AND I SEZ, BABY

And I Sez, Baby…………….

So I’m settin’ in ma pickup truck

Tha fancy new ‘un I picked up last Sundy

Off an unattended lot

Eatin’ a hot Mary Calendar’s Turkey Pot Pie

Fresh outta tha microwave

That I done run a long cord from to the carport

Of a house that’s dark

Cause the owners done gone to town fer a bit

And my taste buds are a lovin’ it

And I’m a lookin’ for the salt shaker

Shaped like a crowin’ rooster

When I looks over at my baby

And I sez, Baby, what say we hit tha road

And ease on down to N’awlins

And go dancin’ on Burbon Street

And git our fortunes tole?
I thank I see us a gas can a'settin' over thar
By tha shed. I betcha it's full.

Whatchoo say, Baby?

And Baby, she sez,

(Stretched out somewheres

Between tha seat and tha steering wheel

With her feet out tha window

And her long red hair almost in my pie,

She’s a swattin’ mosquitoes

And wrigglin like a crawdad in a crawdad hole)

And she sez: Now, Rascal.……

We don’t have ta go nowheres like Burbon Street

To do no dancin’

Y’know we gots a whole bottle a’ Jim Beam

Up under tha seat……..

And I kin tell ya right now whut your fortune is

And that is that, you ain’t got no fortune

Cause you done spent it all

On that stupid Mar-ee Call-an-dar Pot Pie

Back yonder at that grocery store!

And she sets up and puts her face out tha winder

And turns her back to me and sighs

And I go on and finish my store bought pie

And takes me a big drank a’ grape Kool-aid

(That we done made in a Ziplock bag)

I wipes my mouth with tha back of my hand,

Throw tha pie carton and tha spork out in tha bushes

And I taps her on tha shoulder and I sez:

Hell, Baby, what you want from me?

Don’t I provide you with a roof and a shelter?

Don’t I steal or kill enough fer us to eat on

When we’s hongry?

Don’t I love you enough fer twelve men?

Don’t I sing you to sleep ever night

And keep tha mosquitoes off ye part of tha time?

Don’t I give you back massages while you drive?

Don’t I take ya places and show ya thangs

And give ya an excitin’ life?

What more do you want from me, woman?

I mean…… Hell Far, Baby!

And she’s quiet-like fer a spell

So I go on and pull tha lectrical cord

Out the outlet and roll it up and put it away

And put tha Kool-aid in tha ice chest

With tha orange popsicles and tha cheese and baloney

(Dadgum, a man gits tired a cheese and baloney all tha time!

Sometimes he wants a good hot dinner

Like Turkey Pot Pie er somethin, for cryin’ out loud!)

I make sure no body’s lookin’ and I hightail it across tha road

And swipe that red gas can which turns out ta be full

And I put it under tha tarp with tha microwave

And tha television and various and sundry other necessities

And gits back in tha truck.

Let’s git on outta here while tha gittin’s good, I sez

And she starts tha truck and we vamoose down that dirt road

Doin’ forty mile a hour till we hit tha county line

And kin breathe a little easier…………

Finally, she slows down and turns ta me and sez:

Look, Rascal, look, lord knows I love ye and everthang

But sakes alive, man, I’m a grown woman and I have needs!

I needs me a nest and a place ta call mine and everthang

I can’t be a livin’ in no ole truck tha rest of my life!

You hear what I’m sayin?

And I nod ma head and look out tha winder

And I sez: Yeah, I hear ya, girl, I hear ya

I just don’t know whut to tell ya right now

Seeing as how I am financially humiliated at tha moment

And ain’t got no fortune as you has already pointed out ta me

Just as clear and plain as tha nose on my face,

But I promise ya, I will find a way ta work thangs out

Just as soon as I kin find a way ta work thangs out!

Meantime, let’s us just head on down ta Louisiana

And see what the Good Lord has in store fer us thar

And I will see whut me and Him can come up with. Alright?

And she sez, Alright and we head on down tha road.

She drives all night while I sleep

And then tha next day I sleep all day while she drives

And between tha two of us

We gits all tha way down into Cajun country

Where we stop and hunt craw fish and squirrel and camp out and barbecue

And have us a dandy high ole time

Dancing to Zydeco music on tha radio

And drankin’ Jim Beam and grape Kool-Aid

(But not together, lordy, no, not together!)

And I look at her a smilin’ in tha sunshine

And gettin’ tipsy on Beam

And I gits me an idea.

Tha next three days I let her sleep

While I drive

(Which I don’t like to do

Cause I ain’t got no driver’s license)

(And no permit, neither)

But I figure nobody does down in tha bayou country

Lord only knows. I don’t know

But I keeps my eyes open and my head clear

And I prays fer guidance…………….

Bright and early on Thursday mornin’

Baby wakes up cause she been real tired

From our big night on tha town

And she stretches and yawns

Like a yeller cat a wakin’ in tha sunlight

And she looks around and she looks around

And rubs her purty eyes and frowns

And she sez: Rascal, where are we?!

