger in my own eyes
And in the eyes of passersby
And family.

There is a heart cry
That few hear and no one heeds
It has been screaming out it's voice
Since the moment of my birth
And will continue on
Long after my death.

Sometimes
I don't even feel like God hears it
And if He does, He ignores it
And puts in on a list to be dealt with later
After galaxies, geothermals, sinners and saints
Have long been checked off.

Did you ever have the thought
That love is only given to those
Who have more love than they need
And never doled out
To those that need it more than breath?

I have
Because I am one of those
The loveless, the lonely, the forgotten
Adrift on a friendless sea
Surrounded by sharks
And burned by a merciless sun.

Nobody knows me
Nobody
They lie to themselves
And think they do
But they don't
And they never will.

Because I am un-tethered
To the here and now
And tethered only to the immortal lands
Where legends live and angels sing
And every one knows one another by the Spirit.

How I wish I could go there to stay
Walk those golden shores
And feel the love that never ebbs, 
Never dies and is never pulled out
From under the feet like a door mat.

I went there, once
One bright shining moment
That lives now in my memory
Like a lifeboat on a sinking ship.

It cradles me there
When life smashes me
With it's hopelessness and horror
And I can't stand to be here any more.

That memory is my gift, my hope, my faith
That there is more than this life, this world
Into which I have been born but do not live in
Only enduring to exist on while daily expiring.

My heart is a vast, uncharted chasm
Echoing back my own voice
As I wail out my longing
To a un-hearing planet.

I know that I am not the only one
There are millions of us
Billions, maybe, walking alone
On shores that leave no footprints.

One day when we have given up
And dropped our hold on survival
Eternity will reach down it's hand
And lift us to the celestial.

Lift us up to love
That we have never known
Lift us up to joy
That we have never tasted.

Lift us up to feast and banquet
To dine on the food that we are starving for
And the wine that our souls crave
Like a drunkard who has never had a drink.

I am un-tethered here
Like a balloon without a string
Bobbing here and there through perilous skies
Dodging crow and tree and bow and arrow.

But in my heart of hearts, I know
That when I have been shot down and shattered
The essence that is me, my spirit
Will straight way go to that other land
Where I am known.

The place I am tethered to, eternally
The place that can only be found in vision
The place that existed before terra firma was ever formed
The place that will feel like home.

Till then, I walk in shadow
And the sun does not shine on me
Because it does not see me
Nor does the moon know me
Nor do the passersby love me
Because I am only a vapor here
And to this place,  I do not belong.


©by Voo
April 13, 2017
10:38 p.m.

WARRIORS OF THE WAY EPISODE SEVEN..Maid of Mud (my favorite episode)

WARRIORS OF THE WAY 

EPISODE SEVEN

 
MAID OF MUD

                      
        My eyes flew open at first light. The sun was rising in the east and peeking through the trees in yellow wonder. I heard birds flitting hungrily from tree to ground in search of breakfast. The air had a crisp new smell to it as it often does after a downpour. Here and there, a few renegade drops of water fell from boulder and leaf and from the top of our arbor. I heard the horse chomping noisily on grass across the camp and the thud of impatient hooves. I thought then, surely, the last few days had been but a bad dream, nothing more than that. My father would not have let Starshine be taken from me after all of his promises. He would not let me stumble alone in unknown territory without my friend and companion. I ran my hands through my jumbled hair and attempted to braid it into a huge messy braid and threw it back over my shoulder. "My eye!" a voice exclaimed and the man threw back his coverlets and pretended to rub his injured eye in mock protest. "Thou hast blinded me, surely!" Hiding my face in my hands, I let reality rush over me and sighed to let go of hopeful wishes that were not to be. No dream, this. No Starshine waiting behind the boulder. He was gone forever. My father had told me an untruth. A surge of pain and anger flashed in my eyes and I looked at the man coldly.

      "And what is this?" he said looking around him and checking his feet and hands and neck. "I have lived through the night unscathed? I am not killed in my sleep by the rescued maiden with hands of iron and sword of steel?" On and on he went, checking parts of his unharmed body and gathering up his sword and dagger and bow in amazement. I drew my knees up under my chin and watched his little performance. When he had run out of things to check, I said in an irritated voice, "If thou wert a jester in the court, I should have thee tarred and feathered and removed from the court! Thy jests lack humor, sir, and thy pantomimes, imagination! In short, keep thyself to thy cooking pots and leave the jesting to the......jesters." My chastisement trailed off into uninspired mumbling as I realized that the man was sitting there watching me in delight, his blue eyes fastened onto my animated hands and mouth and laughing at me in true good humor. "Hummmph!" I said in ending tirade and fell silent in embarrassment.

