Against My Will

 

Against My Will

Lying here trying not to think,

I think of you against my will, against my want

As though bidden by some dark pulling

That cannot be broken by force.

I seem to feel your eyes

Looking for me in the moon's light

Raking across the ceiling of your room

Willing me to look for you.

But there's no me for you to find now

My form has gone where the broken go

To the valley of trampled hearts

And misdirected dreams.

I went unwillingly,

But of necessary need

For self preservation

And fear of unanswered questions.

Oh, I still feel you, still see you faintly

Maybe not with the usual five,

(Senses that all beings have)

But with a sixth sense unusually honed.

You see, I've never been ordinary, not really

That's what drew you to me,

Led you to me, made you love me,

Bound us in unexplainable, unbreakable chains.

You needed no enchantments for that,

No candles burning at midnight,

No murmured chants, no recitations from ancient books,

No magic at all or ever.

It was love that drew us,

Led us, found us, bound us

Encircled us with her hands

And threaded us together as one.

But it was love, as well,

That broke the threads, the binding,

The defining and entwining

And put out the candles glowing in the dark.

It was love that healed and love that cut

And love that lost it's way

And yet tonight in quietest quiet

Your heart still calls to mine.

Your need has no definition,

Your wanting burns as though unquenched,

Your desire screams without a voice,

As your arms hold to my memory.

I feel you, even now

Across the miles and marbled mountains

Tossing and turning like an ocean's wave

Drawing me to you willingly, as before....

And failing that, against my will.

And failing that, against my will.

©by Voo Shining Stone

9/19/2020