Saturday, March 18, 2017


Hell Behind The Door

As I lay dying, I thought
I thought………
Surely not
Surely it’s not going to end
Not like this.

But then, life had long ceased
Being a sunrise………
On my cold heart
More a constant setting
And a continual twilight.

Reaching back into memory,
I pulled you to the forefront…….
Cleared the cobwebs
And dusty dreams
Strewn like spoils of war.

I stood you there
Before my face……….
And silently opened your eyes
Those beautiful things
That still take my breath away.

No, I can’t do it, not now
I can’t bear your seeing……
What I’ve become,
What I remain,
Until the last breath whispers to silence.

Shuttering my eyes
With fragile hands……
I sink into the cobalt blue
Of lonely bed clothes
And pillows where no head but mine has lain.

Where does love go
When it dies……..
And how does it come back
When it is beckoned?
Only God knows.

The lace at the window sways,
And air that stirs the gloom……
Finds no place to rest
And soon departs,

Not even the breeze
Is my friend…………
Not even the nightingale
Sings for me now
For I am condemned.

This prison I have made,
With my own hands……..
Clings to my skin like melted silver,
Shackles my soul,
With invisible chains.

Soon, they will come for me
And I will leave this place…….
Going beyond the shadows
To a vineyard beyond memory,
Where the memories of my mind will be wrung dry.

Or so they tell me,
But I don’t know……..
For the guards are all liars
And murderers and thieves
Like me.

Even though I lived in beauty,
And sat in splendor’s lap…….
I am a liar
But even still I grasp at life
While death runs through my hands.

You were the only thing,
I’ve ever loved……..
You were the only love
I did not steal
But the only love I could not keep alive.

Tossing and turning now,
I burn in my need for hope………
But hope does not come,
Is elusive, even in my dreams,
And turns it’s face and runs.

I feel my life slipping away,
Through my veins and out…….
Into the silkened sheets
And darkness
Waving goodbye to me by lantern light.

Renewed in death,
I find myself again in youth……
A perfect flower, blooming, fair
Strong on my feet, I twirl in mystery
Around and around, in the cold still air.

I see the lock turn,
Hear the chains fall away………
And the door slowly opens
I take a breath that burns my lungs
And approach my long sought freedom.

Perhaps I’ll find you there,
Somewhere in another life waiting……..
Forgiveness shining in your eyes
And tenderness in your touch
Oh, love, to know the taste of love once more!!

To start anew,
To make you want me…….
Like I did so long ago
A queen with royal scepter raised
As men bowed at my feet.

I feel the rush of pride and power,
Overtaking, pulling me……..
No prisoner now,
I feel the guilt
Falling from my shoulders.

All the years of living with myself,
Knowing what I was.……..
I am...... and more
From life to death, I pass 
But to my horror:
Find nothing there but Hell behind the door.

©by Voo
March 19, 2012
11:11 p.m.