          We sat there for some time on the damp bunk and looked at everything there was to look at except at one another. We looked at the odd trees with their smooth bark, the washed out camp and campfire, the sky filtered through the tree branches, the tall boulders standing there like guardians on the other side of the enclosure. I reached up and caught a drop of rainwater in my hand as it fell and held it there as a ray of sunlight suddenly caught it and made it sparkle like a diamond. A shiver went through me and I knew not why but the man reached out for my wrist and flung the drop away in sudden motion. "Why?" I asked him without speaking and he held me fast and gazed into my eyes with silent questions, probing, it seemed, my very soul.

 For long moments we stared, until the noise of a falling tree broke the spell and we jumped away from one another and busied ourselves with straightening our clothing and arranging the skins and blankets neatly in a pile. "I wonder what that was?" I said finally and the man gathered up his weaponry and jumped down from the ledge. He stopped and held out his hand to help me down and I hesitated. "Very well," he said, "Stay here and I will see to the commotion. Then I will see to my cooking pots and work on my humor." His tone was gruff and off putting and I did not know how to respond. 

    So I sat back and watched him walk away, pulling up his boots and running his tanned hands through his hair. His shoulders were broad and strong and his legs long and athletic. I did not recognize the fabric or skin that he wore but thought to myself how handsome he looked in the black tunic and breeches with brown over-vest and cloak. Like the man in one of the story books my nurse had given to me as a child. A prince, maybe. A dragon slayer. A killer of dark beasts and rescuer of fair....maidens. Or...not. An outlaw, perhaps, a wizard, a renegade of the House of Fallon, the shapeshifters. A mind reader. Yes, he was that, most certainly! I would have to try to be more careful and not allow my mind to run free with thought as I was prone to do. At least I would try. There was something regal about the man, a high born quality about the way he carried himself though I did not understand the way he spoke in his mix of the language of the Kingdom and the casual phrasing of pronouns and verbs. Never had I heard this manner of speaking! It was strange and yet I liked it.


      I rolled the word 'you' over my tongue and it felt odd but delicious."You! I shouted and laughed. "What meaneth You?" I jumped down from the bunk just as the man reappeared in my line of vision carrying a load of firewood. "You means Thou!" he shouted back throwing down the sticks and branches and preparing to make a fire. "Art thou always so noisy in the morning?" he asked as I made my way toward him and stopped at the edge of the grass. "Your boots are wrapped in your cloak in the arbor. Unless.....you like walking in mud." "It is no bother." I said haughtily and pulled myself up as tall as I could. Stepping carefully through the muddy mess, I came near to the place where he crouched and crouched there myself, watching him start the fire with some kind of flint contraption that he had produced from the pouch slung over his shoulder.


    "The wood is wet," I said needlessly, "Wet wood will........."  "Why don't you go find the cooking pot and utensils while I do this task?" he motioned to me. "The rain has washed everything away that was not secured."  I did not see the pot anywhere near and wondered where I would eventually find it. "Findeth it, I will," I said confidently, "but first, tell me why thou didst what thou didst?" (referring to the violent grabbing of my hand and the flinging away of the raindrop.) A growling sound issued forth from his throat and he shook his head and mumbled something I could not hear. He worked furiously with the flint for a moment and then brushed the hair out of his eyes and looked in my direction, if not into my eyes. "Some things are best not remembered." he said and that was all.

"Hmmm." I said back and walked around the perimeter of the camp wondering what that meant. I gathered up a big metal spoon and a few other objects strewn about but did not see the cooking pot. There was a water flask hanging from a small bent tree and a black tunic embroidered with silver leaves and a crest I did not recognize. Strange symbols were woven there interspersed with others somewhat familiar. I determined to examine the garment more closely and hung it back on the tree. 


      Observing the path that the flood waters had taken, I followed it in my bare feet, enjoying the feel of cool mud between my toes until the bare dirt gave way to wet grass and dripping forest. I thought to myself how dark it seemed in that part of the wood and questioned whether or not I should venture there. Hesitantly, I stood until I heard the man shout "Don't go too far! And don't go into the forest!" And having heard that, quite naturally, I took my first step into the dark stand of gnarled black trees. Who was he to order me about so? No one ordered me but my father and of late, there had been no order and no command, no word at all from that quarter. Not even the still small voice in my heart had spoken to me that I could recall. I had been, at least in my own eyes, abandoned by everyone I had ever loved.


