The Man Who Was Afraid of Love

The Man

 Who Was Afraid Of Love

I loved a man who was afraid of love

Afraid to let me see inside his heart

Afraid to let me know his inner soul,

Who ended love's attempts before it's start.

I laid my treasures bare before this man

My body, heart and soul, I let him see

I made a secret world where he'd feel safe

But he would never show his soul to me.

He said he could express himself in poetry

But his poetry never gave me much insight

Just question after question after question

And never one true answer came to light.

I tried to see the little boy inside him

I tried to find the hidden man within

I tried to plumb the depths there in his darkness

But in those murky depths I couldn't swim.

I made him laugh, at least I tried

I tried my very best

All my life, I've been known as a funny girl

But he couldn't see my funny side, I guess.

I don't know what more I could have done

For I did try just almost every thing

Gifts and poems and songs and smiles I gave him

Trying to raise a smile and make him sing.

But he would never let me in

Though his heart pleaded for love

And I sought help to help me help

From man and God above.

No answer would he give my questions

No matter how innocent

Vague or banal, no answer at all

I wasted the breath I spent.

Years I knew this mysterious man!

Knew his walk, the way he kissed

The shape of his head, when he went to bed

But I really don't think he exists.

He's a fantasy I made up

From the fantasies he fed me

He couldn't feel and they were not real

(At least in the ways he led me.)

He never asked me what I thought

Just bland generalities

Ignored my interest in his friends and life

And his ghostly family.

While I rambled on and on about mine

Told him stories of my youth

My past, my present, my future dreams

But from him,  got little truth.

No single promise did he fulfill

However trivial or deep

He gave me hopes and expectations

But of those, he did not keep.

From daylight to darkness in the blink of an eye

His sweetness would turn into rage

Offended at this, offended at that

And ignoring my love on the page.

I never knew what would set him off

I never knew the right words to say

I walked on eggshells at the end of it all

While his darkness took my sunshine away.

"That man's afraid to love." they told me

"From a distance is the best he can do."

"He can love you in a poem or song,"

But he can Not love you."

And I tried so hard to understand

(For I'm afraid of love myself)

But not so afraid that I won't take a chance

And stop living a life, bereft.

God knows my heart, He knows my soul

He knows the love in me

He put that love in me, Himself

For all the world to see.

But the man I loved could not see love

Nor receive what he longed for

So self destructive, self sabotaging,

In love's face, slammed every door.

I see it all so clearly now

The masks and the charade

Making me think his love was real

In every game he played.

And when the game, could not maintain,

Cruel accusations flew

Blaming me for everything

Knowing none of them were true.

My heart's a walled up city now

To break in, no man would dare

I loved that man so afraid of love

But I no longer care.

©by Voo Shining Stone

Memory of our Love

 

The Man That Changed My Life

The Man That Changed My Life

People come and people go

In and out of  every life

Friends and lovers

Acquaintances

Sometimes a husband 

Or a wife.

If we are lucky, someone appears

Like no one else has ever been

And makes us forget all of the others

Be they lover, mate or friend.

And when they come into our lives

They fill a void that's always there

From our day of birth until our death

That can't be filled by another's care.

I do not pretend to understand that

I guess God decided and made it thus

So all our lives we look for something

To fill that hole inside of us.

And I, like you, have searched forever

For things or people to set us free

And never found the thing we needed

Till we found it in you and me.

And oh, the things that you taught me!

Found talents hidden in my soul

You dug them out and polished them

And made them shine just like pure gold!

And I found in you what had been lost

Things so precious and so rare

Things no one else knew existed

But things that flourished in my care.

You changed my life and I hope

That I changed yours in some small way

You're now a part of my little heart

And there in my night and in my day.

So funny, funny are you to me

You make me smile and laugh out loud

You bring me joy when I least expect it

You are my sun in every cloud.

My other self I didn't know

Until I saw me in your eyes

And you saw you inside of mine

Much to your hard fought surprise.

You take the place of a thousand people

Who enter and leave quietly

Within the confines of my life

But none mean what you mean to me.

Wherever you end up, my love

Wherever on this earth you go

Remember I am always there 

Remember too, I need you so.

And in my heart, I recognize

Even if you can't yourself

That I've changed you by excativating

The treasures in your hidden depths.

Things that make you who you are

But more the man that you can be

A lover, a warrior, a man of God

When I look at you, that's what I see.

©By Voo

July 29, 2019

11:53 p.m.

Always The Rain

 

Always The Rain

I was the fire

He was the rain

I was the pleasure

He was the pain

I was the joy

He was the woe

I was the yes

He was the no

I was the sweet

He was the tart

I was the whole

He tore apart

I was the sun

He was the moon

I was the bright

He was the gloom

I was the dance

He was the dirge

I was the giver

(He didn't splurge)

I was the teacher

Life did employ

He was the child

I was the toy

I was the hopeful

He, hope disdained

I opened doors

He slammed again

I gave him love

He took and ran

Enticed me back

Hurt me again

I was the passion

Blazing upward like flame

I was always the fire

But he was ever the rain.

