The Mask

Dark Piano

Mask

I wear a mask these days
These long, long days of apple green
And cherry red hues of violent fire
Flowing ever constant through my veins.

No one should see this
This me that lives inside my head
This soulstruck, angry being
Shoveling coal in an imaginary hell.

What is it about me
That terrifies myself as nothing else can
That wakes me in the deepest night
To lie awake working out unsolvable puzzles?

I love..I can love…I do love
I love with a persistence that denies dream
Denies fault, denies substance and begging
And clings to invisible strings dangling in the darkness.

Yet in the morning
I wear a mask and a cloak of hiding
Covering breaks in the mind
And tears in the seams of a ragged heart.

I do this for protection
Not for myself but for the world
That must not be exposed to the hurt
Hanging from my eyes and shadowing my footsteps.

I am a phantom
A ghost living among the living
Not participating in the life
But still remembering it’s taste.

Here and there, now and again
I meet another, like myself
Shrouded in mist and howling in silent pain
And we stand and stare as if in a mirror.

And oft as not, we do not speak
But nod in recognition and bow
To a fellow sufferer of these dark days
And endless, everlasting aching.

Once, I was young and beautiful
Vibrant with life and running over with love
Joyful as dawn and undaunted by the setting of the sun
And the world was my happy playground.

But now the midnight
Wraps me in it’s icy arms
Caresses my face with cold sleepless fingers
And kisses I do not want.

It tells me that here I belong
Here, abandoned by love and deserted by hope
I must dwell now always, hiding my ugliness
Behind this mask of the forsaken.

What a hellish, lonely thing life is!
Outwardly, I have not changed
I am still beautiful there, still young, still very much alive
It’s only on the inside that I am terrifying

It’s only on the inside, that it’s dark

All the time.

by Voo

Sept 22, 07

copyrighted

Tears Have Been My Companions

Tears Have Been My Companions 

Lost years had shadowed me so long

I couldn't see the sun

I couldn't find the strength to crawl

Never mind to run.......

I looked in the mirror and every day

A stranger looked back there at me

She covered my eyes and filled me with lies

And pure darkness was all I could see........

What hope that I found was found in the sound

Of the music that played in the world

And when it died, I died inside

A lost and lonely girl..........

I didn't know just who I was

I didn't know my name

The more I changed and tried to fit

The more things stayed the same.........

Putting on the costumes

They gave me for the parts

I read my lines and took my bows

With the other broken hearts.........

Crying in the mid of night

My pillow stained and torn

From screaming questions out of fright

And torment hard to be borne..........

I lived in fear. I lived with tears

My life was filled with grief

I laughed and played my parts so well

But tears were my relief........

And now, but now, I've found myself

The true me, after all

The building that I thought I was

I watched it burn and fall...........

And tears are still my companions

Though not instruments for fear to employ

To my great surprise, when Love touched my eyes

Those same tears filled my eyes with joy.

by Voo

Oct 7, 2006

4:30 p.m.

copyrighted

words by Voo, melody by Linda Rose

song by Spirit Song 

The Wrong Road To The Right Place

The Wrong Road To The Right Place

Whistlin' in tha dark

As I traversed that Southern road

That road that ain't found on no road map

Nor on no piece of paper

Nor drawn on a napkin by a "greasy spoon" waitress.

Naw, this road don't rightly take you no wheres you know

Don't start any wheres and who but God 

                      Knows where it ends..................

I don't. Or I didn't.

I just closed my eyes as I stood there

At the fork in the road and threw a stolen rose

Over my left shoulder

                 And it fell to the right............

And that is how I ended up

        On this here dusty road tryin' to get to Heaven......

Honk HONK!!!! Get out  of the road, you OLD fool!!!!

(Some kid feeling his oats in his daddy's car, I reckon)

NO.....some wanna-be gangster boy from up North

wantin' to mess with somebody out here on these back roads.....

What am I lookin' for?

    You tell me........boy!

You tha Son of A Gun askin' the questions!

