The Man Who Was Afraid of Love

The Man

 Who Was Afraid Of Love

I loved a man who was afraid of love

Afraid to let me see inside his heart

Afraid to let me know his inner soul,

Who ended love's attempts before it's start.

I laid my treasures bare before this man

My body, heart and soul, I let him see

I made a secret world where he'd feel safe

But he would never show his soul to me.

He said he could express himself in poetry

But his poetry never gave me much insight

Just question after question after question

And never one true answer came to light.

I tried to see the little boy inside him

I tried to find the hidden man within

I tried to plumb the depths there in his darkness

But in those murky depths I couldn't swim.

I made him laugh, at least I tried

I tried my very best

All my life, I've been known as a funny girl

But he couldn't see my funny side, I guess.

I don't know what more I could have done

For I did try just almost every thing

Gifts and poems and songs and smiles I gave him

Trying to raise a smile and make him sing.

But he would never let me in

Though his heart pleaded for love

And I sought help to help me help

From man and God above.

No answer would he give my questions

No matter how innocent

Vague or banal, no answer at all

I wasted the breath I spent.

Years I knew this mysterious man!

Knew his walk, the way he kissed

The shape of his head, when he went to bed

But I really don't think he exists.

He's a fantasy I made up

From the fantasies he fed me

He couldn't feel and they were not real

(At least in the ways he led me.)

He never asked me what I thought

Just bland generalities

Ignored my interest in his friends and life

And his ghostly family.

While I rambled on and on about mine

Told him stories of my youth

My past, my present, my future dreams

But from him,  got little truth.

No single promise did he fulfill

However trivial or deep

He gave me hopes and expectations

But of those, he did not keep.

From daylight to darkness in the blink of an eye

His sweetness would turn into rage

Offended at this, offended at that

And ignoring my love on the page.

I never knew what would set him off

I never knew the right words to say

I walked on eggshells at the end of it all

While his darkness took my sunshine away.

"That man's afraid to love." they told me

"From a distance is the best he can do."

"He can love you in a poem or song,"

But he can Not love you."

And I tried so hard to understand

(For I'm afraid of love myself)

But not so afraid that I won't take a chance

And stop living a life, bereft.

God knows my heart, He knows my soul

He knows the love in me

He put that love in me, Himself

For all the world to see.

But the man I loved could not see love

Nor receive what he longed for

So self destructive, self sabotaging,

In love's face, slammed every door.

I see it all so clearly now

The masks and the charade

Making me think his love was real

In every game he played.

And when the game, could not maintain,

Cruel accusations flew

Blaming me for everything

Knowing none of them were true.

My heart's a walled up city now

To break in, no man would dare

I loved that man so afraid of love

But I no longer care.

©by Voo Shining Stone

Memory of our Love

 

The Man That Changed My Life

The Man That Changed My Life

People come and people go

In and out of  every life

Friends and lovers

Acquaintances

Sometimes a husband 

Or a wife.

If we are lucky, someone appears

Like no one else has ever been

And makes us forget all of the others

Be they lover, mate or friend.

And when they come into our lives

They fill a void that's always there

From our day of birth until our death

That can't be filled by another's care.

I do not pretend to understand that

I guess God decided and made it thus

So all our lives we look for something

To fill that hole inside of us.

And I, like you, have searched forever

For things or people to set us free

And never found the thing we needed

Till we found it in you and me.

And oh, the things that you taught me!

Found talents hidden in my soul

You dug them out and polished them

And made them shine just like pure gold!

And I found in you what had been lost

Things so precious and so rare

Things no one else knew existed

But things that flourished in my care.

You changed my life and I hope

That I changed yours in some small way

You're now a part of my little heart

And there in my night and in my day.

So funny, funny are you to me

You make me smile and laugh out loud

You bring me joy when I least expect it

You are my sun in every cloud.

My other self I didn't know

Until I saw me in your eyes

And you saw you inside of mine

Much to your hard fought surprise.

You take the place of a thousand people

Who enter and leave quietly

Within the confines of my life

But none mean what you mean to me.

Wherever you end up, my love

Wherever on this earth you go

Remember I am always there 

Remember too, I need you so.

And in my heart, I recognize

Even if you can't yourself

That I've changed you by excativating

The treasures in your hidden depths.

Things that make you who you are

But more the man that you can be

A lover, a warrior, a man of God

When I look at you, that's what I see.

©By Voo

July 29, 2019

11:53 p.m.