And I’m a standin’ there by tha side of tha bed

Just a smilin’ and a grinnin’

Happy as a hound dog with supper up a tree

And I look down at her

And I sez: Welcome home, Baby Bird

I done got you a permanent nest!!

And she’s so excited and happy

And takes off a runnin’ round tha whole house

Lookin’ into thangs and openin’ doors

And a squealin and a hollerin’ to beat all heck

Then she goes to tha kitchen

And looks at tha sink full a dirty dishes

And looks in tha closet full a ball caps and overalls

And sees Pabst Blue Ribbon beer cans

Throwed up all behind tha couch

And a autographed picture of Doug Kershaw

Up on tha wall over tha tv set

And she comes over and stands thar, hands on her hips

Lookin’ at me like she ain’t never seen me before

And she sez: Rascal, whut in tha Sam Hill have you done?!

I got you a home, Baby! I stammer out, all bumfuzzled

My lips a’ quiverin’ like a little ole baby’s

I made all yore dreams come true

Just like you asked me ta do! I done done it!

Me and you’s can settle down now

And have ourselves that big famly yur hankerin’ fer

And we can do all tha thangs you said you wanted ta do

But right now, Baby, we gots to go………

Y’all git on back in tha bed now

And I’ll take care a everthang, you’ll see!

And I tucks her in and tells her ta hush

And I go outside and close tha door

And gits in ma truck that is hitched up to tha trailer house

And I pull us off tha shady creek bank

And out up onto tha highway a headin’ back towards Arkansas.

And that is how

I ended up a deevorced man

Wanted only by the po-lice

With no wife and no future

Just a pickup truck full a microwaves and television sets,

Three ice chests full of Mary Calendar’s pies,
A hound dog I picked up somewheres ta keep me compny
And a fairly nice trailer house full a somebody 
Else's stuff

That I had hitched up to tha back of tha pickup

Down in Louisiana, just this side of N’awlins
'Bout six month ago in tha middle of tha night

Right after I had took my baby to Burbon Street
And let her git her fortune tole…….

Ain’t no need fer me ta tell you fellers

That that thar fortune from that ole fortune teller

With her shiny gold tooth and her big empty hand

Was not no where in my favor

No siree.

Dadgummit!!

Hell Far and Damnation!!!!

©by Voo

Dec 9, 2012

8:06 p.m.

Chris Stapleton - Tennessee Whiskey (Audio)

AND A CANDLE BURNS AT MIDNIGHT

And a Candle Burns At Midnight

And a candle burns at midnight as she pours a glass of wine
Watching westward from the window, praying Heaven for a sign
All the letters go unanswered and her calls are not returned
And her heart is slowly breaking, hating him still as she yearns.

Now the rain is gently falling, now the thunder’s rolling in
And she wonders where he’s at now as she’d wondered where he’d been
All the late night window watching, all the late night candle light
Drinking white wine, longing for him, in the middle of the night.

Lightning strikes and hits the hillside, hits the branches of a tree
The clock chimes another hour as her prayers turn to pleas
Thunder roars and fills the white house with it’s noisy rumbling slam
And the rain blows in the window but she doesn’t give a damn.

Raindrops running down her face then like the teardrops from her eyes
Like he’s touching her with his fingers and she stands there and she sighs
Just imagining his strong hands and the kisses he bestowed
Till the night that he stopped kissing for no reason that she knows.

Coming in sometimes at daybreak with the smell of strange perfume
Bringing nothing but his thunder and his pain into the room
Giving none of what he gave her when the white house first went up
Burning candles by the hours, drinking white wine by the cup.

Making endless, mindless love so achingly so sweet and good
Hardly making time for breathing, barely taking time for food
Then one night she waited for him by the window all night long
And when he came, was not the same and the white house wasn’t home.

He left at midnight in a rainfall that turned to hurricane strength gale
Took her sweet heart, took her heaven and left her in the arms of hell
And the months have passed so slowly yet she still loves and she yearns
Drinking white wine at the window while the midnight candle burns.

©by Voo
Jan 25, 2005

midnight

THE GREEN GREEN DREAM OF THE GUITAR an urban swamp legend that I created

Junkyard Blues by Rat Rod

slide guitar Cajun music

play while reading

                 

The Green Green Dream of the Guitar

       

So I'm driving down this lost highway

In my decades-old black car

With my suitcase sharing the back seat space

With my treasured green guitar

A map opened to Louisiana

On the floor there at my right

As I thought about the strange phone call

That awoke me around midnight

A paying gig, a three night stand

And the pay was really good

They wondered if I could come and play

And I said I thought I could

The bills were high and my rent was due

And the boss had let me go

There was no need to let me stay

For there was no work, you know?

So I packed my bags and I headed south

Though my heart was full of strife

Excited by the prospects looming

Because music was my life!