     "I am a warrior!" I said to the trees in an angry voice. "I need only...." and hushed myself before speaking words I would later regret. Impulsiveness had always gotten me into trouble and even quicker word and thought had gotten me out but then, why get myself into trouble in the first place? "The mouth is a deep pit." my old teacher had said to me. "Thou openeth it to devour others and falleth into it thyself." I shuddered at the memory and of the punishment that had followed my impulsive words and actions those long years ago and quickly mumbled "Mouth, shut thyself. I command thee." I tripped over the blackened handle of the stew pot and picked it up as I fell against a tree that felt slimy and cold. 


     Disgusted, I brushed off my shoulder and looked around for the utensil in the shade that seemingly could not be penetrated by sunlight. "What a horrible place!" I said out loud and my voice rang like a bell in the eerie silence. Surely the pot was close to it's handle! Surely, it had not rolled back into....that dark and frightening nightmare of a wood! "I can live without stew." I thought. The man could hunt and eat his kill with bare hands for all I cared. I wasn't about to go further....and then I heard a crunch and then a sound like a whisper and to my right, I saw a movement so swift I could not tell if it were beast or bird. I started and then calmed myself with brave words quoted inside my heart, learned at my teacher's knee and again while walking beside him as he illustrated his words with scenes from nature.

 "Fear not." he said to me over and over until I wanted to hit him and make him fear me! "Fear keepeth us alive!" I had shouted at him one day quoting my friend the shepherd boy who had much wisdom in my eyes. "Fear maketh us to run to liveth another day!" "Fear holdeth thy heart captive!" he shouted back. "Fears enslaves and grinds and torments! Fear not, beloved student, but live in freedom!" "How canst I live in freedom when mine every footstep is overshadowed by thy shadow?" I had yelled back to him as I fled up the face of a cliff while he struggled to catch up with me, clutching for the hem of my garment. I had been seven and it was my birthday. All day I had waited for my father's call to come to his chambers but it had not come and I was hurt and angry. My teacher understood but in his unmarried and childless way, he did not know how to make it better.

 So he attempted yet another lesson on how to be fearless, telling me that someday I would have need of his teachings and for his trouble, his impudent student had led him around the whole of the village running through briar patches and rose gardens, horse stables and under storage sheds. The children of the village and court watched us excitedly, urging me on, shouting at me new places to hide under and to run through while my teacher had followed my every step, stumbling and fussing and threatening me with dire expectations.


      At the end of the day, remembering his face when he had fallen into the pig pen on the far side of the village, (as he attempted to stop me as I walked around the top of the fence like a circus rope walker), had been the best birthday present I had ever had. I laughed beneath my bed covers far into the night and when I fell asleep, I dreamed I was laughing and when I awoke, a smile was still on my lips. "I hope thou art happy." my teacher sniffed as he began the next day's lessons, inspecting his arms and legs for imagined injuries and pulling out his charts and books. "Quite happy." I said honestly and smiled at him in feigned innocence. Impulsively, I went to him and put my little arms about his waist and embraced him.

 Looking up into his stern face with brown eyes big as saucers and sparkling with mischief, I had said as sweetly as I could, "Beloved Teacher, thou has done well. When thou wert falling into the pig pen and being eaten by the swine, I was not afraid! I remembered all of thy teachings and lessons that lasted for a thousand years, and I feared not! Wast thou afraid, Teacher?" And holding me close against him without my knowing if I would be rewarded with swat or sweet, my teacher began to shake in helpless laughter which could not be contained and which exploded into gales of mirth that soon encompassed us both and ended in a happy dance around the teaching room. And to this day, was a treasured memory kept within my heart.


       "I fear nothing!" I said through clenched teeth, peering into the depths of shades and shadows in that unwelcoming wood and gathering my courage from the spirit of my teacher. A tiny beam of sunlight pierced the gloom unexpectedly and I squinted my eyes to see the cooking pot there yards ahead underneath a particularly evil looking tree. "Oh, no!" I groaned and brandishing the stew spoon as a weapon, I decided to run like lightning, grab the pot and get out of that cruel place in three beats of my heart. One step, two, very slowly, three...though my heart was racing like a wild thing in my breast, I inched towards the beam of sunlight. "Run, thou fool!" I admonished myself but did not heed the warning. "They art only trees! Thou canst outrun them!" The sound of a soft growl reached my ears then and a snap of twig and a gust of icy wind whipped around me and grasped me in it's chill embrace, then let go of me so quickly that I fell to the dirty, mossy ground.


