Only Lonely....A Disjointed Discourse at Four In The Morning

Only Lonely song

Hootie and The Blowfish

......Only Lonely.......

A Disjointed Discourse

At Four In The Morning

The clock ticks

Resounding reverberations mocking

Each tick like a heart beat

While silver stars made of dust

Are dancing in the moonlight

Streaming through cloudy windows

Onto the floor

Where I lie curled into a little ball 

Of hurt.

It's a quarter past four

A wine glass overturned,

Spills garnet red onto the polished wood

Inching slowly toward a book of poetry

That you gave me

When you met me

When you liked me

When you loved me.

A sudden wind visits

And rakes a wayward limb

Against the roof

A dog howls

A cat yowls

An owl awakens

And surveys his surroundings

And goes back to watchful sleep.

I wonder why I'm lying there

On the floor

In the dark

Covered only by my raven dark hair

And the blanket of moonlight

That rests upon

My flesh and form.

And then I remember

And I touch my wet face

And taste the wine on my tongue,

Push the book away from disaster

And upright

The crystal flute

Lying in it's wasted sea of Merlot.

Go away, teardrops! 

Run away, heartache!

Move along, memories!

Nothing to see here!

We've all seen this scene before.

Through season

Storm and sunny day

Since fate and luck

Took love away

Since all my hopes of loving you

And all my dreams did not come true.....

(Hey, I made a rhyme! I wrote a poem!)

We've been here before

This floor and I

Moonlight bathed

Tears in my eye

Wine and poetry in my hand

Longing for a loveless man.

There's nothing here

Stars haven't seen

Nothing here or in-between

Nothing, nothing

But the sound

Of clocks that tick,

Tears falling down.

I am not dying

I am not dead

Not intoxicated

In my head

I am not crazy

I'm still quite sane

I still have thoughts

Within my brain

But I hurt, I hurt

I miss, I miss

Your hard embrace,

Your tender kiss.......

Sigh

I stand now, stumbling

Holding onto empty air

For a moment, I almost call your name

But I catch myself

And stop myself

From making an even bigger fool

 Of my foolish self.

Up the stairs I climb

Very slowly....

Because I do not want

To fall into that empty bed

With it's pillows

Still indented

And scented

By your head.

The moonlight trails me

And lights the way

Glinting off your pictures lining the walls,

Our pictures,

Filled with happy smiles 

And anticipations

That never came to be.

Look at you there 

In the shadows, hiding

Hurtful things

In the corners of your eyes

Waiting to rob me like a midnight thief.

I will never let you see

How your leaving left me

Only the moon and the stars

Will know the pain that I feel 

Your love was not real

Nor were your smiles, so seductive

That they made me believe

That you were loving me only.

Tomorrow will be a new day

As this night fades into light

Not all nights are this bad

Not all days are this sad

In the morning I'll be almost alright

Tonight I'm

 Only lonely.

 

©by Voo Shining Stone 

10/1/2020

Resistance

Resistance

I almost burned my tongue when I kissed you
The heat was hotter than the noonday sun
Raising my eyes to meet yours with their brown
The color of warm, sweet honey with a twinkle of mischief
I couldn't resist the tasting
I couldn't resist the wanting
I couldn't resist the wildness
That flooded through me like a colt set loose
On a green, green field in a sun drenched month of May
But I pulled back
And hurt crept into your beautiful eyes
And puzzlement frowned at me using your face
Tossing a lock of hair off your forehead, you tilted back
Till all I could see was your chin and all I could hear
Was your sigh
Then you shrugged and hunched your shoulders
And walked away, crunching the gravel with angry shoes
Silently, I watched you go, willing you to turn back
And when you did, that sweet, sweet mouth
And those honey brown eyes
Were as cold as ice.



©by Voo
December 23, 2006
 7:30 p.m.

NEVER

NEVER



I NEVER UNDERSTOOD HUMANS
I NEVER COMPREHENDED  THE BREED
I NEVER KNEW ONE TO BE SELFLESS
BUT SELFISH BECAUSE OF THEIR GREED.

I NEVER WAS TENDERLY TOUCHED
I NEVER CHERISHED, FELT
I NEVER KNEW THE TASTE OF LOVE
OR HOW IT LOOKED OR SMELT.

I NEVER HAD A HAND TO HOLD
OR SAW A HEART FELT SMILE
I NEVER KNEW WHAT IT WAS TO FEEL SAFE
OR PASSED A SECURE AND SURE WHILE.