Playing since the age of ten

I dreamed of going far

But all I'd gained in fifteen years

Was this car and that guitar

And the guitar was a beauty

Shiny silky green so fine

And the sound that came from the two of us

Could blow a grown man's mind

I didn't have a manager

I couldn't afford P. R.

I got my gigs by word of mouth

As I chased that silver star

So, who had called, I didn't know

Truth told, I didn't care

Some tiny bar in the deep deep south

Was waiting for me there

Cold beer and pretty women

Danced cross my poor boy's mind

And I trembled, thinking about it all

And wondering what I'd find

Along 'bout noon on a lonely road

With no cars or bars in sight

I put down the top, pulled out the map

To see if I'd read it right

The air was crisp, the sky was blue

There was honey on the wind

And a kind of feeling came over me

Like I'd been caressed by sin

Alarmed, I turned the ignition key

But the car, it wouldn't start

And no matter how I cursed or prayed

There was no life in her heart

So I grabbed my guitar from the back seat

And headed down the road

Took the fork that turned to left

Though my soul cried to forebode

I walked for what then seemed like days

But I knew that couldn't be

Down roads and paths and country lanes

Following something I couldn't see

Through fields so green, they hurt my eyes

Past creeks and brooks and streams

All colored like bright emerald jewels

Found only in your dreams

Somewhere off there in the distance

I heard a woman's voice

Singing tender lullabies

And I went, I had no choice

And as I walked, played my guitar

To that melody so sweet

That put a wildness in my blood

And dancing in my feet

I followed till the sun went down

Into that dark green west

Into a forest of whispering trees

With longing in my breast

And then the song came to an end

And I heard a lover's sighs

And there she sat and there I fell

With beauty in my eyes

Up in a tree, like fairies do

A girl so pure and rare

Sat on a limb just looking down

While my heart stopped to stare

"I waited for you." is all she said

As I rushed toward the tree

But she put out her hand and said

"Play your green guitar for me."

And as I played, I fell in love

Looking at her light

Playing as the sun sank low

With promise of the night

She sang to me of long ago

Of passion and of fire

And as she sang, my heart became

Filled with her desire.

"Come!" she shouted and laughing, fled

Jumping to the ground

And off she ran through lush green grass

And her footsteps made no sound

I followed, calling, "Wait for me!"

But her feet, they would not slow

And she took me deeper into the dark

To a place I did not know

To marshes and to swamp lands

To thick and foreign vines

To roots of old, like living things

With mouths and eyes and minds

To bird and tree and flower

Like none I'd ever seen

To a realm of song and nightmare

In a world of emerald green

And as the darkness grew, I felt

Her touch upon my arm

"Fear not," she softly said to me

"I will not do you harm."

Her essence, candles in the dark,

Her smile, the moon above,

Her lips like honey in the comb,

Her eyes like liquid love

With urgency I've never felt

With hunger like a knife

I grabbed her up in arms of steel

Like a dead man would his life

Kisses sweet as morning rain

I poured upon her lips

Thirsting for the taste of love

That till then, I'd only sips

And I fell in rapture, falling

Through a haze and maze of thought

Love chased me down forbidden roads

And I knew that I'd been caught

My fingers in her long dark hair,

My mouth against her skin,

I knew if this was love and war

That surely, she would win

Then through the gnarled and ancient trees

I heard a growling roar

And when I opened up my eyes

My love was there no more

My green guitar could not be found

As frantically I searched

Wondering if her father'd seen

Her purity besmirched.

I tried to find a path to walk

As night fell harder still

Feeling I had lost my heart

And worse than that, my will

The quiet was shattered by the sounds

Of crow and frog and beast

Gleaming green now in the bog

And suddenly they ceased

I stood in silence, waiting then

For my love to appear

Waiting to feel that rush of joy

But finding only fear

"Where are you?" I called to her

"I cannot see the path."

And in the distance I heard her sigh

And then I heard her laugh

"Come, my love!" she beckoned me

And I stumbled toward the sound

Falling in the deep dark water

And through the night, and down

Awful things with shining eyes

They brushed against my face

Caught me in their cold dead arms

And held me in that place

Then up I went and fought and sought

The air, the sky, the light

Peering through the greenish glow

To see the hellish sight

My love, a thing not of this world

Without her lovely charms

Holding my sweet green guitar

In her green ghoulish arms

She smiled with razored teeth and laughed

Holding up her prize

Looked at me struggling in the swamp

With no light in her eyes

I do not know what happened next

For my knees and mind went weak

And to this day, I do not know

And the truth I will not seek

I found myself back in my car

On the highway going south

With a mighty hole torn in my soul

And a bad taste in my mouth

I shook for hours, I could not stop

Till I pulled into the bar

Where no one had ever heard of me

Or my missing green guitar

© by Voo Shining Stone

May 5, 2010

Dead Man theme song

by Neil Young
goes really well with this story.....

Cadillac in the Swamp

by Smokehouse