Who I Am
You make me feel like I need to apologize
For being alive
For existing on your plane so different from mine
So far above, or below
I never quite know
I only know that when you look at me
You don’t even know who I am.
You make me feel like a sideshow freak
Standing there within a solitary floodlight
Under the scrutiny of your criticizing eyes
Listening for things that I have not said,
Looking for things that will never appear,
Hunting for things that will never be found
And unable to hear what my heart has just spoken.
What makes us so different, you and I?
I crave peace, and you need war
I love laughter and you like the thunder
Of your own voice
Always debating, always berating,
Always arguing
Looking for offenses when I offer my wisdom.
Can you just not see what’s in front of your face?
How soft my touch is?
How sweet my smile?
How great is my love and how empty my heart?
I was born to care and I care so much
Yet I lie down with broken-ness
And I rise up with pain.
I am a child that has never known true love
And yet it flows from me like a dammed up river
Looking for dry fields to water and nourish
I am father-less and mother-less,
Child-less and friend-less
An innocent in a cold, jaded world
Ever waiting with hopeful eyes and tears about to fall.
How I love beauty!
And books full of romance,
Elegance and grace and soft, tender words,
Poetry and art and the music of Heaven,
Family ’round the table and the silver of rain,
Hands reaching to heal, not pushing away,
The giggles of babies and the smiles of a friend.
I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it
I would cook you the biggest banquet you ever saw
And go hungry myself
I would slave on my hands and my knees in hard labor
If it meant that you wanted for nothing
And you know that I would, for I have, and I can
For that is who I am.
One day you will come to me, for the joy of my humor,
For the warmth of my face, and the glow of my hearth
Ask for the gifts and the time always waiting,
Run to the comfort that I’ve offered in vain,
Call out my name in rooms full of your pictures
(My illusions of love)
But I will not be there.
Look at me!
See me
Listen to me, know me
For I am worth knowing
I will not apologize for who I am
For who I am
Has made you who you are.
©by Voo
November 30, 2009
3:02 a.m.
This is beautiful Voo! So passionate, innocent, tender, full of love and affection, giving, selfless, yet full of sorrow, and brokenness. My heart goes out to her deeply. Makes my heart reach out to her and hug her soul tightly.
ReplyDeleteJust beautiful!!
Thank you, my friend. This is how it feels to love a Narcissist or person with BPD.
ReplyDeleteThis is how they make you feel. I've had 7 of these people in my life and family.
I wonder how I am still sane. Or alive. I am doing better in dealing with them in some regards
but there are still some that can make me feel like mere dirt on the bottom of their shoe in
the blink of an eye.....sigh.
Don't let them. You're better than that! I believe in ya!
Delete