Who I Am

 

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Who I Am

You make me feel like I need to apologize

For being alive

For existing on your plane so different from mine

So far above, or below

I never quite know

I only know that when you look at me

You don’t even know who I am.

You make me feel like a sideshow freak

Standing there within a solitary floodlight

Under the scrutiny of your criticizing eyes

Listening for things that I have not said,

Looking for things that will never appear,

Hunting for things that will never be found

And unable to hear what my heart has just said.

What makes us so different, you and I?

I crave peace, and you need war

I love laughter and you like the thunder

Of your own voice

Always debating, always questioning,

Always arguing

Looking for offenses when I offer my wisdom.

Can you just not see what’s in front of your face?

How soft my touch is?

How sweet my smile?

How great is my love and how empty my heart?

I was born to care and I care so much

Yet I lie down with broken-ness

And I rise up with pain.

I am a child that has never known love

And yet it flows from me like a dammed up river

Looking for dry fields to water and nourish

I am father-less and mother-less,

Child-less and friend-less

An innocent in a cold, jaded world

Ever waiting with hopeful eyes and tears about to fall.

How I love beauty!

And books full of romance,

Elegance and grace and soft, tender words,

Poetry and art and the music of Heaven,

Family ’round the table and the silver of rain,

Hands reaching to heal, not pushing away,

The giggles of babies and the smiles of a friend.

I would give you the shirt off my back if you needed it

I would cook you the biggest banquet you ever saw

And go hungry myself

I would slave on my hands and my knees in hard labor

If it meant that you wanted for nothing

And you know that I would, for I have, and I can

For that is who I am.

One day you will come to me, for the joy of my humor,

For the warmth of my face, and the glow of my hearth

Ask for the gifts and the time always waiting,

Run to the comfort that I’ve offered in vain,

Call out my name in rooms full of your pictures

(My illusions of love)

But I will not be there.

Look at me!

See me

Listen to me, know me

For I am worth knowing

I will not apologize for who I am

For who I am

Has made you who you  truly are.

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©by Voo

November 30, 2009

3:02 a.m.
copyrighted