Storm on the Tip of My Finger

STorm On THe TiP oF My FInGeR

Rage flashed through me like a river overflowing it's bounds

The rage of life that sometimes takes me when I least expect it

The rage of love that carries me away like an unmoored boat on a defiant tide

And breaks me there upon the rocks, mercilessly pounding and pounding

Until I disintegrate into shards of heart and mind and soul

It caught me just now and blew me away with it's ferociousness

I wanted to hate something but I didn't know what to hate

I wanted to kill something but I didn't know what to kill

I wanted to love somebody but I didn't have anybody to love

I never felt so alone.

For some crazy reason, I flashed back to Christmas time

And the wreaths that hung upon the door and the holly in the window

And the carols filling the kitchen air like the flour from the cookie dough

The soft, sweet smell of pine tree wafting through my impatient dreams

As I slept, one eye open, for the first crack of sunlight to beckon me down to paradise.

Then I found out there was no such thing as Santa

 And I haven't trusted a damn thing anybody's ever told me since! 

There wasn't any Easter Bunny either and no Tooth Fairy and no Thanksgiving Turkey

(Well, there was a thanksgiving turkey but everything else was a pack of lies!)

I get so tired of being lied to. Don't people get tired of lying?

That girl promised me we'd be together and love each other and hold each other

In the midst of the baddest storms and nothing could ever change that

And nothing did. 

She just stopped loving me and walked away. And what could I say?

Oh, I see! It's Christmas time all over again, right?

 Just another myth and fable to fill up the hearts of the innocent 

To make them feel special and not forgotten

It was a Lie!

And now this lie that makes all other lies pale in comparison! 

The ultimate lie. The lie of love

But no matter, I'm over it. It's done. Finished.

 Everything's all under control now. Calm.

But the rage came again today and covered me in memories and mistletoe

 And kisses in the snow

I wish it'd let me go. Just let me go for as I type this, 

I feel a storm beginning in my fingertip and I

Try to hold it back but all I really want to do is point it at the world

 And burn it down like it's burned me down for years

 The storm rages on and I let it lead me and I follow

 I don't know where it's taking me but I'm going. 

Maybe I'll just put it in your face 

And let you feel the terror I feel now that I am alone And unloved.

 Maybe that's all I'll do.

 Just put that bad boy in your face and say "See! See what you did!"

Then I'll walk away and keep walking till the rage runs out and I feel ok again

 And I'll go home and sit down

And be myself until the next time that I think of you or Santa or the Tooth Fairy 

And how I fell for all that......

I don't know. The rage knows. The finger knows.

 The finger with the storm brewing in it's tip. Lightning flashing 

Like a hurricane on the ocean. But it's just emotion.

 And It doesn't hurt anyone but me.

Sept 15, 05 

3 a.m. 

©by Voo

for Mark