I Wonder

I Wonder


I wonder if you're lying there
Miles from where my eyes can see
Lying in your bed alone
Thinking about me.

I wonder if you miss my smile
My soft beguiling voice
I wonder if you understand
That I didn't have a choice.

To let you go, to let you know
That some things had to change
Things that could only be fixed by you
If some things, you'd rearrange.

I didn't mean to hurt you
Or fill your life with strife
I only meant to love you
And bring joy to your life.

I only meant to share my self
Like I'd never shared before
You said it meant the world to you
Until you slammed the door.

And here I am and there you are
On opposite sides of the door
And I'm alone and you're alone
Just like we were before.

And the world's a duller, dimmer place
The stars don't shine as bright
The sun at dawn feels so forlorn
And each night's an endless night.

Those velvet nights we dreamed together
Now seem so far away
Lying in your lover's arms
Until the break of day.

How we used to talk about everything
Make a joke of anything
Share the music that we loved
Sometimes, I'd even sing.

And the poetry that flowed from us
Like a fountain from our souls!
I thought we shared our hearts and minds
I thought we shared our goals!!

But my goals were not your goals, it seems
You chose another path
A path that I could not walk with you
And it tore my heart in half.

That 'once in a lifetime' 'forever and always'
It was not meant to be
That one soul split in two and then
'We' became 'you' and 'me.'

But my arms still miss you in them
My lips still crave your kiss
My body burns for your tender touch
And your love, I'll always miss.

I wonder if you think of me
And remember how it was
Those things I said and did for you
And gave you, just because.

I wonder if you say my name
Sometimes in your sleep
Hold to me there in your dreams
That pull you down so deep.

I wonder if you feel me
Touching you sometime
Running my hands over you
Driving you out of your mind.

I wonder, how I wonder
If anything with us was real
Or if it was a spell that we were under
That made us feel the things we'd feel.

I couldn't be sure, I could never be sure
If what we had would last
Now the future that I dreamed with you
Is laying buried in the past.

Still alive, but just a ghost
A mirage that shimmers there
On a place that once was lush and green
Now a desert, dry and bare.

And all we have are memories
And words and poems and songs
That we can't bear to hear again
Now those right things turned to wrongs.

How fast can love turn into war
How quick the heart can shatter
How soon we grab what matters not
And let go the things that matter.

But in the midnight's lonely hours
When my mind is full of thunder
My heart tells my mind to be quiet
And it's then I lay and wonder.

And it's then I wish we could go back
To the way it was before
But neither of us seem to have the key
To that locked door anymore.

I wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you know my heart
Is always with you there.

I wonder..........................

©By Voo Shining Stone
spur of the moment write
July 21, 2020
12:53 a.m.