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Friday, March 10, 2017

THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD





My sidekick and roving feline reporter, Roscoe Ratcatcher



REPORTING ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT.................OR NOT...........






THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD DO THE ORDINARY THINGS CATS DO.......




                             

                                                    They go to the tanning salon................





                                  











They teach the ways of the Einstein..............



They play video games on those damn computers 24/7 instead of reading newsworthy articles like this one!!!!


Some of them are great hunters and chefs at local restaurants





Some are friendly receptionists.............................



However.........................
                                                                         


                               We're almost sure that there is a cold blooded killer among them....





                                              Especially since Sensei Wang Dang Doo went missing









The kids are alright as kids go.....












                                                 At least till bath time...........








If they get out of line, they go before Judge Pawker, the hanging judge











One little fellow is training to be an astronaut..............




















Old Willie likes to hang out on dating sites and insult humans...............






Then there's Bruce, the paranormal expert who loves to pop up when you least expect it....







We never paid the local Meow Militia much mind until this poster started showing up on neighborhood telephone poles and on the internet.................Several of us started arming ourselves with bulldogs and laser light pointers....





Oh, some of them are quite talented. For instance, Snowball plays The Grinch every Christmas at the FELINE FUNHOUSE THESPIAN THEATRE.................






                                                MeatLoaf usually wins all the local bike-a-thons..............
and Garfield look-a-like contests






Huey, Duey, Looey, and Clyde do double duty as window washers and peeping toms......








Yesterday Donald was caught by his brother's cell phone sticking his tongue out at his mom.

(he is now grounded for six of his nine lives)




One of my personal favorites is the preacher cat, The Right Reverand Moochie Mewhard, who goes about casting the devil out of his fellow felines ......whether they need it or not...................





This guy is a Rock Star wannabe who practices falling backwards into mosh pits at any given opportunity. He can't sing or play guitar, he just.....falls







Here we have Manny Moo at the kitchen table yesterday after the Vet told his Mom to put him on a diet. Needless to say, Manny did not appreciate the carrot and Buttermilk Smoothie.....



Well, I think this hidden Cat Cam clears up any mystery of a killer loose in the neighborhood.
I wondered why I hadn't got a paper the last three days....................




Spockles has really been enjoying all the new Star Wars movies, he says but is fighting for a part in the next Star Trek franchise.............coming next summer from what I hear.  He said he's tired of all this Non-Human exclusion in Hollywood at the Oscars. He can walk a red carpet just as well as Lady GooGoo Ga Ga .......  Whatever




Local meowers, The JellyBellies performed the 
only song they know for the big charity event CATSRUS last night....
The song?  STUCK ON YOU by Lionel Richie



In other news..........bad brothers, Bob and BoDiddly have been up
to their old tricks, stealing toilet paper out of  any open bathroom 
windows they can find. Traces of it literally litter the whole neighborhood.
It's a crime and a shame how some cats turn out. But....at least it's not catnip.





Local businessman....er...cat, Bojangles Popeye Church explains his next fried chicken
 proposal to potential investors. It was later said that he did quite an impressive
PowerPoint presentation even though nobody knew how it ended because he threw up
a hair ball on the keyboard.............


Also, as a lesson to all the high schoolers....this picture was circulated amongst them all
Friday to remind them not to be like Jolly. Jolly won't eat anything if it's not in capsule form.




As most of you know,  General Bonkers went on live tv yesterday to try to calm the masses
after a huge UFO was seen hovering over Mrs. Bailey's back yard. It took out all of her bird feeders and seven squirrels. Please contact  General Bonkers at the Feline Flying Force HeadQuarters (the shed behind the garage on Baker Street) if you have any information. We  allegedly suspect Claude Jay, the kid who likes to build model airplanes and stuff but have no concrete proof.....
General Bonkers is offering a $25.00 reward and all the rats you can eat......which probably will preclude any humans turning him in.............


In closing this week.............just a friendly reminder, folks.......


Remember your feline friends...because they never forget a slight...........




We will return soon with more
 Cats In This Neighborhood News..............
until next time.....Farewell and Meow from your Oh, so Human Reporter.....
Voo Ima Standingby and the ever cool Roscoe Ratcatcher

psstttt!!!!!!!!!


(Man! I've got to find myself another audience!)