©by Voo Shining Stone

11/2020

Like People In Paintings

soundtrack

Like People In Paintings

Like people in paintings, we sat

Staring ahead, not moving,

Not speaking, not looking around,

Feeling neither alive nor dead,

Just sitting in silence

As our hearts broke in half.

Nobody took our pictures

With cameras they loved

Or painted our portrait

With strokes of a brush

Expressed us in oils

Or faded pastels.

Nobody even noticed us

As we sat there breathing

That hard wooden bench,

That unclouded sky

Nobody frowned, nobody smiled

Nobody cared except you and I.

And yet, the time had come for us

To leave behind

The warmth of embrace,

The joy of  life,

The sweetness of kiss,

The beauty of love.

Still as statues, we sat

Shaded by branches

In the gold of the day

Not touching, but almost

So much needing saying

But too frightened to say.

Like people of an ancient time

(For lovers never change)

On history's pages,

They love and laugh

And hurt and cry

And it always, ever, will be.

You and I, saying goodbye

While holding onto yesterday,

Drifting into shadows

With sunlight in our face

You and I, sitting together 

Though a million miles apart.

What is it that rips the soul to shreds

When two bodies become one?

What is it in a man

That gives and takes away?

And what is it in a woman's heart

That will try to make him stay?

Love.... the terror,

The paradise,

The curse, the blessing,

The wound that kills

That leaves you bleeding

And never heals.

The masters painted it,

The composers wrote it,

The singers sang it,

The musicians played it

Yet no one, no one

Has held it in their hands for very long.

Like people in paintings,

Now we posed

With tears upon our cheeks,

Sighing like willows in the wind

But unlike people, hanging, framed,

We stood at last in silence and walked away.

©by Voo Shining Stone

Nov 19, 2020

4:07 a.m.

And Still It Rains

      

    play together......
               

  

And Still It Rains


Midnight

And it is raining
Again
The night is quiet, 
The streets are quiet
Except for 
The dew of Heaven
Except for the beating
Of my heart
And the sounds of my breathing.

I have been dreaming of you 
Again
Dreaming the forbidden
The passion and desire
That lives only in my dreams
Now.

I still feel your lips upon mine,
The sweetness I crave,
The mouth that claims me
As it's own
The mouth I give myself 
To.

I lick the taste of you
Off my fingers
Like chocolate
And honey
And my taste buds
Cry out in ecstasy.

But you're not really here
Are you?
You are in the realm of sleep
Where you await in lucid dreams
And fantasy.

So why do I
Hear you in the raindrops?
Feel you in the wind's caress?
Touch you in the flesh
When I close my eyes?

You are here
Aren't you?
I just can't see you
With my eyes open,
Only closed, only closed.

It's then I can love you
As you love me
Kiss you
As you kiss me
Touch you
As you touch me.

I need you
Like a garden
Needs rain
Like a desert
Needs a flood.

I am parched for you
My monsoon
I am hungry for you
My banquet
Thirsty for you
My hurricane.

Let me feel
Your waterfall
Drench me
In this midnight
Let me feel you
Fall into me
With every drop of rain.

For the rain is you
And the rain is me
Falling into one another
Like silver
Like gold
Like love.

Listen!
Do you hear that?
It is our hearts 
Communing
Calling out to one another
In the night..........
Beseeching and taunting
And teasing with promises.

Our hearts call
Unbidden by our minds
For our minds are afraid
And shy and inhibited 
By our schooling.

But our hearts know
No boundaries, no laws,
No teaching.....
Other than what they teach us
Themselves.

Our hearts
Cannot be tamed
Or imprisoned
Or contained in any way
Because they are wild 
And free.

And only they.......
Know how to access the realm
Where you and I meet
Know where the doors are........
The locks.....where the keys are hidden
And know how to turn them.

This is the secret
That very few know
But we know
Don't we?

And when it rains,
We run there happily
Like children who are innocent,
Yet wise
And we play in the rain
And we love with abandon
And joy.

And tonight, my love
We have met once again
We have reveled in desire
And bathed in bliss
Given ourselves to passion
And taken only 
What we could carry in our hands.

For though we are selfish
And we need more and more,
We know that longing for something
Only makes it sweeter,
Only makes it more cherished.

And having said that,
My heart is still hungry,
My mouth is still thirsty,
My arms empty and reaching
My body cries out for another hurricane
And still it rains.

©by Voo
Jan 23, 2019
1:27 a.m.

OSIYO

OSIYO, (HELLO) SYNALEI OSTU     (GOOD MORNING)

OTAHITSU

(HOW ARE YOU?)

I AM OF THE CHEROKEE TRIBE

NVDA DINIYOLI

(THE CHILDREN OF THE SUN)

 

Scenes From Don Juan DeMarco

Song:

 Have You Ever Really Loved a Woman?