I didn't ask you nothin'

And I reckon that's what I'll git.....

(Story of my life).....Always nothin'.

The Bible says: You have NOT

  'Cause you ASK not............

But I don't know what to ask fer

(I don't want to get...smited) (SMOTED?) Kilt...

Lord, I don't know....God always uses such BIG words...

My brain can't hardly ascertain the little ones

Like thee and Thou and How Now Brown Cow....

Oh, wait! That ain't scripture, is it? Or is it?

Shoot! I don't know nothin. I'm half heathen, I guess

But I AIM to make HEAVEN my HOME! Yessir.

WHERE AM I GOING?

   you just full of questions, ain't ye???

Dang fool Yankee!!!

You don't hear me going off half cocked

And asking you jack! 

                  Mostly, 'cause I don't care

And secondly, 'Cause I don't CARE!

I got enough problems fer the both of us 

                     Plus everbody in WhyNot, Mississippi  

Damn! I sure could use me a good cold drank!

You got a RC Cola on ye? Or an Orange Crush?

Pepsi???! Damn, son, we don't drink no Pepsi down here!

Might as well drank swamp water......Pepsi!!!!! Shoot!

Hey!! HEY!!!  No use gittin' all riled up about it!!!

What you doin', boy???? CALM THE HELL BACK DOWN!!!

What a little feller like you doin' with a BIG ole GUN like that???

Naw, I ain't gonna be quiet! Naw, Hell Naw! Didn't yore Pa told ye

Not to point no PISTOL at nobody lest you aim to....to.....

Naw..............I can't help ye with no gas money....

I ain't got no Money, son! If I did, you thank I'd be out here

 hitchin' in this here hot sun trying to find my way to Heaven? 

                                    Nooo...not that HEAVEN.......!!!

Heaven, Alabama. Where the purtiest girl in the Whole WORLD live!

You got a girl, son? Anybody on this here Earth love your sorry ass?

No..no..I didn't mean nothin.....Just talkin'. 

No need to get all bent outta shape.........

I done tole you I ain't got no Money! I can't give you Nothin'  but ADVICE!

C'mon, man......Don't do me that a way...I ain't lyin'. I try not to lie......much...

I wants to go to HEAVEN one day. (I just don't Want to go right NOW....

you know what I'm sayin?)                Quit that! That hurts!!!

No need to kick a man when he down!!! Lord, have Mercy!!!  Here...Here..

 I got a five dollar bill here in my shoe...You can have THAT. Just don't hurt me. 

No...I ain't got no MORE...

I ain't got nothin' but some Juicy Fruit gum I'm saving fer supper.

What??? 

You gonna take that too? Well, if that ain't a damn shame...! 

 I bet yore mama sure would be proud of you 'bout right now, wouldn't she????

No, no, not trying to talk about yore MAMA! Not meaning no 

Dis Respect to nobody.... let me go now, boy..I gots to git on down this here road

fore it gits too DARK to see...LET ME GO NOW!!!! Dadblame yore hide!!!

No, I won't tell noBody...I promise.  I won't report you to no PO-LICE... I won't TELL,

I swear to GOD....let me go NOW.....I won't.......

                                                     * BANG!!!!*

LORD GOD, son!!! You didn't have to do THAT!!! Why You want to KILL some old

NOBoDY like me???? I didn't mean you no harm....here, take this JUICY FRUIT.

Take it! You wanted it a minute ago! Here, boy.......

A little blood won't hurt ye.... I don't need no gum where I'm goin'...

                                           Where am I Going?????              

WHY.....Heaven, Alabama, OF COURSE!!!! Where my girl at....She waitin' on me down there.

She been WAITIN' a long TIME.  She love me, she says last time I seen her. 

I love her too, I shorely do!  Hot damn! She gonna be happy to see my ole raggedy butt!!!  Hee Hee

Let me rest a bit........My belly shore pains me.....

LORD..it shore is Bright right now. I can't hardly SEE, it so BRIGHT. 

