Only When You're Gone

Only When You're Gone

Only when you're gone I flee to shadow

Run with your ghost that beckons me at night

Down into bed then laughs up into my face

And lies to me that love will hold me tight.

Only when you're gone am I my boldest

Though I cling to memories that never came to pass

Dreams that pull me down into their passions

Make me blaze with lust that does not last.

Only when you're gone do I give in to 

Weaknesses of needs I have for you

Holding onto hands that will not hold me

Taunting me with lies that can't be true.

My wanting you, it takes away my vowing

To stand my ground when my desire is strong

But you know I know I want you when you're with me

But not as much as when I know you're gone.

Only when you're gone do I burn like I'm fire

Blazing up with love that can't be quenched

For when your body's here you forbid my touches

And all my tears just keep the fires drenched.

Why must you torment me so, my best beloved?

Why do you callously reject my heart?

You throw out crumbs to me to make me follow

And when I'm near to you. you stand apart.

Only when you're gone, I call your name now

Cry my bitter tears into my hand

For you tease me with the taste and then withhold it

Break my heart in ways I cannot understand.

Only when you're gone do I have the freedom

To love you like I want to love you now

To pretend you love me back with love that's certain

Love I make myself believe somehow.

Only when you're gone do I feel cherished

Believing every lie I tell myself

So foolishly I hold onto your spirit

That loves me when the flesh and bone has left.

Are you a man or are you, my love, a devil?

Appearing just to drop me to my knees?

Conjuring false images to tease me

Just to laugh at me and all my pleas?

I no longer know, I no longer walk in sunlight

I've been this helpless thing for oh, so long

Living in this fantasy of shadows

Where I am loved but only when you're gone.

by Voo

Just now

Aug 25, 2019

3:44 a.m.

in a fit of madness