      Scurrying to collect what I'd dropped, I whirled around in fright so many times that I lost my sense of direction and for a moment, felt more afraid than I had ever been. "Fear not, child!" I seemed to hear my teacher say in a calm and loving voice and the sound of it quieted me. When I began to breathe almost normally again, I realized that I could hear the sound of loud breathing not my own and chills went down my spine. Keeping my eyes on the pot lying in the ray of sun, I gathered every drop of bravery that I could find within me and holding the spoon like a sword, I ran toward the thing with feet that flew as with wings. Amidst cracking noises and deafening breathing and trees that seemed to grab at me with menace, I grabbed the pot, swirled and ran toward the forest's opening that seemed somehow to be a thousand miles away.

 But on I ran, hearing the rush of feet behind me and the chase of something bigger than I and more terrible than my mind could conjure. I ran to the opening of the trees, into the grassy field and sunlight, into the muddy, bare brown dirt and toward the camp and blazing fire that looked more welcome to me than anything I had ever seen. "I have found it!" I shouted, holding up the pot and spoon and rushing excitedly toward the man and as far away from the forest as I could get. "I knew you would." the man said to me, watching me run but not knowing why I hurried so. "And in good timing too as I have found our breakfast and made the fire ready." 


        I wondered if the creature in the forest would pursue me here and I opened my mouth to tell the man of the danger, when in my haste, I slipped in the mud and went flying across the camp still holding the spoon, and came at last to rest at the boot of the owner of it. I was covered in mud and looked, I was sure, like a wild thing and worse. My hair flew into my eyes and tangled itself around my body like a vine. My long tunic swirled around my waist and my bare legs stuck out like a broken doll's.  I thought to cover them but saw that they were already covered in thick mud. I raised one humiliated hand to push the hair out of my eyes and unknowingly wiped a trail of mud from cheek to forehead. 

All was quiet for a while as I sat there trying to get my bearings and then the man with sky colored eyes said, with laughter in his voice, "My, my my! Aren't you a lovely thing fresh from the morning, covered in dewdrops and with flowers in your hair? Never have I seen anyone so anxious to return to my company and to my cooking and so enamored of me that thou hast thrown thyself down at my feet!" And I didn't know whether to laugh or to cry so I did neither. I just sat there looking up at him and holding the spoon and thinking about my teacher.

       TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE EIGHT..............

https://bluevineyard.blogspot.com/2017/05/warriors-of-way-episode-8-becoming.html

                         please read and comment.......Voo

WARRIORS OF THE WAY EPISODE SIX Night Without End

WARRIORS OF THE WAY

EPISODE SIX

NIGHT WITHOUT END

     The night and it's thunderous storm seemed never ending. Given that I had thoroughly mortified myself by being caught in an impulsive and childish act made it all the more unendurable. Shame flooded through me and kept me silent and withdrawn while at the same time, more confused than ever. Could the man read my very thoughts? How was that possible? What kind of being was he? Did I dare trust him? Had he been the watcher who had watched me by the brook? The tangible feeling of evil had preceded his appearance, had it not? Were they one and the same? My mind raced down every avenue that presented itself as my memories began to surface. The white bird, I saw in my mind's eye again and remembered the eerie song and the farewell gesture. The sparkling water of the brook, the chilly bath and the what? Something there in the water. Something wonderful. Something...magical. I shook my head to clear it and sighed in frustration. My memory refused to co-operate. What could I not see? I replayed every thing that I could grasp in thought. Starshine. The viper. The grave. The long trek down the hill into the brown valley. So tired. So alone. Walking for miles in my grief. The lush oasis with it's green grass and willow trees. Falling on the blanket in exhaustion. Waking alone.......... 

   
     The man stirred beside me and murmured in his sleep, disturbing my recollections. Why did he have to be so beautiful? I thought distractedly. Had any other man in past or present ever possessed such eyes as he? Blue as mid morning skies and unique in all the world. I marveled at their color and wondered at the man. He had been kind to me, had he not? He had fed me and sheltered me and hid me from the storm. He had......he had....and then it came to me as clear as day and as frightening as the night. The man....there at my camp! My sword drawn and taken from me like one who had arms of straw! He had held me, freshly dressed and still damp from my bath! Watching me from beyond my view. While I sat.... doing what? My head swam with the futility and my face flamed with the knowledge. What thing had transpired between the dressing and the vanquishing? I covered my mouth with my hands so that he could not hear my shameful sobs. Tears flowed down my cheeks as I strove to remember the missing details.