I NEVER FIT IN WITH ANY GROUP
BUT HUNG AT THE OUTSKIRTS OF FEAR
THEIR DAGGERED EYES WOULD PIERCE MY HEART
AND SAY "YOU DO NOT BELONG HERE."

I NEVER GOT TO LET DOWN MY GUARD
I NEVER GOT TO BE
THE PERSON THAT I AM DEEP INSIDE
THE PERSON THAT IS ME.

MY PARENTS MADE ME RUN AWAY
THEY DROVE ME FROM MY HOME
THEY TOLD MY FAMILY THAT I WAS DEAD
AND SO I'VE ALWAYS BEEN ALONE.

SO LIFE HAS BEEN A LONELY WALK
AND SMILES, THEY HAVE BEEN FEW
BUT CAME THE DAY YOU LOOKED MY WAY
AND I FOUND A FRIEND IN YOU.

AND NOW I SEE THAT I WAS WRONG
MISTAKEN WAS MY HEART
JUST WHEN I'D BROKEN DOWN MY WALLS
YOU TORE MY SOUL APART.

BUT THAT'S OKAY, I'VE HURT BEFORE
I KNOW THAT PAIN SO WELL
MISFIT AM I, BANNED FROM THE SKY
AND BARRED FROM THE GATES OF HELL.

A LONELY WANDERER, NEVER HOME
WITH NOTHING TO DO BUT CRY
A PART BUT NOT REALLY, OF THE HUMAN RACE
AND NEVER KNOWING WHY.



©by Voo
when I was a teenager

I Wonder

I Wonder


I wonder if you're lying there
Miles from where my eyes can see
Lying in your bed alone
Thinking about me.

I wonder if you miss my smile
My soft beguiling voice
I wonder if you understand
That I didn't have a choice.

To let you go, to let you know
That some things had to change
Things that could only be fixed by you
If some things, you'd rearrange.

I didn't mean to hurt you
Or fill your life with strife
I only meant to love you
And bring joy to your life.

I only meant to share my self
Like I'd never shared before
You said it meant the world to you
Until you slammed the door.

And here I am and there you are
On opposite sides of the door
And I'm alone and you're alone
Just like we were before.

And the world's a duller, dimmer place
The stars don't shine as bright
The sun at dawn feels so forlorn
And each night's an endless night.

Those velvet nights we dreamed together
Now seem so far away
Lying in your lover's arms
Until the break of day.

How we used to talk about everything
Make a joke of anything
Share the music that we loved
Sometimes, I'd even sing.

And the poetry that flowed from us
Like a fountain from our souls!
I thought we shared our hearts and minds
I thought we shared our goals!!

But my goals were not your goals, it seems
You chose another path
A path that I could not walk with you
And it tore my heart in half.

That 'once in a lifetime' 'forever and always'
It was not meant to be
That one soul split in two and then
'We' became 'you' and 'me.'

But my arms still miss you in them
My lips still crave your kiss
My body burns for your tender touch
And your love, I'll always miss.

I wonder if you think of me
And remember how it was
Those things I said and did for you
And gave you, just because.

I wonder if you say my name
Sometimes in your sleep
Hold to me there in your dreams
That pull you down so deep.

I wonder if you feel me
Touching you sometime
Running my hands over you
Driving you out of your mind.

I wonder, how I wonder
If anything with us was real
Or if it was a spell that we were under
That made us feel the things we'd feel.

I couldn't be sure, I could never be sure
If what we had would last
Now the future that I dreamed with you
Is laying buried in the past.

Still alive, but just a ghost
A mirage that shimmers there
On a place that once was lush and green
Now a desert, dry and bare.

And all we have are memories
And words and poems and songs
That we can't bear to hear again
Now those right things turned to wrongs.

How fast can love turn into war
How quick the heart can shatter
How soon we grab what matters not
And let go the things that matter.

But in the midnight's lonely hours
When my mind is full of thunder
My heart tells my mind to be quiet
And it's then I lay and wonder.

And it's then I wish we could go back
To the way it was before
But neither of us seem to have the key
To that locked door anymore.

I wonder if you think of me
I wonder if you care
I wonder if you know my heart
Is always with you there.

I wonder..........................

©By Voo Shining Stone
spur of the moment write
July 21, 2020
12:53 a.m.