A THOUSAND WORDS

A Thousand Words

A thousand words

On twenty-five balled up pieces of paper later

I still have no idea how to say

What needs to be said

What should have been said

A hundred heartbreaks ago.

It 's just so hard

To find the words to properly convey

A tender farewell

A loving tone and a gentle goodbye

That will not wound

Someone already walking wounded.

I start and stop

Rewrite a refrain, revise an old rhyme

Throw in some honkey tonk lyrics

Soften it all with some bubblegum pop

And images of violins playing softly in the background.

I don't know why I bother

You would only sneer at the above stanza

It's heavy metal and anarchist beats you love

Punk rock so loud your eardrums bleed

And anything to do with pain. Especially mine.

See how my little hands shake?

I can hardly hold a pencil

I can barely see to write

My eyes are black, my soul is bruised

And I sit here trying not to hurt you.

If I could talk, I wouldn't

For that only makes you mad

Only makes you crazy..er than usual

When you walk through the door

Hell bent for hating and still needing love.

I don't know what happened to you

To make you be this way

To make you into a hollow man

But I've got to find a way to go

Before there's no me left.

I hear your footsteps now

Coming up the stairs

Hear you rehearsing new slurs

That you haven't used yet

Though their cold jagged points

 Have already hit home.

I hide the balls of paper

Underneath the bed

Throw the pencil into a drawer

Brush the tears from my cheeks

And turn up the corners of my mouth into a hideous smile

As you and your pain walk into the room.

A thousand words

Form in my brain

A thousand words stick on my tongue

I look at you and remember how you used to be

Before you let down your guard and took off your mask

You look so alone, so small and alone

But tomorrow, for sure, I'm writing that letter.

©by Voo

May 25, 08

1:58 a.m.

TIMING IS EVERYTHING

Timing is Everything

Silently, wordlessly.....

I walk behind you in the fog

And wait for you to pause

Long enough for me to catch up.

You stop and look furtively around

Jingling the coins in your pocket

And I see the frown you occasionally wear

When you think of me.

Seeing nothing in the mists,

You walk on, glancing up at the sky

And pulling the high coat collar

Tighter around your throat.

You stumble over a stone

And utter an undecipherable oath

That I can't quite hear

And it makes me smile.

"Where are you?!" you shout out loud

And kick the stone out into the darkness

"How much more must I endure?" you ask

And I recognize my moment and rush forward.

"I'm right here, mon cher." I whisper

And slip my cold hand into your pocket

And into the warmth of your fingers

As they grasp mine in fear and trembling.

You twirl underneath the dim street lamp

And clouds of fog circle around us and between us

You make motions to disperse the mist

And stand there in stark disbelief and indescribable joy.

"Is it you?" you ask, reaching to touch my face

"Is it really you?" "Tell me it's you and not a dream."

And I back away and look into those eyes

That I have dreamed of melting into for evermore and always.

"It's really me, love." I whisper softly

"Can a dream do this?" and I stroke your cheek with my finger tips

"And can a dream do that?" As I run my thumb over the outlines of your mouth

And leave it there upon your lips.

Time is suspended, stands still,

And we both wait to see if this is reality or fiction of the mind

Before we give in to the emotions that run rampant

Over, under, around and through us like mad things beyond control.

"There was a glitch in time." I say, 

"And I slipped through the veil when the time was right."

"Well, timing is everything." you murmur

And push a wayward curl behind my ear.

Somewhere in the distance 

A band begins to play in some elegant ballroom

And the music reaches our ears and swirls around us

And you bow and say, "May I have this dance, my Princess?"

I take your hand and the touch of it sends currents through me

Your arm around my back, and we waltz as if on clouds

I cannot take my eyes from yours as we melt into one another

Like warm honey spilling from an overturned bowl.

I hear you exhale and I exhale my own breath

Over your shoulder as my pulses run wild

Tighter you pull me and your grasp is like steel

Yet the pain is delicious because I know you are real.

  ©by Voo

 Dec 28, 2018   

2 days before my birthday

Timing is Everything

THIS QUIET MOMENT

This Quiet Moment

The noise of life ebbs

As your whispered words 

Hold me sway

In the music of your heart

How my soul leaps

At the caress of your voice,

My skin burns

At the caress of your touch

Is this a dream

Or the fantasy a fevered mind conjures

From needing so much

And receiving so little?

There have been nights

In my waiting

That I could not bear the longing, 

Could not stand the needing.

When I thought I would go mad

Or lose myself in unsated desire

To catch a glimpse of the shadow 

Of your face.

I know you wait there

As I wait here

But the map that leads me to you

Is missing, is long lost, and gone forever.

How do I reach 

The ground you stand upon,

The sphere you exist in,

The world you abide on?

I know not........

For there are oceans between us

And mountains before us

And treacheries around us.

Dark spells wrought to thwart me away from you

Webs of deceit to bind me from running

Chains of broken hearts to keep me from trusting

And yet, somehow I do. And yet, somehow I do. 

This astral meeting is all we have for now

This shadow kiss, this ethereal bliss

And it is so good. But not good enough

For hot red blood still flows through our veins.

In the chaos of the world, 

I can barely hear you

Can barely see your saddened face

Waiting in the lamplight at the gate.

 But there you are, my love!

Strong and sure and eager

To reach through mists of time

And touch the hand that enfolds yours 

Like a glove.