 

 

Craving

 

Craving


Craving love or something close to it
We ran laughing to the forest
Away from chiding eyes

Blending ourselves into tall grasses
Underneath friendly trees
We fell hard as stone into an embrace

Nothing mattered once we were entwined
Nothing could pull us apart or make us afraid
Not even angry elders

The grass feels cold and damp
But we revel in it's touch
On our fevered fingers

We throw off our buckskins
And cover one another
With the blankets of our love

How beautiful you are, I think
How young and strong and bronzed
Like the deer that scampers past us

You put a flower behind my ear
And caress my face with a gentle hand
Your eyes beckoning me to fall inside

I am so hungry but not for food
I am so thirsty but not for water
I am almost mad with the wildness

I always knew you were mine
Even as a little girl, I knew
No other warrior could ever turn my head

I followed you like your shadow
And we took chances
That only fools would ponder

Your father would look at me
And then at you and shake his head
Then smile behind his hand, chuckling

My father would only shake his head
And sigh and let out angry groans
While my mother scolded me and kept the peace

So many times we almost went too far
But we held back and prayed for strength
And went there in our hearts

Then came the day we wedded
And we were joined with many blessings
And sighs of sweet relief

We were like young wolves chasing prey then
We had caught one another at last
And didn't know what we should do in the catching

But soon we knew exactly what to do
In the absence of prying eyes and teasing smiles
We knew. We knew.

And when the craving came looking
We did not hide from it nor deny it's pull
We let it take us to the forest

And we wild'd away the thunder
And the lightning of each storm
And lay besotted in arms that belonged to only us

You smile at me and raise an eyebrow
And I smile back and pull you again, near
Near this heaven that your love has made here

Craving you in the whisper of the wind
The mystery of the full moon
The sweetness of a summer rain

We love until we are emptied of hunger
And filled up again with rapture
We lie down in desperation and rise up in joy

But always craving.............
                   ...............always craving

And that is good. 

Raptor by John Trudell

©by Voo

Jan 18, 2018

5:02 a.m.

Take Me There

 

Are You Lonesome Tonight

ORPHAN repost

Orphan

Outside looking in, I stand

Like an orphan at a window

Gazing in at happy scenes

And families 'round the room.

Is there no one to look out at me

At my little lonely face?

Why is my smile un-welcomed

And my hand untouched and shunned?

Though years have passed and I’m now grown

I’m still outside that window

Still an orphan looking in

Still waiting to belong.

I feel like a bit player

In the movie of my life

With someone else in the starring role

While I’m standing in the background.

I’m a footnote in a dusty book

With my name upon the cover,

An unsung song, a passing thought

And a poet under ground.

Not all artists find fame at death

(Nor do I want to be known then)

If I cannot know the taste of love

While I walk upon this world.

I only want a taste of it

A little taste

A little light shining in the window

When I get to my home.

A little touch upon my back

When I am tired

A little crumb of the bread of love

In this famine that is my life.

A family,

A love to love

A face to call my friend

That’s all, that’s all, that’s all I ask.

My well has run dry and my soul is in drought

I have given much out and received little back

I am dry, I am dry, Lord, I am so dry

Like the Sahara in the summer.

I have suffered for my art

And now my art has become my fortress

I am a book that no one reads

And nobody understands.

The wallflower standing at the back of the room

While the dancers feel the music

Invisible and un-noticed

Like the paisley on the walls.

The third wheel, an unwanted guest,

The object to maneuver around

With no one bothering to wonder and see

If the object should have a soul.

I have no birthdays to celebrate now

For all the people that knew I was born

Are gone

I’m just a number now and a unpaid bill to pay.

I was born an orphan

A foreign thing in a family full of strangers

Be  quiet! Hush! Get out of the way!

Why can’t you be like the others?

Did you not see

How badly I wanted to be like the others?

Mother, could you never hear

How desperate I was to be heard?

I have been quiet all my life

While crying and shouting and screaming inside

Like a butterfly too weak

To break out of it’s cocoon.

I am so tired of being invisible

So tired

So tired of waiting for the tide to turn

And the miracle that waits ’round the corner.

I was born in the wrong era, I guess

Two hundred years ago, I wouldn’t know

That the phone only rings

Because it’s a wrong number.

Two hundred years ago,

I wouldn’t wait and wonder

Why there wasn’t a letter

In the mail box for me.

I wouldn’t know

But now in ways, I can no longer count

My rejection, my un-needed-ness

Surrounds me like a fun house mirror.

I know I am written on the palm of my God

And someday I will know the love I do not know now

And someday I will be among the millions

And still be loved as if an only child.

But that is then and this is now

And now I want, I crave, I yearn, I burn, I need

A taste of that, that I can only just imagine

A little drop of rain on the desert of my heart.

A little taste

For this little orphan

Standing at the window watching

For someone to notice me.

©By Voo

April 14, 2011

11:14 p.m.

Invisible

My favorite song....A Place Called Love

by Johnny Reid