Knocking Down the Walls
When I was born,
They didn't know what to do with me
I wasn't an ordinary kid
I liked the extraordinary, the different, the bizarre
I needed things they didn't know how to give me
And yet they loved me with all of their hearts.
As I grew older, I began to explore
The universe within my self,
The universe outside my self
The universe beyond myself.
I didn't know where I fit in
Or how to fit in, or if I fit in,
Or if I ever would fit in
And so I stopped trying to fit in
And I became myself.
The teen aged years were.....
Shall I say, unhinged?
I was a door that didn't know if
I wanted to be open or shut
So I just kind of hung there halfway open,
Halfway shut, half way longing to know
What I didn't know and halfway hoping
That I would never find out.
Because it was a lonely place
Populated by one
Though one with an imaginary community
Of millions, billions, even.........
Of wonderful, awful, fantastic entities
Ambling through my mind
On their way to some place else.
Most of the time, I felt broken
And broken in a way that no earthly doctor
A Borg-like creature from another dimension
With a mechanical brain
And hands that could not touch,
But a human heart that felt oh, so much.
My room, my house, my school, my town
Felt small to me and hardly welcoming
A place to exist while I went searching
For the place that felt like home.
I knew too much
And yet never enough
For there was a hunger in me
That nothing could satisfy
And nothing could fulfill
The walls were always so close
I could reach out my hands in the dark
And touch them, touch the ceiling
Touch my own thoughts
As they echoed back and forth to me
In the box that was my life.
But then one day
I learned a secret
And not just any secret
But the secret to me
And what I was and what I would become
And what I would always want to be.
I stood up there one night in the dark
And I took an invisible hammer
And I began to knock down the walls
That held me in, that held me back
And I began to see what I could not see before
Because it was invisible to unseeing eyes
And hidden from unknowing minds.
I began to hammer away at the tangible
Until I broke through to the intangible
And uncovered the unseen, un-tasted world
That was there all the time beyond a veil
Of thinnest silk, on the other side of my soul.
And I became
And I became
And I became......me
Out of the box, out of the four walls of a room
Full of emptiness.
And to my wondering eyes, I beheld
Others there like me, others there that had been
Searching all of their lives
For someone to tell them who they were
And why they were and where they were going
And why they were like they were
Some one like me.
And I began to tell them what I knew
And they began to answer questions
I had never asked
But needed desperately to know
And it was wonderful...........
It was the beginning of a new day
And a new world..........
And I flung the door wide open at last
And I walked in.
For my very good old and new friend, J
May 13, 2017
Orange Sky by Alexi Murdoch