HELL BEHIND THE DOOR

Hell Behind The Door

As I lay dying, I thought

I thought………

Surely not

Surely it’s not going to end

Not like this.

But then, life had long ceased

Being a sunrise………

On my cold heart

More a constant setting

And a continual twilight.

Reaching back into memory,

I pulled you to the forefront…….

Cleared the cobwebs

And dusty dreams

Strewn like spoils of war.

I stood you there

Before my face……….

And silently opened your eyes

Those beautiful things

That still take my breath away.

No, I can’t do it, not now

I can’t bear your seeing……

What I’ve become,

What I remain,

Until the last breath whispers to silence.

Shuttering my eyes

With fragile hands……

I sink into the cobalt blue

Of lonely bed clothes

And pillows where no head but mine has lain.

Where does love go

When it dies……..

And how does it come back

When it is beckoned?

Only God knows.

The lace at the window sways,

And air that stirs the gloom……

Finds no place to rest

And soon departs,

Sighing.

Not even the breeze

Is my friend…………

Not even the nightingale

Sings for me now

For I am condemned.

This prison I have made,

With my own hands……..

Clings to my skin like melted silver,

Shackles my soul,

With invisible chains.

Soon, they will come for me

And I will leave this place…….

Going beyond the shadows

To a vineyard beyond memory,

Where the memories of my mind will be wrung dry.

Or so they tell me,

But I don’t know……..

For the guards are all liars

And murderers and thieves

Like me.

Even though I lived in beauty,

And sat in splendor’s lap…….

I am a liar

But even still I grasp at life

While death runs through my hands.

You were the only thing,

I’ve ever loved……..

You were the only love

I did not steal

But the only love I could not keep alive.

Tossing and turning now,

I burn in my need for hope………

But hope does not come,

Is elusive, even in my dreams,

And turns it’s face and runs.

I feel my life slipping away,

Through my veins and out…….

Into the silkened sheets

And darkness

Waving goodbye to me by lantern light.

Renewed in death,

I find myself again in youth……

A perfect flower, blooming, fair

Strong on my feet, I twirl in mystery

Around and around, in the cold still air.

I see the lock turn,

Hear the chains fall away………

And the door slowly opens

I take a breath that burns my lungs

And approach my long sought freedom.

Perhaps I’ll find you there,

Somewhere in another life waiting……..

Forgiveness shining in your eyes

And tenderness in your touch

Oh, love, to know the taste of love once more!!

To start anew,

To make you want me…….

Like I did so long ago

A queen with royal scepter raised

As men bowed at my feet.

I feel the rush of pride and power,

Overtaking, pulling me……..

No prisoner now,

I feel the guilt

Falling from my shoulders.

All the years of living with myself,

Knowing what I was.……..

I am...... and more

From life to death, I pass 

But to my horror:

Find nothing there but Hell behind the door.

©by Voo

March 19, 2012

11:11 p.m.