In this quiet moment

We have been granted by sheer will

And God's mercy

To meet in manifested love

Solid as a rock.

And maybe this moment

Won't last very long

And maybe it will last forever

Who is to say?

Maybe if I press my lips to yours

And never let go

When you fade into the shadows

I will go with you.

Or maybe you will stay with me

And become more than a vision,

But the man you are in my dreams

While we hold onto reality with all our souls.

Don't be afraid, you will never disappear

No matter how old you grow or how weak, your flesh

Somehow we will find a way to stay together

Love is a living thing

And it will find it's way............

Even my doubting heart believes that.

©By Voo

Dec 27, 2018

2:20 a.m.

QUESTIONS SEEKING ANSWERS

Questions Seeking Answers

You ask

And wait silently

For my answer

But I have none to give

Only hope to hope on

And wishes to wish on

And prayers to pray.

I don't know

Any more than you do

What tomorrow holds

Or what God grants

Or fate brings..........

Up until now

There has been no fairy tale

Or destined quest

Or dream come true

For me

And without question, you.

For only hearts

That have been broken

And discarded and dis-enchanted

Can ask the questions 

That you ask

Only souls that have been disappointed

And betrayed and un-restored

Can venture into that mire of uncertainty

And still risk losing it all once more.

Therefore, let us stay here

In this moment,

In this second that we have been granted

The best of all seconds among minutes and hours

And weeks and months and years of years:

This room full of love

And this endless kiss

This sweet satisfaction

And passionate bliss

It will not be enough for tomorrow, no

Nor any lonely day or night after that....

But it is enough for now.

The blazing fire cools

Compared to your touch

The wine sours

Compared to your kiss

The furs we lie on

Seem rough

Compared to your bare chest

And my silkened skin

That pulls you to me in hunger.

I cannot answer your questions, my love

But I can confess with candid heart

And willing soul..........

That I desire to know those answers

Just as much as you do

Perhaps, more

Perhaps, more...........

And perhaps tomorrow

Will bring us those answers

In one form or another.

Till then, hold me

Kiss me, bend me to your will

For I think you will find

That your will is my will

And mine, yours

As it always has been

And was in forgotten dreams

And is now, in this delicate

And beautiful moment.

For when you hold me

Close against your heart like this,

And kiss me tenderly like that,

And our eyes melt into one another's this way,

I can believe in fairytales once more

And destined quests and dreams that come true

Even if they never came true before......

And I can forget those questions

In search of answers that I don't know now

Because all that matters to me in all the world

Is this, this moment lying here with you

Feeling like a princess in the arms of a prince

Who has just inherited the kingdom

That was made with my love.

©by Voo

Dec 22, 2018

12:38 a.m.  

Do You? by Yiruma 

UNBEKNOWNST TO ME

Unbeknownst To Me

He stood there, musing

As he often did

About deep and wondrous things

That only a poet could perceive.

I watched him from my window

Hidden in the shadows

Of lace curtains and pale moonlight

With no candle to show him

Who watched or why.

He stood by the street lamp

Leaning back and looking at the moon

Listening to the train sounds

From across the river

And the beating of his sad and soulful heart.

Every night of the week, he came

And stood there in that place

Not speaking, not acknowledging a nod

Or a frown or a smile

Just standing there, musing

And I watched him with my own lonely heart

And longing in my eyes.

I didn't know him and yet I did

Did as well as I knew myself

And what I needed from the moon

And the world and life and poems

That had no end.

I needed to be seen and known

And found and loved

I needed to watch the moon

And listen to the train

And walk in the rain and share my pain

While holding the hand of the man

Whose heart I felt as deeply as my own.

I didn't know what I would do

The evening that he didn't show up

On my corner in the moonlight

To stand there watching the moon

And the world pass by............

(And unbeknownst to me...

Me in my shadowed window.)

I had no idea

That he thought the same thoughts about me

That he longed to look into my eyes

And hold my hand and kiss my lips

And sing me songs and read me poetry

For hours on end. I didn't know.

I see him look at his watch, 

Look up at the moon, 

Turn to walk down the street toward the river,

Turn around again and grab hold of the street lamp

And do a wild child-like twirl around it

And hear him laugh out loud.

Then to my amazement, he walks over to my building

Looks up at my window and whistles softly

"Hey, girl." he says and stands on his tip toes, stretching

"Hey, girl, you wanna come dance in the moonlight?"

"Hey, girl......" and before he can finish his question

I am out my door, down the stairs and outside

In the falling darkness, looking into his brown eyes.

"Finally." he says so quietly I'm not sure he spoke it

"I thought I would have to wait here forever."

And I question him with my shining eyes and he shrugs

"No, I'm not deranged, I'm just shy."

"So am I." I say like a whisper, laughing like a child

And we stare at one another in wonder and awe.

And unbeknownst to us

Two grandmothers somewhere say "Amen"

And bow their heads and clasp their hands

And smile toward Heaven thanking God

That their prayers have been answered at last

Prayers that their two lonely children 

Have finally found each other as was ordained

And before it was too late for them

To ever have known it

And that night around that street lamp

With the moon smiling down on us

And the song of the lonesome train

Serenading us with sweetness,

We found one another 

As though we had never been apart.

©By Voo

Dec 19, 2018 

3:42 p.m.