      The warrior in me fled away in fear and worry and I burned in misery as though I walked in flame. "I did not see you." he said softly, turning in the tangle of coverings to face me as I trembled there,  grateful for the crashing thunder and noise of rain. The wind changed suddenly and rain blew into my face in cold, icy sheets, catching me by surprise. The man reached and pulled me back against his form out of the rain's reach and covered our faces, our breath meeting there together warm as sun. "I did not see you." he said again and I did not pull away from him although I meant to. I shivered, once again alarmed at the way he had answered my unasked question. Was I mad? Had the viper bitten me as well as my horse? Delirium surely ran through my brain! Lightning struck close by our arbor and I screamed at the shock of it, turned over and huddled myself even closer to his chest as his arm went around me. 


     Somewhere I heard the horse call out and heard the stamp of heavy feet but did not look out of the enclosure. Finally, with no air left to breathe, we lifted the cover off our faces and breathed the night air into gasping lungs. Our eyes met in a flash of light and we laughed, timidly at first and then out loud, our laughter strange and alien in that place. In the pale glow of the trees and the intermittent flashes, my eyes searched his with questions I could never ask. At least not now and perhaps,  not ever. "You must forgive me if I hold you thus," he said finally, "but this night demands it and your safety commands it. I will not allow you to be frightened or tormented." "Tormented?" I asked trying to put on a strong face and tensing myself against his hold. "Why dost thou assume....?" And let it drop at that. How could I hide thoughts from one such as he? "You have not been dishonored...in any way." he reassured me, pulling me to him in quick embrace and letting me go just as quickly. "I saw only what I needed to see and nothing else. The one who guides me warned me of your...vulnerability and protected your modesty." Frowning deeply, I squinted my eyes in puzzlement, searching his face, and he said in a quiet and sober voice, "In my life, I have seen many things. Some I should not have seen, some I should like to see again, but in my travels throughout this world in which we have been planted, by reason of experience and by guidance sure, I have learned when I should look.....and when I should look away." 


     Feeling somewhat reassured by his words, I let the tension flow from my body and let his arm cradle my head and hold me close there in his warmth. The rain began to slow and fell in drowsy, cold drops. Never had I been so close to another person, not physically, at least, except for Cy-nythia, my childhood nurse and never had her embrace felt like this! I smiled into the darkness at my thought and felt the call of slumber beckon me. Suddenly, I asked, compulsively,  "How is it that thy speech is so? Thy way of phrasing strange and curious? From what land dost thou come and why hast thou come here?" A flood of questions issued forth from my lips tumbling over one another too fast to answer. The man laughed softly at my eagerness and whispered "Shh! One at a time! But first, you must answer me my question and then I shall do my best to answer yours." "That is fair." I said and waited for his words then trembled when they came. "How is it that thou...... who speaks in the manner of the Royal House have come to be in this wide, wild land alone and friendless? And why didst thou not know that I saw you at the tree.... and followed you?"  

      
     Bewilderment turned to anger and anger to renewed fear and I pulled myself away from him and huddled at the bunk's edge, wet with rain. Oh, would this night never end? I wanted to run away and hide myself from this unknown stranger who seemed to know all there was to know about me and yet he asked the question I could not answer as though he did not know. I didn't move or make a sound and willed myself to sleep to shut out the thoughts that ran through my mind like snakes. Once again I was uneasy and once again uncomfortable and cold. "Never mind," he sighed against my back. "You will tell me when you are ready. Forgive me if I have upset you, little one. Now go to sleep and regain your fearsome strength. The night is passing and in the morning you will see.......I have a surprise for thee!"

                    TO BE CONTINUED IN EPISODE SEVEN.........

https://bluevineyard.blogspot.com/2017/04/warriors-of-way-episode-sevenmaid-of.html

WHAT IF?

What If?


What if there were no star shine
Or moon light's gleam
What if there was no golden sun
Sparkling up the stream?

What if there were no bird song
Or melody in the heart
What if there were no lantern glow
Lighting up the dark?

What if there were no sweetness
To sourness, counteract
What if we lost everything
And couldn't get it back?

What if there was no beauty
And ugliness did reign
What if there was no comfort
And all we knew was pain?

What if days were endless
And nights, a moment's bliss
What if lips were hungry
And couldn't taste a kiss?

What if life was temporary
And this time was all we knew
I wouldn't care about any of that
As long as I had you.


©By Voo
April 12, 2017
8:08 p.m.