What's goin' on here? I feel like I'm fadin'.....jest fadin' away....

         right here in this dirt with the Sun in my eyes.......

Where you goin', BOY???? Come back here!!!! Why you runnin???? 

Them ain't nothin' but angels.....

 Them ain't nothin' but.......................Angels....????? Ain't nothin' but......ANGELS?!!!!!

Lord God A'Mighty!!!!  I do believe them is ANGELS!!!!

Let me close my eyes a minute and git my bearings...Lord, I'm tired. So dang tired......

Come to thank about it...I thank that ole rose fell to the LEFT! 

I should a done took that OTHER ROAD.................................

         I don't thank this 'un is goin' to Alabama.........

                                                      no, sir... ain't goin' down towards Ole ALABAMA..........

                                     Not to no Heaven...........in no  Alabama....    no.

By Voo

August  16, 2019

4:22 a.m.

copyrighted

Only When You're Gone

Only When You're Gone

Only when you're gone I flee to shadow

Run with your ghost that beckons me at night

Down into bed then laughs up into my face

And lies to me that love will hold me tight.

Only when you're gone am I my boldest

Though I cling to memories that never came to pass

Dreams that pull me down into their passions

Make me blaze with lust that does not last.

Only when you're gone do I give in to 

Weaknesses of needs I have for you

Holding onto hands that will not hold me

Taunting me with lies that can't be true.

My wanting you, it takes away my vowing

To stand my ground when my desire is strong

But you know I know I want you when you're with me

But not as much as when I know you're gone.

Only when you're gone do I burn like I'm fire

Blazing up with love that can't be quenched

For when your body's here you forbid my touches

And all my tears just keep the fires drenched.

Why must you torment me so, my best beloved?

Why do you callously reject my heart?

You throw out crumbs to me to make me follow

And when I'm near to you. you stand apart.

Only when you're gone, I call your name now

Cry my bitter tears into my hand

For you tease me with the taste and then withhold it

Break my heart in ways I cannot understand.

Only when you're gone do I have the freedom

To love you like I want to love you now

To pretend you love me back with love that's certain

Love I make myself believe somehow.

Only when you're gone do I feel cherished

Believing every lie I tell myself

So foolishly I hold onto your spirit

That loves me when the flesh and bone has left.

Are you a man or are you, my love, a devil?

Appearing just to drop me to my knees?

Conjuring false images to tease me

Just to laugh at me and all my pleas?

I no longer know, I no longer walk in sunlight

I've been this helpless thing for oh, so long

Living in this fantasy of shadows

Where I am loved but only when you're gone.

by Voo

Just now

Aug 25, 2019

3:44 a.m.

in a fit of madness

Sometimes In The Morning

Sometimes In The Morning

Sometimes in the morning

While the sun is still in bed

I lie and watch dream figments play

On the big screen in my head.

Sometimes in the morning

When the day begins to fall

I lie and watch the shadows dance

On the blank spots on the wall.

Sometimes in the morning

When I don't want to rise and shine

I think of you and your sweet smile

And wish that you were mine.

Sometimes in the morning

When the night is slowly dying

I wonder why I love you so

Without my heart even trying.

Sometimes in the morning

I crave your tender touch

And I put my arms around myself

But boy, that don't help much.

Sometimes in the morning

Before the alarm clock starts to scream

I  make myself fall back to sleep

To finish my unfinished dream.

Sometimes in the morning

I just lie there till it's gone

And waste the day thinking of you

Till the lonely night comes on.

And nights, they are the hardest

With no one to hold you near

I just lay there till the sun shows up

And wishing you were here.

Some time in the morning

On some day I can't foresee

I'm going to find you and make you come

Stay in this bed with me.

And we can watch the world go by

And the moon and sun above

Will come and go but we won't know

For we'll  be lost in love.

Sometimes in the morning

I think that's what I'll do 

Cause I'm so tired of lying here

Just dreaming about you.

If I Had You

©by Voo

Aug 29, 2019

4:48 a.m.

copyrighted