THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD VOL 1

Every year is the Year of the Cat!!!

My sidekick and roving feline reporter, Roscoe Ratcatcher

REPORTING ALL THE NEWS THAT'S FIT TO PRINT.................OR NOT...........

THE CATS IN THIS NEIGHBORHOOD 

DO THE ORDINARY THINGS CATS DO.......

                             

                                                    They go to the tanning salon........

                                  

They teach the ways of the Einstein..............

They play video games on those damn computers 24/7 

instead of reading newsworthy articles like this one!!!!

Some of them are great hunters and chefs 

at local restaurants

Some are friendly receptionists.............................

However.........................

                                                                         

                               We're almost sure that there is a 

                                cold blooded killer among them....

                       Especially since Sensei Wang Dang Doo went missing

                

The kids are alright as kids go.....

                                                 At least till bath time...........

If they get out of line, they go before 

Judge Pawker, the hanging judge

One little fellow is training to be an astronaut..............

Old Willie likes to hang out on dating sites and insult humans...............

               Then there's Bruce, the paranormal expert 

             who loves to pop up when you least expect it....

We never paid the local Meow Militia much mind until

this poster started showing up on neighborhood

telephone poles and on the internet.................Several of us started arming ourselves with bulldogs 

and laser light pointers....

                      Oh, some of them are quite talented. 

                For instance, Snowball plays The Grinch every

                Christmas at the 

                  FELINE FUNHOUSE THESPIAN THEATRE..........

                                                Meat Loaf usually wins all the local 

                                                  bike-a-thons..............

and Garfield look-a-like contests

                              Huey, Duey, Looey, and Clyde do double duty as 

                                               window washers and peeping toms......

Yesterday Donald was caught by his brother's cell phone sticking his tongue out at his mom.
(he is now grounded for six of his nine lives)

One of my personal favorites is the preacher cat, The Right Reverend Moochie Mewhard, who goes about casting the devil out of his fellow felines ......whether they need it or not...................

This guy is a Rock Star wannabe who practices falling backwards

into mosh pits at any given opportunity. 

He can't sing or play guitar, he just.....falls

Here we have Manny Moo at the kitchen table yesterday 

after the Vet told his Mom to put him on a diet. Needless to say,

 Manny did not appreciate the carrot and Buttermilk Smoothie.....

Well, I think this hidden Cat Cam clears up any mystery of a killer 

loose in the neighborhood.

I wondered why I hadn't got a paper the last three days......

Spockles has really been enjoying all the new Star Wars movies, he says but is fighting for a part in the next Star Trek franchise.............coming next summer from what I hear.  He said he's tired of all this Non-Human exclusion in Hollywood at the Oscars. He can walk a red carpet just as well as Lady GooGoo Ga Ga .......  Whatever

Local meowers, The JellyBellies

performed the 

only song they know for the big charity event 

CATSRUS last night....

The song?  STUCK ON YOU by Lionel Richie

In other news..........bad brothers, Bob and BoDiddly 

have been up to their old tricks, stealing toilet paper out of  any open bathroom they can find. Traces of it literally litter the whole neighborhood. It's a crime and a shame how some cats turn out. But....at least it's not catnip.

Local businessman....er...cat, Bojangles Popeye Church 

explains his next fried chicken proposal to potential investors. 

It was later said that he did quite an impressive

PowerPoint presentation even though nobody knew how it

 ended because he threw up

a hair ball on the keyboard.............

Also, as a lesson to all the high schoolers....

this picture was circulated amongst them all

Friday to remind them not to be like Jolly. 

Jolly won't eat anything if it's not in capsule form.

As most of you know,  General Bonkers went on live tv yesterday to try to calm the masses after a huge UFO was seen hovering over Mrs. Bailey's back yard. It took out all of her bird feeders and seven squirrels. Please contact  General Bonkers at the Feline Flying Force Head Quarters (the shed behind the garage on Baker Street) if you have any information. We  allegedly suspect Claude Jay, the kid who likes to build model airplanes and stuff but have no concrete proof.....

General Bonkers is offering a $25.00 reward and all the rats you can eat......which probably will preclude any humans turning him in.............

In closing this week.............just a friendly reminder, folks.......

Remember your feline friends...because they

never forget a slight...........

We will return soon with more

 Cats In This Neighborhood News..............

until next time.....Farewell and Meow from your 

Oh, so Human Reporter.....
Voo Ima Standingby and the ever cool 

Roscoe Ratcatcher

psstttt!!!!!!!!!

(Man! I've got to find myself another audience!)